Having spent time listening to many psychopathy researchers, I can attest to many times coming away with the feeling that very critical insights are being missed. An appreciation for the bigger picture just isn’t there yet. For me the bigger picture always includes the family. A sociopath may prey on strangers, but usually that is after a lifetime of practice on family members. The reason this piece is so critical is that the personality disorder, psychopathy is a pervasive disorder of human social behavior that affects every relationship the disordered person has.
Considering what this disorder actually is- a pervasive disorder of human social behavior, the perspective of family members becomes very important. Methods of victimization of others also shed light on the nature of the disorder itself. I think this may be the only psychiatric disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere. That observation is often lost amid the abnormal brain scans and cognitive tests that are sometimes seen in affected persons.
Without the balance of hearing from victims and family members theories of psychopathy can even miss the central features of the disorder. For example, one new theory of psychopathy called the Triarchic Theory, states that the three traits of boldness, meanness and dysinhibition tell the entire story. The theory is actually better than this sounds but meanness is not what the authors of the theory think it is. If sociopaths were obviously mean, there would not be as many victims.
Given the assertions of the Triarchic Theory it is not surprising that the DSM 5 Personality Disorders Task Force proposed that “acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions (than anger) such as love and anxiety is rare.” Researchers need to put their theories into a perspective that can only be gained through real life outside the laboratory. Therefore it is critical that meetings include work on victims and their experiences, as subjective and “unscientific” as this may sound.
The posters Donna and I presented were an opportunity to challenge researchers to consider their words and assertions carefully. Many came away from reading them doing just that. I had to explain why the language proposed for DSM 5 is wrong, as many tried to defend the proposed statement as true.
There were also two posters from Adelle Forth’s group out of Canada’s Carleton University by graduate students Henriette Bergstrom and Janelle Beaudette on the effects of victimization by a psychopath on victims’ relationship functioning and physical health. This group has identified several themes in the narrative stories of victims, ongoing suffering, transformation and transcendence. But they also say those victims who came through the experience stronger did not really describe how.
This group has identified something I think is very important, that is the question of how to survive victimization and grow from the experience. The fact that a relationship with a sociopath has detrimental effects on psychological, emotional and physical health that lasts for years after the relationship has ended, tells us a great deal about what this disorder is about.
Watch the video: Donna Andersen explains Lovefraud research at psychopathy conference.
So true, again, HP. I have been having to constanly escape from an ego minded, narcissistic associate of mine, whom of which seems to be making attempts to use me for her own benifit inpast week. I am out of there. No mas! Hasta la vista, before she has her way with me. Her previous two victims wound up moving to other states. HA! Not me. After a few days working along side her, she is finding out today, that I am no longer taking part in her scheme. Creepy, jerk that she is.
E
Kimmy,
ESPECIALLY SPIFFY! I’m headed in the same direction, Kimmy, trying to get back into school by fall with a full schedule!
I miss school and my friends there.
LL
Kimmie;
I relate to your post above.
As the evolution of LF and also my life continue, sometimes I pop in and feel i’m doing no good for new survivors.
I’m 4 years ‘out’ and my journey is four years evolved.
I still feel a strong idea that we don’t have to lay down and ‘take it’. That there are moves we can make to take our power back, empower ourselves and regain OUR control.
This is what i’d like to encourage ALL survivors to realize.
In the beginning we feel downtrodden and victimized and in a funk/fog/paralyzation.
We evolve from there. There are lessons ALL around us and your post reminds me of that. I believe wholeheartedly that everything happens for a reason……and we are guided unto the next step in our lives. (as you have pointed out).
I believe this with all of myself.
BUT……I also realize if someone would have told me that years ago……I could have responded with, uh yeah…..WHAT reason did I get cancer???????? And maybe been angry. But now….I see it.
CLearly!!!
It was a gift…..All i have endured has been a gift to me. It’s brought me to ‘today’.
“Today’ even is not permanent. And I have no idea what tomorrow will evolve into……BUT whatever that is….bring it on….i’m excited and ready!
You are forced (by circumstances) into your LF graduation. It’s part of the evolution of your life. I think it will free you up to head out into the real world and concueor your dreams and ‘show up’ for your own life. That is important for all of us.
A mamma bird (LF) raises her young to push them out of the nest to soar on their own…….
I trust you will SOAR Ms KimmieF, you will discover yourself and your autonomity and come to realize…….this was only ‘one’ phase of your life.
I appreciate your ‘friendship’, we’ve shared a lot. I will always hold ‘our’ class at LF close. I think of you all fondly. Kim with her rag rugs, hens and the moon, one and her garden, Chic with her insights, Gem with her adopted kids, Silver with her beautiful writing, Matt and his wise words, Oxy and all her crazy outfits, Hens with his wonderful humor,Rosa and her songs, Sky and her research, Kathy’s wisdom, Witty and her craft shows and all the other folks we’ve cried and laughed and shared with intimately!
We ARE survivors……and we will ALL carry on.
Congratulations on your ‘graduation’…..and I know you will create a wonderful life for yourself!!!!
Good luck to you Kimmie….you are not heading out into the world alone.
XXOO
EB
Dear Kim,
I can’t imagine LoveFraud without you….you are a BIG PART of LF and I do hope you will make the effort to check in and let us know how you are if nothing else….you have been a wonderful friend to me and I have grown to respect your opinions, enjoy your views and consider you a valued friend. Good luck with this new fork in the road of life…I think it will be good for you, even if it makes you less available to your lovefraud friends. I don’t doubt that it is scary, change always is to one extent or another and this will be a big change for you, but I think one that is going to be a very POSITIVE ONE for you.
You’ve got your little cottage and your Pinkey doodle and now you can find a job that will support your needs and make you more independent! You will continue to be in my prayers, Kim! GHO GETTEM!!!!!! (((hugs)))))
Thanks for sharing such an INSIGHTFUL post, Liane….
the more I read, the more I seem to learn. 🙂
It helps, in the overall scheme of recovery, to understand the personality we have just dealt with. It takes away a lot of the ‘unrest’ in one’s soul when you find out that it WASNT about you at all. I have stayed in constant counseling through this whole experience. I have come from a NON FUNCTIONING person who sat around in the dark and sobbed 24/7 to someone who is not afraid to stand up and speak my mind. That has come from recognizing and trying to reverse this process that has overtaken my physical and emotional existence.
The one question I asked: “Why does not counselors, when they suspect their client is dealing with a sociopath, come right out and tell them instead of letting them flounder.”??????? I mean, SOME KIND OF HEADS UP WARNING would be nice.
The first set of counselors I had were only interested in getting me on some kind of medication and that was NOT what I needed. I gave it all a try…NONE of it worked for me as well as THE TRUTH. I can deal with the truth, eventually. All be it difficult to swallow when you believed and lived and walked in the lies moment to moment.
Yes, certainly a journey.
One I am dead certain I shall not allow to happen again.
Thanks again LL for sharing….
very insightful.
DUPED
((((((((Oxy)))))))) and ((((((((((EB)))))))). Thanks. This has been an adventure. The single biggest accomplishment for me, so far, is in being okay without a man. That is huge, and if you told me three years ago that I would ever get there, I would have said I thought you were wrong. I can recognize manipulation better than ever before, and I know most of my weaknesses. I still have big challenges and finding a job, sticking with it through the first month of learning the ropes has always been stressful for me, and I have run into my share of work plalce bullying, especially in the early phases of fitting in and finding your comfort zone in a new job. I don’t know why people can be so mean and nasty in these situations, but it is something I go out of my way not to do to others. Anyway, for me, the new job thing is very stressful.
or the new name 🙁
I have to agree… the new name kinda creeps me out!!
Ok, i’ll change it.
change it to EVALASTING….. 🙂