Having spent time listening to many psychopathy researchers, I can attest to many times coming away with the feeling that very critical insights are being missed. An appreciation for the bigger picture just isn’t there yet. For me the bigger picture always includes the family. A sociopath may prey on strangers, but usually that is after a lifetime of practice on family members. The reason this piece is so critical is that the personality disorder, psychopathy is a pervasive disorder of human social behavior that affects every relationship the disordered person has.
Considering what this disorder actually is- a pervasive disorder of human social behavior, the perspective of family members becomes very important. Methods of victimization of others also shed light on the nature of the disorder itself. I think this may be the only psychiatric disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere. That observation is often lost amid the abnormal brain scans and cognitive tests that are sometimes seen in affected persons.
Without the balance of hearing from victims and family members theories of psychopathy can even miss the central features of the disorder. For example, one new theory of psychopathy called the Triarchic Theory, states that the three traits of boldness, meanness and dysinhibition tell the entire story. The theory is actually better than this sounds but meanness is not what the authors of the theory think it is. If sociopaths were obviously mean, there would not be as many victims.
Given the assertions of the Triarchic Theory it is not surprising that the DSM 5 Personality Disorders Task Force proposed that “acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions (than anger) such as love and anxiety is rare.” Researchers need to put their theories into a perspective that can only be gained through real life outside the laboratory. Therefore it is critical that meetings include work on victims and their experiences, as subjective and “unscientific” as this may sound.
The posters Donna and I presented were an opportunity to challenge researchers to consider their words and assertions carefully. Many came away from reading them doing just that. I had to explain why the language proposed for DSM 5 is wrong, as many tried to defend the proposed statement as true.
There were also two posters from Adelle Forth’s group out of Canada’s Carleton University by graduate students Henriette Bergstrom and Janelle Beaudette on the effects of victimization by a psychopath on victims’ relationship functioning and physical health. This group has identified several themes in the narrative stories of victims, ongoing suffering, transformation and transcendence. But they also say those victims who came through the experience stronger did not really describe how.
This group has identified something I think is very important, that is the question of how to survive victimization and grow from the experience. The fact that a relationship with a sociopath has detrimental effects on psychological, emotional and physical health that lasts for years after the relationship has ended, tells us a great deal about what this disorder is about.
Watch the video: Donna Andersen explains Lovefraud research at psychopathy conference.
adamsrib:
Yours was Irish, mine was English. There’s something about those men…
Irish men are so damn hot especially those that have that old school shyness that comes from the Catholic school discipline. He looked like a cross between a young Russell Crowe and young Richard Burton with a deep voice and that accent. Oh eyes the twinkling Irish eyes. Those really do exist. Blue green eyes. too much. Lot of good it does to remember him. As Ox says it so well here he was TOXIC! That is the part I need to remember EB.
and the one of best times I ever had with him was getting totally snockered in a pub on Inish Mor (Aran Islands)called Joe Watties. We were so pissed we rode our bikes tottering through the rain down the rode singing at the top of our lungs. I’m not a drinker but you cannot go to Ireland and not get totally blitzed in a pub. To miss out on that is a travesty!! Haha…I have the memories for a lifetime.
woof~! and what great memories to have……we dont have to throw the baby out with the spath water…
adamsrib:
Oh, no…I think that was mine, too with the Catholic school upbringing. Sigh. Your Irish man sounded gorgeous. My English X spath was gorgeous, too, but in a different way. Kind of small, very white skin, blue eyes…totally yummy. The most gorgeous accent ever. And he had this wonderful touch. Right…toxic, poison…whatever we want to call it…believe me, I know, oh, dear do I know!
Wow, the memories you have from the Irish pub are absolutely priceless. I remember when I used to think how if he could be mine, I would have given up everything and moved to England with him if he ever had to go back there. Looking back, I was so stupid. It still hurts a lot.
Not sure how either one of us will ever get them out of our heads, but we will. I have faith in that; it’s just going to take a long time.
The person I encountered was mean to his cat. First I thought he was kind to animals as he adopted a kitten however he was unbelievably mean to this cat. If I had lived with him undoubtedly it would have fallen to me to feed the cat and this person too. As it was whenever I visited my property two work on renovations he would try to emotionally manipulate me into buying cat food. He spent all his money on gambling and then tried to make me feel guilty that the cat was hungry. Unbelievalbe gall. I soon got wise to this person’s manipulations but it took me over twelve months to get him out of my house. As for the family, they were only too happy to see someone else copping the fallout from this person who they referred to as mentally ill with bi-polar, only adding to what he could call on for sympathy. I suppose that they always hoped that some relationship would fix this person but relationships do not fix this kind of person. In fact relationships make their behaviour worse. This kind of person even enjoys seeing the disappointment and hurt of family members when they faill yet again to pay back money owed or fulfil promises. They take sadistic please in the act of concocting a con. Why should they stop, the actions are pleasureable!
Here was a red flag: When I met my X spath and we started talking, I asked him if he had any pets and he said, “I am too selfish for pets.”
eb92044,
Interestingly enough, sometimes they DO tell the truth…little snippets, sometimes disguised as A “joke,” but in retrospect we can see that they ARE THE TRUTH….I noticed (in retrospect) that my X-BF, the P, had told me the truth multiple times in little snippets, and if I had listened and honored those truths I would have saved myself a lot of grief….but HINDSIGHT IS 20/20.
Denise,
it is not uncommon at all for people who are psychopaths to ALSO be bi-polar or to ALSO be ADHD or all three! The triple whammy of dysfunction!
here’s an interesting article on psychopathy in politics.
read the whole article, it’s worth it. you will recognize all of the ploys that you were subjected to. Except here it is done on a larger scale.
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/229524-Hijacking-The-Holy-C-Street-Dominionism-and-Sarah-Palin
Hi All ,
From all the books I have read , most of them by supposed experts , I have concluded that unless an expert has been in a relationship with a psychopath most of these experts will never understand what a psychopath really is . I have read that psychopaths are not logical and that they have a poor grip of reality . This would almost make me laugh if it wasn’t for the seriousness of the problem . When experts are studying psychopaths , what the expert may not realise is , is that he or she is a potential victim . A psychopath does not sound logical because they do not want to sound logical . Its all part of the game . If a psychopath can confuse their victim they are well on the way to controlling them . Confuse followed by manipulate followed by destroy . But why you may ask . Its only a theory but i am beginning to think that psycopaths do not have a subconscious like most people . The logical side of their brain is in tack but the creative , either does not exist or is turned off . Because they only have a logical brain with no creativity they are void of conscience , the ability to love etc etc , basically all the things that a psychopath seems to be missing that most people have . This emotional void is perhaps what frustrates the psychopath . They are aware that everyone else has something that they don’t . They are fascinated by the aspects of humanity that they do not have . whats left of their soul is a tormented shell . Because they are not emotional their logical brain is somewhat enhanced which is why they are able to confuse the uninitiated with their pscho babble . It is this confusion that is dangerous to normal people . If a psychopath can shut down the logical thinking brain of their victim , by using confusion , I believe they can then gain access to the subconscious . Having Gained access to the subconscious they are then free to manipulate and then destroy if they so choose , whether mental destruction or physical destruction . The subconscious by itself has no defense mechanism . The logical brain is the defense mechanism of the subconscious . Take away the logical and you are in big trouble at the hands of a talented psychopath . Most of these thoughts are what have been going through my brain since the O like umbrella experience which I wrote about earlier and can be searched on this site . I realise this theory sounds a little spooky and I am sure that to a lot of experts it does not compute . However having been a psychopath victim and survived i think my knowledge is just as , if not more relevant than some expert who is trying to study a psychopath, much the same way as studying a tiger in a cage . Take the cage away and get a taste of the real situation is what it is like when one is in a relationship with a psychopath .