Having spent time listening to many psychopathy researchers, I can attest to many times coming away with the feeling that very critical insights are being missed. An appreciation for the bigger picture just isn’t there yet. For me the bigger picture always includes the family. A sociopath may prey on strangers, but usually that is after a lifetime of practice on family members. The reason this piece is so critical is that the personality disorder, psychopathy is a pervasive disorder of human social behavior that affects every relationship the disordered person has.
Considering what this disorder actually is- a pervasive disorder of human social behavior, the perspective of family members becomes very important. Methods of victimization of others also shed light on the nature of the disorder itself. I think this may be the only psychiatric disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere. That observation is often lost amid the abnormal brain scans and cognitive tests that are sometimes seen in affected persons.
Without the balance of hearing from victims and family members theories of psychopathy can even miss the central features of the disorder. For example, one new theory of psychopathy called the Triarchic Theory, states that the three traits of boldness, meanness and dysinhibition tell the entire story. The theory is actually better than this sounds but meanness is not what the authors of the theory think it is. If sociopaths were obviously mean, there would not be as many victims.
Given the assertions of the Triarchic Theory it is not surprising that the DSM 5 Personality Disorders Task Force proposed that “acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions (than anger) such as love and anxiety is rare.” Researchers need to put their theories into a perspective that can only be gained through real life outside the laboratory. Therefore it is critical that meetings include work on victims and their experiences, as subjective and “unscientific” as this may sound.
The posters Donna and I presented were an opportunity to challenge researchers to consider their words and assertions carefully. Many came away from reading them doing just that. I had to explain why the language proposed for DSM 5 is wrong, as many tried to defend the proposed statement as true.
There were also two posters from Adelle Forth’s group out of Canada’s Carleton University by graduate students Henriette Bergstrom and Janelle Beaudette on the effects of victimization by a psychopath on victims’ relationship functioning and physical health. This group has identified several themes in the narrative stories of victims, ongoing suffering, transformation and transcendence. But they also say those victims who came through the experience stronger did not really describe how.
This group has identified something I think is very important, that is the question of how to survive victimization and grow from the experience. The fact that a relationship with a sociopath has detrimental effects on psychological, emotional and physical health that lasts for years after the relationship has ended, tells us a great deal about what this disorder is about.
Watch the video: Donna Andersen explains Lovefraud research at psychopathy conference.
Quest! I missed you. glad to see you.
I’ll never forget O for umbrella. my BF calls it a “systems check”. they need to know if they have us thoroughly believing in them, so they lie, blatantly, to watch our responses. Our perspective is colored by our feelings for them. If we believe them to be honest and honerable, we simply adjust our own perpective to match the “truth” that they have told us. O for umbrella was simply a systems check failure!
I agree with you that a psychologist who has never been duped by a P can ever understand what that knife in the back feels like.
Consider that there are so many P’s pretending to be psychologists and therapists that they just do what Sam Vaknin does and they speak from experience – only difference is that Sam actually admits it and these other P’s are wolves in shepards clothing.
hey quest, what you said resonates with me because NLP ( psychological manipulation tactics often used by P’s and Pick Up Artists ) is based on touching on the target’s subconscious mind ( with “word hooks” and suggestions, etc etc ) here’s a pictoral example of NLP ( Neurolinguistic Programming )
I think that’s why it is so important to be AWARE of these techniques and how they’re used.. so we can avoid falling into the trap ourselves. The less aware we are, the higher the chance that we are susceptible to the techniques…
Here’s a warning article i posted a few weeks ago on NLP and how “anchors” are used.
I really appreciate your sharing your thoughts and insights with us quest! I agree that it is difficult to comprehend just the sheer severity of the psychopath’s pathology if one has never encountered one ( as you pointed out, a so called “expert” who has never been involved ). That’s why I think LoveFraud is so valuable- it facilitates real healing, real experiences, real validation.
I am still always and continously appalled at how little the public knows about one of the greatest risks to our sanity, health, and well-being. Not to mention the fact that there are so many of them out there. Psychopaths are predators ( no less ), and they prey on humans- the kindest and most well-intentioned ones of all. Without a doubt, there needs to be a tremendous amount of effort in educating the public, because our ignorance lends to their advantage.
Quest I agree. I think the only people ‘best qualified’ to write about spaths are those who have experienced it.
A bit like giving birth – those of us who have BEEN through it KNOW what it’s like. Now we can explain to someone, who has not given birth, what it’s like, and they can try to write about it. BUT that person can never FULLY understand.
Or on the other hand a man could try to explain what they actually feel at the point of ejaculation. From a woman’s point of view we ‘think’ we know but we have never experienced it.
I have never jumped out of an aeroplane (with or without a parachute!) But I have seen it on tv, read about it. Now does that qualify me to ‘teach’ others how to parachute? I think NOT.
Ok, I’m off for a flying lesson!!!
Denice, Eb
Oxy is so right on in her comment that they tell the truth, drop little bombs to see if we will react. Addiction said to me once when I first met him I asked if he had a girlfriend: “I have lot’s of girlfriends” haha joking. But I found out he really did. ALL AT ONCE!!
Eb seems like many times it’s these “larger than life” types of guys that get hold of our psyches and our hearts. Poor average Joe’s don’t have a chance as long as we stay hooked into the fiction, the illusion. I’ve realized lately that my new BF is ONE HELL OF A MAN. He has never been the drama king or that hero in an Irish film but he is an awesome dude and I am so thankful that he is just the average joe. I am ready to let him be who he is and to getting to know him as a NEW CHAPTER in my life’s story.
Ox Drover:
Yep, you are right. That happened to me more than the conversation about the pets. He also told me that he was unreliable and what you see is what you get. When talking about being separated from his wife he said, what can I say…I’m a dick and she’s a bitch. So…he told me outright over and over again. Ha, I think it’s the ONLY time he was honest!
adamsrib:
Yeah, I know. The excitement isn’t real. I have come to the harsh reality of conclusion if a man is evoking those feelings in me, it’s not good. But how sad is that?? Why can’t I have that heady excitement feeling with a good man? I have never come across that in my life. My experience time after time is that if it is a good man, I am bored. It’s beginning to scare me. Mind you, I have dated very, very little in my life. I was married once, but I have been divorced almost 20 years. I never have gone from man to man. I think that is why when this one came along, I really went a little crazy. I really thought he was the one. What a fool I was.
Hens haha..so true… BTW to post a link from youtube:
go to the clip, highlight the URL address on the top tool bar(http), right click, copy, go to your email or here to LF and right click again, paste and shazam, duckie..
Eb my bf asks me, “am I boring?” and I tell him, BORE ME BABY!! 🙂
He’s quiet, shy, reserved, decent, hard working, funny, adorable, built from gym and cycling, not drop dead gorgeous but we know what that brings us don’t we ? 🙂 he grew up just miles from me, same culture, knows my family, doesn’t drink or do drugs (a little smoke here and there for the arthritis), and looks great for 57! We are going to church this morning!! Last time I went to church with a man for a whole service not just a touristy visit was when I said I do 13 years ago.
Don’t know what is going to happen but I am giving it a go yeseree!! Keep working on yourself EB. You will find a partner if you are as healthy as you can be emotionally, physically, spirtually etc. You will…laws of attraction..
Bye for now, going to CHURCH!!
ha ha…
Dear QUEST!!!! Welcome home, sweetie! Missed you bunches!
I think there is some insight in what you said in your post. (as usual with your posts!) I have always believed that one of the reasons they are so sexually experimenting and trying new people and new things is because they don’t get what WE get—the “bonding hormone release” (oxytocin) and somehow they sense that we get SOMETHING that they don’t and they aren’t sure what it is but they keep trying new partners, new things, etc LOOKING FOR whatever it is that WE get and they do NOT GET. I think at the start of each new sexual relationship they think “maybe this is the ONE” but of course it never is and the new quickly wears off and they haven’t found the MAGIC FEELING so they move on to new partners, new experiences, etc.
Hang around Quest! Youu always add a lot to the conversations! ((((hugs))))