Having spent time listening to many psychopathy researchers, I can attest to many times coming away with the feeling that very critical insights are being missed. An appreciation for the bigger picture just isn’t there yet. For me the bigger picture always includes the family. A sociopath may prey on strangers, but usually that is after a lifetime of practice on family members. The reason this piece is so critical is that the personality disorder, psychopathy is a pervasive disorder of human social behavior that affects every relationship the disordered person has.
Considering what this disorder actually is- a pervasive disorder of human social behavior, the perspective of family members becomes very important. Methods of victimization of others also shed light on the nature of the disorder itself. I think this may be the only psychiatric disorder that would not be present if the affected person was lost alone on an island somewhere. That observation is often lost amid the abnormal brain scans and cognitive tests that are sometimes seen in affected persons.
Without the balance of hearing from victims and family members theories of psychopathy can even miss the central features of the disorder. For example, one new theory of psychopathy called the Triarchic Theory, states that the three traits of boldness, meanness and dysinhibition tell the entire story. The theory is actually better than this sounds but meanness is not what the authors of the theory think it is. If sociopaths were obviously mean, there would not be as many victims.
Given the assertions of the Triarchic Theory it is not surprising that the DSM 5 Personality Disorders Task Force proposed that “acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions (than anger) such as love and anxiety is rare.” Researchers need to put their theories into a perspective that can only be gained through real life outside the laboratory. Therefore it is critical that meetings include work on victims and their experiences, as subjective and “unscientific” as this may sound.
The posters Donna and I presented were an opportunity to challenge researchers to consider their words and assertions carefully. Many came away from reading them doing just that. I had to explain why the language proposed for DSM 5 is wrong, as many tried to defend the proposed statement as true.
There were also two posters from Adelle Forth’s group out of Canada’s Carleton University by graduate students Henriette Bergstrom and Janelle Beaudette on the effects of victimization by a psychopath on victims’ relationship functioning and physical health. This group has identified several themes in the narrative stories of victims, ongoing suffering, transformation and transcendence. But they also say those victims who came through the experience stronger did not really describe how.
This group has identified something I think is very important, that is the question of how to survive victimization and grow from the experience. The fact that a relationship with a sociopath has detrimental effects on psychological, emotional and physical health that lasts for years after the relationship has ended, tells us a great deal about what this disorder is about.
Watch the video: Donna Andersen explains Lovefraud research at psychopathy conference.
Hi Skylar,
That whole workplace (Day Spa) is so disfunctional. The owner, I just realized is using the carrot/stick method: things are going to be so great, we’re gonna have this and that (not today however!), blah, blah, blah.
Another woman who works there met a spath (she did not know it) and his supposed wife. I think she met them at church..lol. Well, it comes down to this: she loaned him (say $5000). They are “victims” of hurricane Katrina and have moved to Mass. He gave her a check for 5K and said, I know I owe you the whole thing, but if you could just give me 2500 back, I’ll pay you back within three months. She took out 2500 from her bank and gave him cash…of course the check bounced. She took him to court using a public defender and she LOST! He works for the Salvation Army and his boss took the stand and said what swell guy he is etc. She is still taking him to court on civil charges though. UGH…she said she cried for three days. She caused a big scene in the court yelling out “that’s a lie” and the judge had her removed. She does not know about gray rock!!
That day (last Sat.) I got my paycheck for two weeks work…and gave my notice right then! I said and today counts lol…so my last day is the 11th. The receptionist said “Do you want to write something out for owner” I said NO, I nevah put anything like this is writing! Unless, of course, my lawyer is present” I’m glad I’m getting out of this nuthouse!! That was my weekend LOLOL
Sorry to ramble, I should remember Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense! : )
Oh, yeah, did I mention this is the town the spath grew up in??? Yep, bunch o’ nutz. More like a Stephen King town lololol
LL,
FLUFFY COAT OF BULLSHIT !!! ROFLMAO, OMG, LOLOLOL… But sheesh, so true! Thank you, for your supportive words! You are doing so well, too! My gosh! Answer to your question, Yes, I passed 6 months, yesterday. I thought it had been sevenish, but I just counted, and exactly six. Feels like longer. Does it feel like it has been more than six, for you? We started at same time, correct?
happiness is…. Being P-Free… Yippeeeee (yes, I am crazy today)
E
Ana, That is the oldest con in the world…..sheesh! I am so sorry she fell for that….and because she is a good person, she thinks everyone is, and they do the PITY PLOY….victims of Katrina, yea! RIGHT! NOT!!!!!
Ana,
I have to laugh. My spath husband lives in the town where they filmed a Stephen King movie. The movie? “THE FOG”.
ahhahahahahah. the irony! hahahahaha!
Oxy & KatyDid,
That is the oldest con in the book! Yep, even though she is in her 50’s, she still fell for it. That man and his wife were actually on TV here saying how wonderful Mass is and how they found a new “family” after Katrina blah, blah, blah. Yeah, a whole new state to steal from lol.
Wow KatyDid that IS creeeepy!
Eden, you’re healing fast, I’m glad. Make sure you don’t heal with part of that knife that he stabbed you in the back with, still in the wound. Sounds like you might have some particles of spath knife still in there. The way to remove the knife completely is to understand how spaths operate because once you do, you will no longer take ANY responsibility for his behavior. He did what he did because he is a predator. Nothing else. All those icky sticky feelings of shame and humiliation are there by his design. He implanted them with his lies. It’s what an emotional predator does. You have to reject them.
Ana, Wow, that sucks to work with so much dysfunction. I’m glad you’re getting out before the shit hits the fan. And your poor friend, I feel so bad for her because she is obviously a good compassionate person and that’s why she was targetted. Who knew it was a sin to be good and compassionate? But it is. I know because I served a 25 year sentence for it. But I’ve reformed.
Skylar,
Thank God you’re here to share you experience with us! You and Oxy for sure know what it’s all about. I feel for my friend also. She totally got suckered…Yes, I’m getting out fast as I can. I have a far better job in my own town. It’s medical massage and sports massage. I’ve been doing it for 12 years. Finally, I got two extra shifts and now I don’t need to go to Stephen King land! Wooot!
SKYLAR!!!! “YOU’VE REFORMED!” LOL ROTFLMAO CHOKE SNORT SNARF, honey, you ain’t never gonna completely “reform,” you’re still a pretty good egg! LOL or as Henry says “Oh, my!” LOL Thanks for the belly laugh I needed one today.
This RECORD SETTING heat wave we are having here now is un-freaking believable! 99 degrees at the first of June…I usually don’t even have my AC on this time of year! Sapping the energy from an old lady for sure! Was sweating like a hog today even before 9 a.m. when I was outside doing my chores and checking on the duckies since their “daddy” Henry won’t come visit them, poooooor babies! LOL
Actually has been a rather peaceful and calm and satisfying day here all by my lonesome….just slowly working on housekeeping chores and taking care of critters, and musing to myself and coming in for a LoveFraud break now and then….hanging clothes on the line (I love the smell of the clothes line dried) and dehydrating herbs and bell peppers….and actually picked a few jalapeno peppers today, the first real “harvest” of the season if you don’t count the bushel basket of elephant garlic I dug and set out to dry!
Tomorrow is a “go to town day” and I kind of dread it really….thought about going to the little store near here and getting a Sunday paper and a bag of ice, but decided wasn’t worth the trouble to take off my flip flops and wash my feet and put on real shoes. LOL
Oxy,
That’s odd cause we are about 56 degrees outside for the past few days. It went from 85 to 56 in a matter of days! You sound like you’re having a good/relaxing time, I’m happy for you! Ahhh to relax. Good luck with your duckies and their no good father lol. What about the kittens?? Are they free to roam about the farm yet?