One reason why many of us found ourselves victimized by sociopaths is because we did not know that dangerous personality disorders existed.
We may have heard of crazy people, but we assumed that we could spot them because they looked and talked crazy. We may have heard of psychopaths, but we assumed they were serial killers or some other type of obviously hardened criminal.
We did not know that people existed who could convincingly proclaim their love, cry tears of sadness, and make glowing promises for the future, all simply to exploit us. We did not know that these people were called sociopaths and/or psychopaths.
In my opinion, a big reason for the public’s unawareness of, and confusion about, this dangerous personality disorder is the lack of agreement in the mental health profession about naming and defining it. How can you educate the public about these social predators when you can’t even decide what to call them?
Range of names
Research psychologists in major universities use the term “psychopath.” The main reason is that they run their studies using the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), developed by Dr. Robert Hare.
The PCL-R is recognized as the gold standard for evaluating the disorder. The instrument includes a list of 20 characteristics. An individual is rated 0, 1 or 2 on each item, and the points are added up for a total score. A person must score 30 to be diagnosed as a “psychopath.” For more on the PCL-R, read Researchers minimize the psychopathy problem.
Psychiatrists and other clinicians follow the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, now in the 4th edition. At the moment, the official term in the manual for this malady is “antisocial personality disorder.” Psychiatrists use the term “sociopath” for short.
Currently, the DSM-IV recognizes 10 personality disorders, divided into three clusters—A, B and C. Cluster B covers dramatic, emotional or erratic disorders. It includes antisocial, borderline, histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders.
All of this, however, is in the process of change—the 5th edition of the manual is now being written. A year ago, a draft of the new manual was posted on the Internet, and the public was invited to comment. For the most part, the diagnostic criteria were much improved, but Dr. Liane Leedom and I had problems with a few of the descriptive statements. Read our views in Lovefraud’s comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5.
My biggest problem with the revision is that it creates yet another name for this condition, “antisocial/psychopathic type.” Personally, I think this term is ridiculous. I don’t even know how it would be used in a sentence. Do we say that someone is an “antisocial slash psychopathic type”?
Selecting “sociopath”
When I was first developing Lovefraud.com back in 2004, I had to decide which term to use. After some informal market research, I selected “sociopath.”
The main reason was that “psychopath” was just too scary. Hollywood and the media portray psychopaths as deranged serial killers. I worried that people would not believe they had a psychopath in their lives, because he or she had never killed anyone, and would therefore dismiss all of the information about this disorder.
My reasoning was supported by last year’s Lovefraud survey. The survey asked the following questions:
Before your involvement with this disordered individual, what did you understand the term “sociopath” to mean?
- Criminal: 19.2%
- Serial killer: 19.4%
- Someone who was delusional: 6.4%
- Person without empathy or a conscience: 19.7%
- I didn’t know what it meant: 35.3%
Before your involvement with this disordered individual, what did you understand the term “psychopath” to mean?
- Criminal: 15.0%
- Serial killer: 51.2%
- Someone who was delusional: 13.4%
- Person without empathy or a conscience: 8.9%
- I didn’t know what it meant: 11.5%
Fully half of the 1,378 survey respondents believed a psychopath was a serial killer. I think it’s safe to assume that this level of misinformation pervades the general public.
Overlap
So the experts argue over terminology. I’ve even had two college psychology professors contact me to tell me that I’m using the wrong name. Although they didn’t seem to be aware of the disagreement in the field, I am, and I summarize the disparate views on the Lovefraud.com page, Psychopath/sociopath.
In practice, the behaviors and traits exhibited by individuals diagnosed with psychopathy, sociopathy narcissism, and even borderline personality disorders overlap, so it’s hard to tell where one ends and another begins. Many Lovefraud readers simply describe the individual they were involved with as P/S/N, for psychopath/sociopath/narcissist. Others say that the individual has a “cluster B” disorder. Of course, no one knows what that means, but it is less prejudicial and more likely to be believed.
Proposed name
I propose a solution to the name problem. I propose that “sociopath” become the general term for a social predator, someone who exploits others.
In the general category of “sociopath,” there can be subcategories that reflect the different types of exploiters. “Psychopath” can be defined as someone who scores 30 or more on the PCL-R. “Narcissist” can be someone who uses others, but doesn’t necessarily set out to cause them harm. “Antisocial personality disorder” could describe the people who are worse than a narcissist, but not as bad as a psychopath. Other subcategories can be defined as the experts see fit.
“Sociopath” has the advantage that it is already in the lexicon, but does not carry the cultural baggage of “psychopath.” People are generally aware that the word has something to do with bad behavior. But, as our survey pointed out, the largest number of respondents didn’t really know what “sociopath” meant, so they could be educated.
“Sociopath” could be analogous to the term “cancer.” There are many types of cancer—lung cancer, skin cancer, colon cancer—but we all know that cancer is bad and we take precautions to avoid it. We don’t smoke. We use sunscreen. We eat fiber.
Here’s a key point: For many people, the harm caused by sociopaths is completely avoidable, if we take precautions.
Some of us were unlucky in that we were born to a sociopathic parent, or into a family that contained sociopaths. We were stuck in those situations until we could find a way to get out.
But the rest of us invited the sociopaths into our lives. If we knew that these predators existed, if we knew the warning signs, we never would have done it. We could have avoided the trauma that they caused.
In my view, settling on a clear name and diagnostic criteria for this disorder is a public health issue. People have learned how to protect themselves from cancer. With education, we can learn how to protect ourselves from sociopaths as well.
Hens, If I were to call Jim a sociopath to his face. He would turn it around on me so fast that he would have me in tears. I would be ready to kill him out of helpless rage.
And, all it would do is add a word to his list of names that he calls me.
Yep Jeannie – that is why it’s best to not say anything….whats important is that we know – who give a ratz butt what they think anymore? I dont…
I talked to a guy the other day that said he liked sociopaths because they were all about him….go figure……
Kim,
I found the article you told me about, IT’S GREAT! THANKYOU!
Your researching skills hit the jackpot again.
For everyone else, here’s the corrected link:
http://www.healing-arts.org/healing_trauma_therapy/traumabonding-traumaticbonds.htm
I’m not anywhere near done reading it but have already seen several KEY words that help finish the puzzle. One, is “power-imbalance”, a required component of the trauma bond. This is key because the spath is ALWAYS looking for power. He is looking for a way to re-live what happened to him except with himself in the powerFUL position as opposed to feeling like a powerLESS child. It’s why they are always trying to assume the mantle of authority.
Hens, I am having a problem with what he thinks cause I am afraid he is trying to run me out of the county. I am a property owner and don’t have a free and clear title, and I won’t start over with nothing, I gotta stand my ground.
Well, at least that guy you talked to admits that he is one of the spaths. Problem is he is proud of it. Dang, gotta wonder if being a sociopath means social status.
I’m cracking myself up. I just got done posting on Hidden Hurt. I gotta save this stuff for a pick-me-up on a bad day.
—————————————-
Steve I have been Jim free for 8 months. I feel like I’m at a 12-step program. I stand up and say… I am a Jimaholic and I have been sober for 8 months.
It could get embarrassing if your ex-spaths name is Al
Kim, Sky,
I clicked the link and I’m glued! What a great article.
I think some of the exercises could even be done on my own.
Thanks for providing that!
LL
Jeannie and hopeforjoy –
I know that same look you were talking about earlier!
When I went to the local court about a breach of the restraining order I held against the Superspath, I was terrified. I had a friend with me and one of the security guards stayed with me, talked nicely to me, was very kind and supportive throughout. Fast forward to the court appearance (many months later) when I was applying to have that same restraining order (which had been in place for 3 years) extended. I went in strong and faced down the Superspath, determined not to let him psyche me out anymore. It back-fired on me. The magistrate said I clearly was no longer frightened of him and that he could not be certain that I would not use the order as a “sword, rather than a shield”.
I was crushed and suddenly afraid (after the hearing) that now that spath ws ALLOWED to approach me, ALLOWED to talk to me, ALLOWED to contact me – he might hurt me on the way back to my car. I turned to the security guard (same guy from before) to ask if he could walk me to my car (like he had done on the previous occasion) and he was as cold as ice. He barely made eye contact, begrudgingly walked me to the front door of the court house then abruptly left me there alone after sneering at me. You see – he, too, had bought the garbage peddled in court that day by the spath, just like the magistrate had.
So, so, so unfair, unjust, unkind, judgemental and JUST PLAIN BLOODY WRONG OF THEM!!!
Hi ya’ll. Haven’t been on for a few days but I am really LOW DOWN tonite. I don’t think I’m ever going to get a job. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my home and my vehicle. I just don’t know what to do. I am writing up my case to take it to the labor board as soon as possible, but it could take weeks to see action.
I thought I had a position. I signed on with a temp agency and was almost completely done with the hiring process except for my drug screen appointment. I was scheduled for orientation for Friday. I did have an underlying fear though because I found out that two of the psychos from my job were also employed with the agency as well. I was hoping it wouldn’t be something. I had amazing references and then suddenly they called today and said that they changed their mind and that they were no longer pursuing the hiring process with me anymore-they are no longer interested in me-after my former supervisor told them that I was one of the most highly competent nurses she’s ever known.
I can’t deal with it. It’s so evil how these people can lie like this and blackball me. This is the second job I’ve lost since being wrongfully terminated from this job. Why do the evil ones keep winning?
To all L/F bloggers:
I saw a great show on tv yesterday – channel E – the story was “Dating Nightmares”. The show is about internet dating, teenage dating, stalkers and a s/p. What was interesting was the s/p – Hillard Quint – he was a disbarred lawyer from Georgia who got a new identity, moved to Chicago and stole millions from women. He was finally caught and brought up on charges stemming from Georgia. The interesting thing is that all the money he took from the women – it was just swept under the carpet – there was no justice for them..
If you get a chance – you can google Hillard Quint and read about him. The story may still be on line – google Eonline.com and look for dating nightmares.
Again, the s/p gets away with stealing from the victims.
Dear Nolarn,
I’m sorry that things are backfiring on you sugar, and unfortunately, for situations like this that are “he said/she said” or They said, it is very difficult to get “justice” out of the situation in the end. Just by being the “fired employee” you are in a “one-down position” and the administration is in the “one-up power position” over you…you are an individual and they are a hospital.
My suggestion for what it is worth is that you find A JOB, in nursing, ANY job in nursing, even on the lowest step on the ladder and take it and stay there a year before trying to move back on to a better one. During that year use the time to work on yourself, and over coming the frustration that you feel from having been back stabbed. It is so FRUSTRATING to be telling the truth and to have others “win” by lying and malice and gossip and NOT BE ABLE TO DO A DARNED THING TO DEFEND YOURSELF. Being RIGHT doesn’t always mean jack schitt in the win or lose department. I’m so sorry you are going through all this. (((Hugs))))