One reason why many of us found ourselves victimized by sociopaths is because we did not know that dangerous personality disorders existed.
We may have heard of crazy people, but we assumed that we could spot them because they looked and talked crazy. We may have heard of psychopaths, but we assumed they were serial killers or some other type of obviously hardened criminal.
We did not know that people existed who could convincingly proclaim their love, cry tears of sadness, and make glowing promises for the future, all simply to exploit us. We did not know that these people were called sociopaths and/or psychopaths.
In my opinion, a big reason for the public’s unawareness of, and confusion about, this dangerous personality disorder is the lack of agreement in the mental health profession about naming and defining it. How can you educate the public about these social predators when you can’t even decide what to call them?
Range of names
Research psychologists in major universities use the term “psychopath.” The main reason is that they run their studies using the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), developed by Dr. Robert Hare.
The PCL-R is recognized as the gold standard for evaluating the disorder. The instrument includes a list of 20 characteristics. An individual is rated 0, 1 or 2 on each item, and the points are added up for a total score. A person must score 30 to be diagnosed as a “psychopath.” For more on the PCL-R, read Researchers minimize the psychopathy problem.
Psychiatrists and other clinicians follow the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, now in the 4th edition. At the moment, the official term in the manual for this malady is “antisocial personality disorder.” Psychiatrists use the term “sociopath” for short.
Currently, the DSM-IV recognizes 10 personality disorders, divided into three clusters—A, B and C. Cluster B covers dramatic, emotional or erratic disorders. It includes antisocial, borderline, histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders.
All of this, however, is in the process of change—the 5th edition of the manual is now being written. A year ago, a draft of the new manual was posted on the Internet, and the public was invited to comment. For the most part, the diagnostic criteria were much improved, but Dr. Liane Leedom and I had problems with a few of the descriptive statements. Read our views in Lovefraud’s comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5.
My biggest problem with the revision is that it creates yet another name for this condition, “antisocial/psychopathic type.” Personally, I think this term is ridiculous. I don’t even know how it would be used in a sentence. Do we say that someone is an “antisocial slash psychopathic type”?
Selecting “sociopath”
When I was first developing Lovefraud.com back in 2004, I had to decide which term to use. After some informal market research, I selected “sociopath.”
The main reason was that “psychopath” was just too scary. Hollywood and the media portray psychopaths as deranged serial killers. I worried that people would not believe they had a psychopath in their lives, because he or she had never killed anyone, and would therefore dismiss all of the information about this disorder.
My reasoning was supported by last year’s Lovefraud survey. The survey asked the following questions:
Before your involvement with this disordered individual, what did you understand the term “sociopath” to mean?
- Criminal: 19.2%
- Serial killer: 19.4%
- Someone who was delusional: 6.4%
- Person without empathy or a conscience: 19.7%
- I didn’t know what it meant: 35.3%
Before your involvement with this disordered individual, what did you understand the term “psychopath” to mean?
- Criminal: 15.0%
- Serial killer: 51.2%
- Someone who was delusional: 13.4%
- Person without empathy or a conscience: 8.9%
- I didn’t know what it meant: 11.5%
Fully half of the 1,378 survey respondents believed a psychopath was a serial killer. I think it’s safe to assume that this level of misinformation pervades the general public.
Overlap
So the experts argue over terminology. I’ve even had two college psychology professors contact me to tell me that I’m using the wrong name. Although they didn’t seem to be aware of the disagreement in the field, I am, and I summarize the disparate views on the Lovefraud.com page, Psychopath/sociopath.
In practice, the behaviors and traits exhibited by individuals diagnosed with psychopathy, sociopathy narcissism, and even borderline personality disorders overlap, so it’s hard to tell where one ends and another begins. Many Lovefraud readers simply describe the individual they were involved with as P/S/N, for psychopath/sociopath/narcissist. Others say that the individual has a “cluster B” disorder. Of course, no one knows what that means, but it is less prejudicial and more likely to be believed.
Proposed name
I propose a solution to the name problem. I propose that “sociopath” become the general term for a social predator, someone who exploits others.
In the general category of “sociopath,” there can be subcategories that reflect the different types of exploiters. “Psychopath” can be defined as someone who scores 30 or more on the PCL-R. “Narcissist” can be someone who uses others, but doesn’t necessarily set out to cause them harm. “Antisocial personality disorder” could describe the people who are worse than a narcissist, but not as bad as a psychopath. Other subcategories can be defined as the experts see fit.
“Sociopath” has the advantage that it is already in the lexicon, but does not carry the cultural baggage of “psychopath.” People are generally aware that the word has something to do with bad behavior. But, as our survey pointed out, the largest number of respondents didn’t really know what “sociopath” meant, so they could be educated.
“Sociopath” could be analogous to the term “cancer.” There are many types of cancer—lung cancer, skin cancer, colon cancer—but we all know that cancer is bad and we take precautions to avoid it. We don’t smoke. We use sunscreen. We eat fiber.
Here’s a key point: For many people, the harm caused by sociopaths is completely avoidable, if we take precautions.
Some of us were unlucky in that we were born to a sociopathic parent, or into a family that contained sociopaths. We were stuck in those situations until we could find a way to get out.
But the rest of us invited the sociopaths into our lives. If we knew that these predators existed, if we knew the warning signs, we never would have done it. We could have avoided the trauma that they caused.
In my view, settling on a clear name and diagnostic criteria for this disorder is a public health issue. People have learned how to protect themselves from cancer. With education, we can learn how to protect ourselves from sociopaths as well.
2cop,
I’m so sorry this is happening to you ((( hugs )))
I’ll be praying for you and hoping a job comes up.
Don’t give up.
LL
Nolarn,
You are good at your job and competent. Eventually you will find a place where that is what counts and not the DRAMA that sociopaths create around you. When you do, you’ll know that you have found a good place to work.
(((hugs)))
On the subject of naming the disorder:
perhaps Dr. Scott Peck had it right. He called them people of the lie. The lie is the tool they use to create their own reality and to deceive others too. So it describes the root of their pathology.
aussiegirl says:
” ”“
I know that same look you were talking about earlier!
” .
So, so, so unfair, unjust, unkind, judgemental and JUST PLAIN BLOODY WRONG OF THEM!!!
_______________________________________________
An observation I made a along time ago, and so frustrating:
It seems we are penalized for NOT behaving, or continuing to behave, like victims.
Nothing against those who have been victimized, feel like victims ”“ at least for awhile ”“ and behave thusly. However, some of us just aren’t made that way.
Unlike my parasitic predatory sister who is a master victim, I am loathe to feel like one, certainly not for any length of time, even subsequent to having been victimized. Even if I feel moments of self-pity, I tend to move on soon to empowering myself (and usually others) so as not to allow such violations again.
Unfortunately, then I don’t appear the frightened, sniveling victim worthy of any protection or other assistance or support, so I get none, leaving me more vulnerable in a very real sense. Indeed, the violator uses my strength against me to “prove” that she is the meek, innocent, persecuted victim while I am a controlling, malicious monster. This despite the fact that I have acted only with personal strength and not controlled or attempted to control anyone other than myself, and have done nothing more malicious that disallow unjust, and at times dangerous, treatment.
That, projection, and a pocketful of similar ploys work wonders for the predator in preemptively defending herself while rendering me powerless, or at least severely handicapped, in defending myself.
I want to comment on the AA conversation between Witty and Oxy.
In “How It Works” ( a chapter out of the Big Book of AA) that is read at every meeting, it says, “…There are those, too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.”
AA’s are constantly reminded of their self-centeredness. Of their desire to, “run the show” of their desire to control. Of the tendency to blame shift.
The 12 steps are designed to combat these tendancies.
In AA a dry drunk is a drunk who isn’t drinking, but who isn’t working the steps. If he isn’t working the steps he’s acting in old behaviors…the same ones he had before he stopped drinking.
I think that most AA’s who have been in the program awhile realize that there are often personality disorders hiding under addictions. AA does not take the incurable stand on the issue, however. Thank God. There is already so much shame to deal with, and so many issues of rejection.
I went to therapy at the same time that I was going to AA because I knew I had other problems. But I wanted to change and recover.
I agree that there are a lot of sick folks in AA, but most of them are sincere in their attempts to recover and to change their behavior.
Oxy, LL, and Skylar-thanks for the kind words. I’m so scared and frustrated right now. I am applying for everything right now and hoping that someone gives me a chance. I am renewing my Missouri license in case I have to go back there to work even. I am waiting on my last tiny check from the hospital from my PTO so I can at least pay my truck payment. My rent is paid throught March. I am waiting on my unemployment but it hasn’t shown up yet, and it’s NOT much. It looks like I’m going to have to get an attorney because the labor board doesn’t seem to handle these types of cases. I’m terrified about what that’s gonna cost. It just hurts so much when I know my references are so awesome and this “termination” does not jive with my employment record and the way I practice my job. I was all set for orientation and they call and say that they changed their mind about me. Those bitches did that-those two girls that were part of the socio group. I guess it’s good maybe that I don’t work for this agency though, if they hold those two girls in such high esteem, because they are nasty and evil.
I was worried after the interview that this would happen. They made a big deal out of knowing those two girls. It’s so true what Oxy always says-just because you feel paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you!!
Dear Nolarn,
Sugar I’m sorry that this is all happening to you, but NOT surprised at all. Not surprised that you had the back biting behind your back either…as far as the labor board not handling this kind of case, I think you are most likely going to come up against a BRICK WALL no matter where you turn,, and they have attorneys on staff, so you are looking at a bunch of money to hire an attorney and may in the end be better off to just let it ride and get another job, a job anywhere you can find one and just sort of lay low. I KNOW THAT IS NOT FAIR, IT IS NOT JUST, IT IS HOWEVER, REAL LIFE.
Dr. Leedom just got her license back after YEARS of not being able to work as a physician because of what her PSYCHOPATHIC EX HUSBAND DID TO HER PRACTICE. Not something she did…but still the fall out of the psychopathic association with her ex husband. We all pay prices when we are attacked by them, and that’s just the truth of the matter. Sometimes we just have to “suck it up” and do the best we can and not expect “justice” or “evenness” it just isn’t in the cards. Life is NOT fair and I know that and it SUCKS, but it’s the real world. I wish I could say “go get’em, you’ll win,” but sadly many times the psychopath does “win” in terms of getting one over on us and making us suffer. You cannot UN-ring a bell.
If MO is a “compact” state, you can work in any state that is in the nurse practice compact agreement (Lousy-anna is NOT and in fact, wouldn’t even honor our arkansas licenses for emergency relief after Katrina. (GO FIGURE) when volunteers were all set to go help out. How stoopid is that????
Anyway, just keep your pins under you and don’t despair! (((hugs))))
2 cop,
I’m so so so sorry you’re feeling so frustrated. Maybe a little defeated too in thinking that they won?
While reading your post, you mentioned going back to Missouri to get work if you have too. I was going to mention that maybe you would consider moving to get a job if you had to, prior to that because being a Nurse (at least with a few of my Nurse friends, they’ve not had issues finding work elsewhere if they needed too), means you’re good to go with flexibility in working elsewhere.
Another thing, I agree with Ox in that life isn’t fair. And that is just reality, but I often wonder if that reality could not be taken as something that will eventually be positive. Okay, so this situation is BRUTALLY unfair….but maybe your path is taking a different turn now to something BETTER. You have a new stress now in finding a job, and even though it seems like “they won”, it’s really YOU that wins, because who wants to provide patient care in an environment with such UNCARING people? There is a place out there that deserves the QUALITY of care that YOU can provide because you DO care so much. I feel sorry for the patients that are stuck with these people. The industry is FULL of them, which is actually sad. It’s also quite worrisome. I wouldn’t want someone sticking a needle in my arm that was hellbent on causing me PAIN and I’ve had a nurse or two like that who were absolute BITCHES….but more often than not, there have also been those who are kind and those are the Nurses I remember the most. 🙂
They aren’t worthy of you, 2 cop, not in that place of business, nor anymore of your precious energy.
I’m praying hard for you. 🙂
LL
Sociosibs –
“then I don’t appear the frightened, sniveling victim worthy of any protection or other assistance or support, so I get none, leaving me more vulnerable in a very real sense. Indeed, the violator uses my strength against me to “prove” that she is the meek, innocent, persecuted victim while I am a controlling, malicious monster. This despite the fact that I have acted only with personal strength and not controlled or attempted to control anyone other than myself”
EXACTLY! When we are fragile and trembling, we are being dramatic and “putting it on” but when we get ourselves some help, support, therapy, whatever – and we learn to face the spaths down (even though, realistically, this could make them even more mad at us and dangerous to us) and look them in the eye – then the judicial system decideds thatw e don;t need to be protected. They really have SO much to learn.
In one way, I am relieved to know that I am not alone in this dilema (just as I am about having tangled with spaths) but in so many other ways I am outraged that (as actual victims of truly evil and dangerous parasites) any recovery we manage, or any strength we show, is used against us to undermine our credibility.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!
nolarn –
My previous offer still stands. Perhaps a complaint to the labour board can still be organised without the help (or cost!) of an attorney. I’m willing to look at it for you (not meaning to brag or anything, but I just won a major battle against a huge government department over here – so who knows?) xx
Whatever you decide, my thoughts and best wishes are with you.
Kim when I was at my lowest point with the relationship trauma a friend gave me some AA books and I found them very helpful. I dont and never have had a drinking problem, just more of a thinking problem, and yes I do have a few addictions that need some attention – working on that.
I was watching an old black and white movie with Susan Haywood? prolly back in ’39 and her character was an alcoholic big time – and the AA people came to her and helped her recover, it was a very inspiring movie – but AA has been around a long time…..