This is a very tragic story left by one of our readers:
My daughter was misdiagnosed with ADHD. Then bipolar disorder, then Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I stormed out of her psychologist office when she told me that she saw something “dark” in my child. That was when she was 7. When she was 8, her sociopathy increased and she purposely drowned my poodle. She also tried to smother my baby by my second husband. The strain of her and my carrying the baggage from my last relationship has driven he and I apart and we currently trying to file for divorce.
She steals daily, has even stolen as much as $500 from my wallet. I lock things away, and she will simply pry open the lock, break the lock or disable locked windows so she can climb in for access to everything. My son sleeps with his father at night at his own home, while I sit here at night, catching her lurking through the dark, stealing whatever she can get her hands on (i.e., money, jewelry, food, perfume). If I try to discipline her, she simply runs off and screams to the top of her lungs “don’t kill me”, which causes the neighbors to call the police. Just this morning, I discovered money missing and brand new snacks I bought last night for the baby and all of us to share GONE. Every single day she steals. I have to sleep at night and when I do, she lurks in the dark, prying open things, destroying things.
It’s like if she is alone for a moment, she does something way over the edge. Like this morning, I caught her chopping blooms from cacti I planted with a mini shovel, I mean she looked like the LAST SAMARI. I am being victimized everyday and feel like she is the hunter in my home and I am the hunted. I have arranged for an IEP at her school and it is my goal to get her placed in a facility in Utah where they house and treat child psychopaths or excuse me, Oppositional Defiant children because liberal America will not allow her to be called what she truly is until she turns 18.
The issue of likely outcome is more difficult in child psychiatry than it is in any other aspect of medicine. Think for a moment, if a child has cancer and we know that 65% of children with this cancer die, what does that tell us about our particular child? I chose the number 65% because that is the percentage of conduct disordered teens that went on to develop antisocial personality as adults in one study.
When we consider studies of conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and symptoms of psychopathy in children we have to consider that most of these studies are done on a special population of children that are being treated at University based clinics. So the information about prognoses we get is likely pessimistic. Sill not even these studies show that 100% of children with these symptoms have them into mid adulthood.
I would like to tell you about three children, I watched grow up. These children show us that we have to be careful about trying to predict adult personality function on the basis of what we see in a child.
The first child is a neighbor of mine. When she was 7 she was so fearful and shy that she refused to go on play dates. I spoke to her mother about this and her mother indicated that symptoms of anxiety tended to run in their families. Well, I saw that girl again at 14 and I can tell you she is “popular” and not at all shy. I asked her mother about what happened. Her reply was, “Yeh, she grew out of it.”
The second child is a boy who was a sibling of one of my daughter’s friends. At 7 he was a mess, very impulsive and easily angered. So much so he got into trouble in religious school. At 13 this boy is controlled and polite, a fine young man.
The last child is a boy I grew up with. I was always an animal lover. This boy’s behavior disgusted me because at 7 he captured lizards, stuck sticks through their mouths and killed them. He then put his kills in the street for cars to run them over. I hated that kid! Well, he did not grow up to be a psychopath. He is a loving husband, responsible father and business owner.
Video of 7 year-old Latarian
After introducing this background, I would like you to watch the video of Latarian Milton, a 7 year old who stole his mother’s car. (This video was recommended in one of our reader’s comments and I appreciate that.)
Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itgcNy3L_Xc This boy demonstrates for us what psychopathic personality traits look like in children. He shows no remorse and says he enjoys doing bad things. He doesn’t care about the consequences of his actions because for him the fact that he gets enjoyment justifies everything. The comments left on Youtube reveal that many people have one of two incorrect views of psychopathy in children. The first is that it can be cured by beating the child. The second is that it invariably leads to a disordered adult.
If there was only a 10 percent chance that a child’s cancer could be cured, most people would still advocate that the child get aggressive cancer treatment. The odds for disordered kids are at least that and yet many people say they should be written off and secretly believe they should either be euthanized or imprisoned for life.
What should be done to help psychopathic children?
Psychopathic children do have the same issues as psychopathic adults. Namely, their pleasure system is warped and their impulse control system is defective. The difference is that these two systems are more changeable in a child than they are in an adult.
Psychopathic children enjoy “being bad” (to quote Latarian in the video above) more than they enjoy anything else. What they need is to be taught how to enjoy loving human connections. If they can learn to enjoy loving, then they have a chance at developing a modicum of empathy and conscience. This is where our pessimistic view of psychopathic children can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Studies show that the parents of such children often dislike them. The people who advocate writing off these kids do not help these parents. Parenting an at-risk child is the most difficult task many will ever have to face.
We have to support the parents of psychopathic children and encourage them to try to find something in the child they do like and can connect with. Psychopathic children require constant adult supervision and affectionate adult companionship.
Psychopathic children also need to be taught about the nature of impulses and morality. They need verbal lessons as well as real life lessons in the form of consequences. Studies show that when parents of psychopathic children dislike them, they often pull back and do not provide the consistent teaching of impulse control these kids need.
There is also another side to the prognosis coin. That is that many children who appear to be “normal” grow up to be psychopathic. I know this from two sources, scientific studies and people who write me. Dr. Hare has said the antisocial behavior that leads to sociopathy/psychopathy begins during childhood and adolescence. I agree with him, but the problem is that this antisocial behavior can take many forms. For example, lying, stealing and being aggressive toward a sibling are all behaviors that many sociopaths showed during childhood. Many children engage in these behaviors and so again we may consider them “normal.”
How can we prevent sociopathy in adults?
Behavioral science has revealed a great deal about what we can do to give all children the best chance. I was at a conference this week and one of the speakers noted that the State of California bases its estimate on the future need for prison space on the reading scores of children in 3rd grade! In addition to effective parenting, at-risk children need to have quality education. Right now our practice is to take troubled children and group them together for school. Not only do they all then get a substandard education, but they get to teach each other more antisocial behavior!
As a society, we are far from doing our best for psychopathic kids. Some children will develop disordered in spite of the best parenting and professional help. YOU WILL NOT KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS IN THAT GROUP UNTIL YOU HAVE GIVEN HIM THE BEST PARENTING AND PROFESSIONAL HELP AVAILABLE. Medication may be necessary for some children. If you have done your best as parent and your child still has problems, forgive yourself. Rest assured that his problems would be much worse if you had not done your best.
I want to end with what I believe are the 10 attributes of effective parents:
Summary of Effective Parenting
- Effective parents are warm and empathetic.
- Effective parents reward good behavior.
- Effective parents establish clear rules and enforce them through limit setting.
- Effective parents model good behavior.
- Effective parents teach impulse control, respect and values.
- Effective parents surround their children with positive influences.
- Effective parents protect their children from entering into situations they won’t be able to handle.
- Effective parents teach age appropriate life skills.
- Effective parents have fun with their children.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZSZ!
STar, I think there is some “missing piece” in US that makes THEM pick us….I’ve always felt that there is so much ALIKE in the way they think, feel, behave and there seems to be the lack of boundaries in us. There “must be” some common denominator in us as well. They have no conscience. We have no boundaries. (or poor poundaries) or we wouldn’t put up with their abuse after the first time it happened.
So, what is there in US that “caused” us to have poor boundaries? Some common factor? It seems that many of us were not nurtured enough as children.
I use animal behavior many times to try to see why humans behave as we do.
I know that most baby animals that for one reason or another don’t get enough sucking as infants, even though they got at least a minimum amount of food to survive, tend to be “suckers” as “teenagers” or even as adults.
Horses who are weaned too early and don’t get enough sucking start gnawing on various things (it is called “cribbing”) and I have some kittens I rescued who were abandoned by their mother much too early. They even now when they should have normally been weaned will suck on their sisters who are older.
They didn’t get enough nurturing by sucking as infants so they are trying to find that nurturing now, well past the age when they normally would have been past the need to suck if they had been adequately nurtured as infants and “toddler” kittens, will they ever be able to “mature” and not continue to need that nurturing they didn’t get when they were tiny?
Is that what happened to us? For one reason or another we didn’t get some need met in nurturing at some stage in our lives and now we are trying to fill that unmet need with the fantasy the P offers us?
I have examined my own upbringing and realized that my entire life was lived around pleasing others. I was taught that was my mission in life, and that my needs came last (if at all). I was not happy with that life, but I never thought to question it until now. Now it is OBVIOUS to me in retrospect how I lived my life, and why, but not obvious until recently. It was almost like I lived a script which was written by someone else. Now I am writing my own lines ad-lib.
I have rearranged my priorities 180 degrees from “before”—now I realize that the things I “valued” are not as important as I thought they were. My home, my farm…I can live and prosper without either of them. My P-son and my “fantasy” about how our family was/would be are not important at all. I realize that my life has meaning without anything I own, and without anyone else in the world—even those that love me and that I love are not ME. They are not my life–I am my life. ME. I am the most important thing/person in my life. Nothing else is essential to me.
OxD
I would say you have it reversed ! that the Psyco is the one Sucking Life, Love,Empathy,Joy !Peace harmony, balance truth from us !
I am the one Nutureing it,
And It never starts out that way it is gradual ! testing our reactions , especially when they slip, and the mask has to be adjusted to the Individual or group or Nation
Oxy, Oxy, Oxy … the reason you and all of us are the way we are is because we can LOVE, respect, appreciate others. It has nothing to do with boundaries … we naturally love, the way we are suppose to be as humans. You loved your parents even though they were hurtful to you. As a child, you cried over the abuse. As you got older, you tried to figure it out. Still older, you started standing up for yourself … and you know the history that went down with both your parents … different times, different places. Same with your children. You loved them. Your children come through you into the world. Love you sweety, but that’s the way it is. You loved your children and taught them right from wrong. If one of your children decided they did not want to listen to wisdom … it is not your fault. The responsibility lays within that individual child. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. If you want an animal analogy here.
My EXs family are good people. Just because their son refused to listen to wisdom, is not a reflection on them. They tried to instill ethics and morals in him, so did the churches and the school system. His ego thought he’d live a better way, jumping over the normal process people go through … getting what he wanted, when he wanted … hey, no competition when you lie through your teeth and jump over and on others … is there? It comes down to selfishness. What’s in it for them and who cares about others. The Bible tells us to stay humble … that all the vices in the world will test us … and not to fall prey to them. People living in their egos could care less about the virtues and vices in the world … you can not get through them … through their egos cause they look down at everyone, thinking they are better than anyone else … they give everyone lip service … and it’s up to us to figure out this lip service … before they are gone down the road to give lip service to others. They won’t slow down on their own, because they are on a rolll … tumbling weeds in life … keep moving, so they don’t get caught. The only thing that slows them down is a prison cell. Period. Then it takes the penal system years of their nonsense to get them to open up the Bible, humble themselves enough to read it.
Period.
Peace sweety … the only boundaries you need are with co-workers and neighbors … and of course, obnoxious blood relatives … cause they will pluck your nerves until you say “stop, I’ve had enough … you won’t change, so I will change … and that change is NOT listening to your lip service any more”. It’s called TOUGH LOVE!
Yes, we still love them… but at a distance. The more people who kick the big egos to the curb … the quicker they’ll all learn that we are wise to them … so change your tune … or else NO CONTACT with any of you.
Peace.
Oh, and Oxy … the Bible says FOOLS will not listen to wisdom. It is written.
And that’s what big egos are … FOOLS.
Peace.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT !
(we) all tend toward our own Comfort zone ! We can Isolate to a certain extent ! Lose our selves in a job , Lose our self in Nutureing another , Lose our self In Nutureing our family , Name it there are many ways of Loseing our self !
We lament over our failure , our past , our everything !
Then ! Some kind of Miricale happens or (we) are thrown Out of this comfort ZONE ! At first we are in disbelief , scared to death !
But If (we) look back and look around it is teaching (us) that where we once felt comfortable (we) where also not Living not growing not learning , not takeing chances , not experiencing LIFE , and Not teaching our wisdom that (we) have paid so dearly for to those who desperatly need (us)
LOVE jere
Then it takes the penal system years of their nonsense to get them to open up the Bible, humble themselves enough to read it.
I am going to make an educated guess that you have never worked in a prison setting. It is usually the other way around. “Jailhouse conversions” are common place and a great many of them are bunk and are only done for self serving reasons rather than faith or change. The Roger Coleman documentary shows a perfect example of his “conversion” and use of religion to further his own ends. It is a great piece for showing a true psychopath and how he operates.
so does this cancel out a true convert ?
You circumnavigate the TRUTH You miss the POINT !
Of course the Psyco does this S/HE is perfectly happy in the system cause they use it exactly the same way they do on the out side. ! i.e Mother terisa calls to try to help Psyco who is exicuted and then his DNA proves he did IT~
BloggerT7165: The key word was HUMBLE. To humble oneself, go quiet, be still … read the words of wisdom. Ask God for his help in deciphering what is read.
Peace … it’s getting past your ego, letting your ego go, putting your faith, your all into our respect for our creator … who knows best.
If you keep your ego in tack and read the Bible … you can read it all your want … you won’t learn wisdom … it’s letting go of your ego, becoming humble, the way God wants us to live our lives, is when you can read the word of God … and then you will get it…. understand and comprehend his wisdom.
Reading the Bible for the rest of your life is what we are suppose to do. It’s a life long commitment … along with attending church (community) to hear the wisdom of the Gospel and be surrounding by like wise humans venturing this path of life.