UPDATED FOR 2020
Most Lovefraud readers are here because you were, or are, romantically involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder. Usually romance leads to sex, although you may have noticed that sex with a an antisocial or psychopath isn’t particularly romantic.
The sex may be exciting, erotic and adventurous. But if you’re looking for a true connection, the “sacred conjunction,” you’re not going to find it with an antisocial or psychopath, and here’s why:
Power, control and sex
According to Dr. Liane Leedom, people who have antisocial or psychopathic personality disorder want three things in life: Power, control and sex. Often, sex is simply an extension of their desire for power and control.
The most egregious cases of sex-as-power, of course, are sexual assault and rape. But there are other examples that aren’t as violent or obvious.
My ex-husband, James Montgomery, liked to have sex after we argued. I later figured out that Montgomery, with his superior debating skills, usually won the arguments, and I lost. This meant that he dominated the discussion, and therefore, me, which was sexually exciting to him.
So it wasn’t make-up sex. He was adding physical domination to the verbal and psychological domination of winning the argument.
Excess testosterone
All antisocials and psychopaths, both male and female, have very high levels of testosterone. This is the hormone that makes people compete for partners and then mate with them. So with high testosterone, they do a lot of competing and mating.
Being in a relationship doesn’t stop this. Almost all antisocials and psychopaths cheat.
High testosterone is also associated with aggression and criminality. When high testosterone and a high level of disorder combine with deviant desires, the end result can be a very dangerous individual — a violent sexual predator.
Need for excitement
Antisocials and psychopaths crave stimulation and excitement. Sex is about the most stimulating activity that a human being can experience, so they want it. A lot.
And what, exactly, do they want? Variety.
This means antisocials and psychopaths like sex in a lot of different ways, a lot of different places, and with a lot of different people.
While you are their object of desire, your encounters may seem highly erotic. But sooner or later, they get bored. Then, in search of more stimulation, the antisocial or psychopath may push you to participate in activities that you find uncomfortable.
If you decline, he or she will most likely look for new partners — especially partners who are willing to go along with his or her desires.
But even if you go along with your partner’s new demands, he or she will likely still look for new conquests. Antisocials and psychopaths see no need to remain faithful to one person.
Eventually, when all of their past activities become boring, they may pursue the taboo.
Sex as manipulation
Antisocials and psychopaths know that if they can hook you sexually, you are easier to manipulate.
Here at Lovefraud, we’ve written frequently about oxytocin, nature’s “love glue.” Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that makes you feel calm, trusting and content, and alleviates fear and anxiety. Oxytocin is released into your bloodstream and brain when you experience intimacy — especially sex.
So when you have sex with someone, because of the oxytocin, you bond with your partner. You become more trusting with that person, and therefore more malleable.
Oxytocin does not affect antisocials and psychopaths like the rest of us. They don’t bond — it’s speculated that they don’t have the necessary oxytocin receptors.
So what happens when you have sex with an antisocial or psychopath? You bond, and he or she doesn’t. You become more likely to comply with what your partner wants, whereas your partner just keeps pursuing his or her agenda.
Read more here:
Oxytocin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths
Straight, gay or sex with anyone
Several times, I’ve appeared on the “Straight Wives — Gay Men” radio show, hosted by Bonnie Kaye (listen on the Lovefraud media appearances page).
Bonnie has heard from thousands of women who were shocked to discover that their husbands have been sexually involved with men. The women typically come to the conclusion that their husbands are secretly gay, and afraid to live their truth.
This is certainly true in some cases. But in many, many cases, the men were simply antisocials or psychopaths looking for variety in their sexual pursuits.
I’ve also spoken with gay men and women who realized their partners were disordered. Many of them observed that these partners weren’t authentically gay.
The bottom line is that many antisocials and psychopaths are neither straight nor gay — they will have sex with anyone.
For them, sex isn’t about attraction. Sex is just another manipulation technique to further their agenda.
Sociopaths and love
The core of the antisocial and psychopathic personality disorder is an inability to love. They cannot experience the human connection of love, the desire to take care of the person that they love.
So what do antisocials and psychopaths mean when they say, “I love you?”
Some know they are being manipulative, and are just mouthing the words to get what they want. But others equate sex with love. They think sex is love. They are essentially saying, “I want to have sex with you.”
Not out of control
Given a typical sociopath’s tremendous appetite for sex, and the desire for variety, you might come to the conclusion that sociopaths are out-of-control sex fiends.
Not necessarily.
Antisocials and psychopaths can subjugate their sexual desires in the service of a larger agenda. For example, they are quite capable of withholding sex from their partners in order to keep them off balance.
And some Lovefraud readers have reported that their disordered partners aren’t interested in sex. (I do have to wonder, though, if the sociopath is getting sex somewhere else.)
As I said at the beginning of this article, antisocials and psychopaths want power, control and sex. But they’re most interested in power and control.
Fotis Dulos, charged in wife’s murder, dead after suicide attempt
I found myself thinking about this very subject this morning. I have just spent 4 wonderful days with my boyfriend – the longest we’ve had together without a break. A wonderful, warm, intelligent gentleman. We’ve been together for 17 months now. I met him during the long, drawn out divorce process with my ex spath husband.
In my waking moments this morning I looked over to ‘his’ side of the bed and felt a pang of disappointment that he wasn’t there to cuddle up to.
The feeling passed in a few seconds and I just felt happy but it got me thinking about all the years I was with my ex – some 25 years.
In all those years – even in the beginning, we never cuddled in bed. When we ‘made love’, I would try and cuddle up to him. He’d bear it for a few seconds and then say he was too hot. We never went to sleep cuddling, in fact we were usually miles apart in bed and he would be asleep about 2 seonds after his head hit the pillow, even if I was actually talking to him. Eventually I moved out of the bed and slept in the spare room. I said it was because of his horrendous snoring (which was horrendous and a real problem) but truth was I was sick and tired of lying there night after night with no sex or affection of any kind (I had long stopped instigating sex by that time and once that happened, we never had sex again – ever.
It was one of the things that confused me in all my reading about sociopaths – the apparent high libido – which was totally wrong in his case. However, he fitted the bill everywhere else and I know for a fact that at least towards the end he was getting it elsewhere so there is a very strong chance this had been happening for years.
I was so used to his lack of affection in and out of the bedroom for so many years I didn’t know any different. I also realise now that my ex and I never made eye contact during ‘love-making’, in fact it was almost always dark. My guess is that’s the only way he could make it convincing while he thought about something (or someone) else.
I suffered a terribly lonely, sad, sex-less existance for so many years at the hand of my ex, I had felt there would never by anything else. I remember one very bleak evening when things were particularly bad, looking up at the stars with tears running down my cheeks and saying “Really? Is this really what you have in mind for me? Is this really all there is?
How things have changed! I’ve gone through hell and back to break free from my ex. It cost over £30k which still hurts as it would have been for the children but I couldn’t be happier.
There is more. Be brave 🙂
Donna, again I SO appreciate your writing and all you do! I too though had a sociopath that could not get an erection. What he did was pretend he was all excited and couldn’t stand it but that he wanted to wait until we were married like it was supposed to be. If I had had my eyes open I would have seen that it was not because he wanted to wait but it was because he couldn’t keep an erection. He seemed to have NO desire at all after we got married. He had to take pills to be able to have sex at all and after he “had me” he had no interest in even doing that. BUT as SOON as we separated, I found out he was going to a urologist very regularly and on all the dating sites for younger women trying to be good enough to get someone else. We were together 11 years. All that time I felt sorry for him that he couldn’t have sex though he really wanted to. Ha, yeah right. He was probably cheating on me. I don’t want to know really. I never knew for sure. In his case I KNOW he would have used sex if he COULD have. And he is probably “fixed” now so he can. If this sounds bitter, it is and I am. 🙂 I am happily married now though and am very satisfied. I keep reading about sociopaths having this higher than normal sexual desire but I never saw that. Overthehump, thanks for letting me know it’s not just me. Of course I felt it was me that was too unattractive for anyone to want to be with. It’s not true but I felt that way. Who wouldn’t?
And into the bedroom we go – or in my case any room in the house or car or farmers field or golf course. Hey I like variety too but there were some things I could never come to grips with. Although he would talk about anything and everything until my ears wanted to shrivel and fall off he NEVER would discuss openly/honestly (who am I kiddin’ he’s Disordered)this one part of our sex life in a way that we could make any progress or change. I even talked to my Doctor about it and he didn’t seem to think it was of real concern if the rest of our relationship was going well. (he didn’t have 3 days to hear my story so I just nodded my head and thought, oh brother). So having sex with my ex was like making love to a freight train running on rocket fuel. Of course it was exciting at first and coming from my previous marriage where my ex didn’t want me sexually anymore, I was ready for some fun, frequency and attentiveness. And my spath was very attentive. HOWEVER…what I learned once we married (1.5 year courtship and I had two young boys so I made him wait and then we were very careful – I didn’t want any surprises) that he could not climax inside me – like ever. He had an erection that lasted forever – no quickies in my house- but he could ONLY have an orgasm in the end by his own doing. So me no lika that – to say the least. And then I discovered that he was the Masturbation King. God knows how many times a day. Yikes and Blech. But I get it. They are overloaded with testosterone so its a constant release they need to feed. And he worked from home – too convenient. He said if we had sex everyday then he wouldn’t need to. But every time was like a bloody marathon. And hey, I had laundry to do! Oh well – I hope his new gal is fit…
DonnaC…mine was the opposite…three seconds and he was done unless he took Cialis and then it was a bit longer, but even then it was fast…the Cialis just made him able to do it multiple times…still fast, just more times.
What you said about yours not being able to finish inside you…that sounds like he is hooked on pornography as that is what they do. It is probably what he has conditioned himself to do as that is what he sees when he watches porn. I am glad you are rid of him.
SER mine was the same. When he could ‘get it up’ he couldn’t finish inside either. I now wonder whether that too was a manipulation. And yes he liked porn and S&M, he told me some really unpleasant things he’d done in the past. Whether it was true or not I don’t know.
I survived…after reading so many comments on here, it is quite obvious that there are so many men out there with sexual issues. The one I was with had some major sexual issues. I believe it went along with his alcoholism and all his other issues. I think he had mother issues, I think he may have been abused as a child (not sure; will never know), I think he married his mother and is not happy, but will not get a divorce. I think he probably married the perfect woman for him because she has put up with him forever and will also not get a divorce. So he knows she won’t divorce him no matter what he does, and she knows he won’t divorce her no matter how mean she is…it’s a win win situation for them and apparently, it works! Good for them.
I don’t think I will ever be with another man. They have too many issues and baggage. I look around and see all that goes on and it’s not for me. I am way better off by myself.
wow DonnaC: my yuck psychopath is 67…word for word my exact experience…unbelievable,
I hear you. Yup – good riddance. On my own and never happier.
Donna,
Thank you for another great article…..You certainly very plainly and to the point explained the reality of our sociopath’s motives and actions….You described my sex with ex to a T…..looking back, I wish I had known as I puzzled over his actions and my discoveries.
However, after opening the Pandora’s box, I found that my first impressions of the contents were only the tip of the iceburg….
Sex sites, sex clubs, sex cards to call for group sex, emails, texts, phone calls, unexplained absences, phone calls ignored, a whole virtual basement of sexual corruption..and the list goes on.
If a person likes this, then just find a partner in crime, but it would take the delight of toying with us from the sociopath…
I believe one of the most healing thought and the turning point for me was that it didn’t matter to him what I was, what I thought, where I went, what I did, what happened to me or where I was going in life…..and I was alone whether or not I was “with” him or without him……sad but the beginning of enlightenment….
Seeing him fully as a Predator made me fully accept his deviant behavior as the real him…not the fantasy good guy I had always thought him to be….how sad….but the only way to heal….
In the past, I have voiced much on this relationship here on LF….for those who remember, his sex life was indeed a sick menagerie of people…..
I don’t try to figure out how or try to get inside his mind too much….anymore then we would want to be inside the mind of a murderer….we really don’t…we just need to know how corrupt the mind of an sp is and he is not normal….and he is poison….and to know how to spot one….
Happily, the antidote is to know the poison and what will neutralize it…here at LF is the first step for many poor souls….
If you are first time here, It takes time but you will survive and conquer….Believe one day that you will be happy again…
This is my vision for all here….
This is a great article, Donna! I was involved with a married man. He had worked as a handyman for me several years and was always a gentleman. I never suspected he wanted to get intimate with me until we started talking more and he found out that I, who had been with a woman for 28 years, was attracted to men, too. He talked me into getting intimate with him. I told him I liked his wife and did not want to ruin our friendship or cause problems with his marriage. He said he thought sex might make our relationship better. Just thinking about sex with him made me more excited than I had ever been in my entire life! After a few days, he came over and reached in my blouse. I almost fainted. He later said he knew he had me at this point. The sex got better and better over 7 months until the last time. However, he could not get an erection. I told him I had never been with a man and wanted to try it. I am sure that the fact that I had been living a lesbian lifestyle and was a virgin was a real turn on for him. He did not tell me he could not get an erection until after we went to bed. He made love to me for 3 hours the first time and kept saying that he liked to pleasure me. This was all a lie. He really wanted oral sex which I gladly provided, but he always seemed to be interested in my pleasure over his. He said, “you like it all”. Of course, he at first said it was only sex with no expectations, and gradually he made sure I fell in love with him. He led me to believe that his marriage was in trouble. Then he said everything was fine- just normal marital
problems. It was all a game about control. When I realized he was not going to leave his wife, we talked and he had tears in his eyes. However, his face seemed cold. We decided on just an affair. But later, he said he wanted to “step up the relationship”. The sex had progressively gotten better and better. He once said, “Just between you and me, I could let a man do this to me.” I don’t believe he was gay. Like you say, these men just want excitement and do not have the capacity to love. He did work for several gay men. He went all out the day before I left on a trip, but did not even call me after he said he would to see if I had made it safely. I realized at that point that he did not care about me and ended the relationship.
And to continue my last comment. And then of course, when I returned, I called him to bring a book back that I had loaned him. He said he got to thinking when I as gone on my trip, that he was not in love with me and only “liked” me and it was only sex! Yet he had made the most intense love to me ever the day before I left and said he wanted to step up the relationship! He said he was sorry if he hurt me. I told him I had his number and knew he had been with lots of people around here. He said, “not around here,” Wow! He knew I was backing off, and he wanted to win, so he had to make it look like the relationship was meaningless to him to get back at me for dumping him. I ran into he and his wife at the garbage dump in our community a couple of weeks ago, and I talked to his wife and she was very friendly. I am sure she had no idea about our affair. I did say that I had not called him for work since I was using a yard man and knew he did not like yard work. I will never call him again, and I am sure she will wonder why!
How appropriate running into he and his wife at the garbage dump!!!….what a maggot!!….You are correct, he doesn’t care….the best way to get back is to NC…no contact…they can’t believe you just cut them off….he might try to come back…you gotta stay in NC….before I went into permanent NC, I had to disregard the sex connection…it was hard as it was great as far as just sex went….Don’t give in…..and his wife does know!!…
Report back…
So you think his wife knows? If she does,I don’t think she suspected me, since I was known as a lesbian and had had a long term realationship with a woman, but I am not sure how he could have kept all of his affairs a secret all of these years. They have been married 40 years. I don’t think she is very attractive compared to him, but she is thin and has a good personality. He always led me to believe that she really kept an eye on him and was very controlling. I think he is the controlling one and she may just put up with it. He is quite attractive with gorgeous blue eyes and a great personality, but a little overweight. He claims he had a big job making over $100,000 a year until he moved here 8 years ago. He said he and his wife did not see each other much except on the weekends as he had an additional job at the time making about $50,000 year. He says he went out with women after work and flirted on the job,and his wife never suspected since he said he was working late. He admitted to several affairs during their marriage but said he did not cheat on her until after about 10 years of marriage, which I do not believe. He said he almost left her twice, which is probably a lie, as he wanted me to think he might leave her for me. He implied this early in the relationship and said he was going to tell her he was in love with me and she could get a divorce if she wanted. He said he was going to see me no matter what, and planned to continue our affair for a long time! He also said that he had not had sex with anyone other than his wife, in the 8 years he has been here! He said she was not interested in sex in quite awhile. He said she said it hurt, and that she had gotten some cream a while back which did not work, and she had tried it again without success at the time of our affair He said he got Cialis for me a couple of months into our affair. It worked a little for about a week, but not enough for intercourse. He said it was very expensive and the insurance did not cover it and he only had 5 pills left. Not sure why he did not continue it. A friend gave me a few Viagra, and he said he was afraid to take it and sited cases where men had had problems with it. He said he would try a half pill after his wife went back to work, but the affair ended before he had a chance. As a handyman, he is gone several days a week to various places and he could be anywhere and his wife would not know. I lived very close to him, so it was easy for him to stop by here, and no one could see his car as I live in the woods with a private parking area. He said we had the perfect cover- that everyone thought I was a lesbian. And he has been at my house numerous times in the last 5 years working.
I hope I won’t run into him again!
Pianogal
‘but I am not sure how he could have kept all of his affairs a secret all of these years.’
My ex had always told me that his mother was dead. I was good friends with one of his female friends (and still am, in fact it was she that realised he was an spath and supported me through the split). He and I also had another female friend (she was another ex of his – I wasn’t overly friendly with her though).
Any way I was with him 10 years. In that time I had conversations with both women about him, his family etc etc. Both of them knew his mother was dead but didn’t realise I didn’t know. Somehow he had managed to keep that fact totally separate from me.
At any time one or other of them could have mentioned it in conversation and the story would have been out, but they didn’t know that I didn’t know. It wasn’t until after I threw him out that it came up in conversation. It totally pulled the rug out from under me.
So it is quite possible that this woman didn’t know.
UPDATE
Sorry have just reread this and it should have read that these women knew my ex’s mother WAS alive, whilst I thought she was dead.
jmmira,
I do realize I made a horrible mistake getting involved with a married man. I should have known that I could not trust a cheater. When I questioned him once about lying to his wife, he said he wished he could tell her the truth but she would not understand. He said, “You can’t tell everyone the truth” and laughed. I should have realized at this point that he was disingenuous. I was curious and he said he was, too. However, I felt we really fell in love, that his marriage was dissolving and he was going to leave his wife for me. When this did not happen, I still believed he was in love with me and I with him, and I felt I could not stop the relationship until I realized what his true intentions were. I think he is a sociopath because he intentionally led me on and lied to me about his feelings to get what he wanted- oral sex. He knew I would probably not perform this unless I was in love him, so he made sure I fell in love. He said he loved everything about me, that we were perfect for each other, that we were both “givers”, and a match made in heaven! How cruel to tell someone these lies! And you don’t see that as sociopathic behavior?????!!!!!!!!!!! This is obviously a person without a conscience which defines the sociopath. And like Donna says, these people don’t care who they have sex with. I don’t think he was gay. He just wanted the thrill of secretive and forbidden sex!
jmmira
I would disagree with what your social worker has said to you: ‘My social worker told me all women lie about their previous relationships.’ Some women lie some don’t. It could also be said that ‘all men lie about their previous relationships’.
This is just a generalisation on the part of your social worker and suggests that they too have been hurt in the past.
You are not alone however. My current partner’s ex wife told her solicitor all sorts of nasty things about him, such as saying he hurt her, and other stuff. Having known him now for nearly 3 years I can say that he’s not that sort of person, in fact he is a kind, loving, gentle man. I think this woman gets off on saying hurtful things about him.
The problem with spaths is that they manipulate the legal system that is suppose to protect victims such as your self. My ex used to get away with all sorts of stuff, I don’t know how, I think he was able to charm people and had the gift of the gab.
Having been through a 10 year relationship with an spath I can empathise with the pain you’re going through. I’m now 10 years out of that relationship. I takes time to recover and rebuild not only your life, but your soul and your self esteem.
Just remember you’re among friends and people who have experienced similar things to you and we can support you through it. I does get better in time, although it may not feel like it now. Just take one day at a time. Some days will be bad, some days will be good, but you will survive it and by doing so will have won.
Yes, I agree with “I-survived-the bastard.” All women do not lie about their previous relationships, because I know I don’t! I had never been with a man before, and that is the truth, and I am 60 years old. Hard to believe, but true! I believe everyone lies sometimes, but to different degrees and about different things. Sometimes it is good to tell a “white lie” if it keeps you from hurting someone and does no harm.
I think your social worker is setting you up for a lifetime of bitterness and distrust. All women do not lie about their past relationships. I’ve been separated from my sociopathic ex for going on five years’ now. I was on a plane with a man who would NOT believe that I hadn’t cheated in 25 years of marriage (5 separated.) That really said more about him than it did me. If he cannot believe a woman can be faithful, how can he trust for a relationship?
You’ve been dealt a raw deal. In Ca, it’s the opposite. Men get the benefit of the doubt and women are viewed as Jezebels who are just after money. I am willing to leave with the clothes on my back and my kids, but DH will not divorce me. He’s not driven by sex, and he needs the control. I’m trying to get my career back up and running after $35,000 spent to divorce him, and no divorce. (He fought everything, so I couldn’t afford to go to court. Nor could I leave my children with him — he’s not emotionally present.)
But I’m not a victim, and I don’t for a moment think that all men are like him. I don’t necessarily want to be married ever again, but I worry about your attitude and what it will attract into your life. I understand how you “used to be someone else” — I do was someone else. A happy person who believed in goodness and light. That innocence is gone, and it’s never coming back, but I can’t do myself the disservice of replacing it with painting all men a certain way.
And I really didn’t mean to come down on you very hard. Just kind of saying that you did know he was married. He clearly said a lot of things to seduce you.
Jmmira:
I posted above as well to your previous post.
The purpose of this site is not to criticize others. We are here to tell our stories and to help each other through those stories. You talk about judging but you judge.
Plus you are wrong on many levels should not voice your opinions as facts.
Jmmira:
How do you know all about sociopaths?
jmmira – in Pianogal’s defense, sociopaths are extremely persistent, lovebombing, seductive and manipulative. They are experts at finding the least little vulnerability, and using it to convince their targets to do their bidding. It’s not always easy to stick with our morals.
I agree, they are hard to resist and they twist things around and if you’re a vulnerable person, you fall into the trap.
For me it was my empathy for single mothers and a twisted ideal that I could be better husband and father than those I had. When challenged by her about dating a single mom, I said I wouldn’t rule out dating a single mom because things happen.
What I got for that was torture. It’s hard for most women to physically abuse a man, but I think it’s easy for anyone to be verbally abused whether man or woman.
Jmmira:
Its too bad you are having such a bad experience with your wife. It seems the lack of justice drives us all insane with anger and frustration. She sounds very manipulative despite your good intentions.
I read your entire post and just also wanted to help clarify what I, in my opinion, felt Donna was bringing out.
Donna was not stating that men with high testosterone levels are all sociopaths anymore then you are saying that all single mothers are serial child bearers…you just stated one has to watch out for those that fit that bill….
Plus Donna stated that both the male and female levels were high…not just the males…and as Donna stated “High testosterone is also associated with aggression and criminality.” …
And Donna regarding gays or lesbians was showing that many sociopaths don’t care who they have sex with and are not gay or lesbian at all, but only want to gratify themselves.
Donna stated: “The bottom line is that many sociopaths are neither straight nor gay they will have sex with anyone.”
You state that the reason your wife has custody of your son is because she is a woman. Do you know how many times men that are sociopaths manipulate to take custody from women?
If you read on here the blogs, you will find men and woman equally being preyed upon by sociopaths, as you have been…both of the sexes have been beaten down….
I suggest you read some of the books here offered on Lovefraud. Here we educated ourselves in the traits and methods of sociopaths and help each other recover.
In good faith, keep up the fight for your son,
Keep reading….
The man with whom I had the affair said his testosterone level was low, but I wonder if this is true as he lied a lot. He seemed to have a big appetite for food and sex. I think he faked ejaculation. I had never seen semen, but it was thin and watery. I now think it may have been urine since he could not get an erection, and he wanted me to swallow it which I never did! It tasted sort of bitter! Sorry, this is not pleasant reading!
if he could never get an erection, he had low testosterone. i have been with 2 men in my life who hardly had them either, stayed quite small, etc. both did orgasm tho, but not much, true. still…one of them had 6 kids with 3 diff women so WATCH OUT. very fertile still!
The NPD i was with thinks the term making love can be used any time sex of any kind takes place. When I rly understood this, I knew that wen he said make love, lovemaking had nothing to do with it. wat a bummer to realize he never had made love to me. sex with a stranger and sex with me were called the same thing.
they WERE the same to him.
he claimed to feel close to me during and after sex and to need sex for this reason; but in reality he just rly needs sexual release ALOT.
what a man — a man’s man LMAO
Jmmira:
It sounds like your wife was also using your son as a barrier between you and her. I feel really sorry for your poor son…It was nice you made his bed every night. I think you really meant well and are really angry with your wife…
Not all women are liars. I know women who end up hating men and according to them, there are no good men…but there are good men and good women.
Many of us make mistakes in choosing a mate or partner in any relationship. If we believe the lies they tell us, we become manipulated and victims.
Its hard to be in a bad relationship and worse yet when our children are involved….
We all here have divulged intimate details. It helps and no one knows us really and so we can anonymously pour out our souls…..
Many times my friends here on LoveFraud have helped me through rough times and I have helped others. We support each other…..Some of us have been here for years…
Please keep posting your experiences with your wife and son. and It does matter, my friend…
Im going to tell u wat i went thru with the NPD and my kids (not his). Little kids. He would come up to me and start kissing me, in front of them. Holding me close. Grope me. All things that are fine with me, if they werent there. The children would be very upset. This would make him continue longer and yell at them he could kiss their mother, whats wrong with that? I had learned the only way was to make it shorter, resisting or discussing it simply made it longer. So I would do wat i could to make him happy and then slither away asap and give the girls my attention. He wasnt just giving me a kiss or a nice hug.
Also I wasnt allowed to go to bed when i was exhausted. He never helped me with the kids AT ALL. just demanded my time and attention. I was going to the gym before they woke up and he left for work. This meant i woke up at 5.15am 6 days a week. He COULD HAVE gone to work later than 6.30 as he worked for himself and only worked 4 hrs and then SAT AROUND the whole entire rest of the day. but he would not let me sleep later so i could stay up later and have time ALONE with him.
when i would fall asleep next to him at 9 or 9.30 on the couch he would WAKE ME UP, i shit u not. What an ASS! if i went to bed while he still wanted to watch STUPID tv shows, i would be punished.
i also have terrible insomnia and wud not sleep for more than the 1st 4 hrs. he KNEW i was exhausted. he didnt care. I finally had to quit going to the gym after 3 mos. i was making myself sick.
he also claims to this day *HE* had to initiate sex all the time. lmao, he NEVER would. well except on the weekends once he heard the kids wake up so i would have to say no. Then he could say i rejected him AGAIN. (he will deny this bitterly that he only initiated when it was impossible)
i was the one initiating or it didnt happen. then he could whine and piss and moan we never had sex and that would be a whopper of fight omg. HOW Did He Think It Made Me Feel To Never Want Me as he never started anything? it was all a control issue. plain and simple
was ur ex getting these vibes from u at all?
i have learned to listen btwn the lines to wat men claim about their exes. ur ex sounds like a child molester, dont get me wrong, shes a LOONEY. but men try to downplay stuff wen the whole truth gives the whole pic.
All women lie about their past relationships…well ive heard say that women divide by a third all their lovers. And men multiply by 3. So a guy that gloats he’s been with 30 women, has had 10 probably lol
Women probably do downplay their sex lives as its unladylike to enjoy sex. Men are praised for scoring and women are reviled for “letting them” score.
Gotta love this world.
Whoa, I had to do a doubletake when I saw there was another Stargazer here (Stargazer225). I’m reading the post, and I’m thinking….hey, I didn’t say that! LOL So there are two of us here!
Oh and regarding the fact about all women lying about past relationships…..I don’t go around advertising my past to anyone and everyone, but if someone close to me really wants to know, I tell them. Sometimes I might say, “Do you really want to know?” first. I’m a pretty honest person and I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done in the past, only because I learned from all of it. I’m actually planning to write a book at some point.
Jmmira, I don’t know what the age limitation is for a child breastfeeding, but I’m pretty sure 7 is way too old. My gut tells me what your wife was doing was some form of sexual abuse. Does not sound like a healthy boundary between mother and son. I’m sure there must be some literature on this.