Lovefraud has heard from many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths. They often comment on the “amazing sex.”
Many sociopaths are skilled lovers, and there are reasons for this.
First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have an excessive need for stimulation, excitement and sensation. They also have no fear and no inhibitions. From a sexual perspective, that means a voracious appetite and anything goes.
Secondly, sociopaths get a lot of practice. They usually start young—precocious sexuality is one of the early behavior problems typical of a sociopath. As they get older, sociopaths continue to engage in frequent, casual sex. Sociopaths have plenty of partners, and plenty of opportunities to learn.
Sex but no love
But just because there’s sex—even what appears to be wild, passionate sex—doesn’t mean there’s love. Sociopaths may be technically competent lovers, but there will never be any true intimacy or emotional sharing involved.
Many people who have contacted Lovefraud have been confused by this. Their encounters seemed so caring, so earth-moving, that it was difficult to believe there was no love.
Here are the facts: Sociopaths are not capable of love. Sociopaths are, however, convincing liars, and they know that if they say the words “I love you,” they’ll probably get more sex.
Furthermore, when a sociopath seduces his or her target, it’s a way of establishing control. Along with getting the physical desires of the moment met, the sociopath may also be getting money and a free place to live. All for whispering a few sweet nothings—and to the sociopath, they truly mean nothing.
Diagnosing the disorder
The most accurate tool for diagnosing whether someone is a sociopath (also called a psychopath) is the Psychopathy Check List-Revised (PCL-R), developed by Dr. Robert Hare. The tool, administered by a trained professional, rates the person on 20 items to determine an overall psychopathy score.
One of the items evaluated is “promiscuous sexual behavior.” This is defined as impersonal sexual relationships, frequent one-night stands, cheating, frequent casual sex, several sexual relationships at the same time, deception to convince others to engage in sexual activity, and possible charges for sexual assault. (Believe me, sociopaths are capable of all of it.)
Another item on the check list is “many short-term marital relationships.” This means the person has frequent unstable interpersonal relationships and/or multiple marriages.
Irresponsible and casual sex, therefore, is one of the hallmarks of sociopathic behavior. Some sociopaths are also capable of truly frightening sexual violence—but that’s a topic for another post.
Within two weeks of meeting Ed Hicks, he told me he loved me. He began signing all of his emails with “Love” Ed; he brought me roses; he sent me romantic e-cards. Furthermore, he told me he had only felt like this once before in his life—when he fell in love with the mother of his children. He told me over and over he was a “one woman man”!!!!
As I uncovered the truth about him, I learned there were seven confirmed marriages, another in Mexico we knew existed, but just could not find the marriage document and there were a plethora of girlfriends. He constantly cheated on all his wives and his girlfriends, and on his wives and girlfriends at the same time…without conscience, without remorse, and without protection.
If you find you are involved with a sociopath, get out of the relationship quickly and also get tested for STDs!
Another great and informative post, Donna.
Hi, everyone..
I’ve been abused emotioanlly and psychologically by my ex boyfriend who appears to be Narcissist.
He put a Restraining Order on me, causing emotional and financial stress.
In the last year, he has fraudulently posted provocative pictures of me on a public website more than 8 times. I have copies and proof that he committed this fraud.
I need to be helped to obtain harassment Restraining Order and also, I want to pursuit legal action for deformation of character along with psychological and emotional distress.
He has high profile, very good looking, and has amazing sex skill. And also, he is into transexual.. I was shocked when he told me about having sex with TS.. People around him, friends and co-workers, can’t even imagine what’s going on behind the scene.
On my website I constantly see this sociopathic or narcissistic trait with online predators over & over. These people will say I LOVE YOU to people they only know ONLINE or on the PHONE and they do a lot of ‘grooming’, love bombing and NLP on top of it so before the victim knows it they’re swept away by these types. Yes Narcissists do it too but sociopaths seem to be consistently ADDICTED to sex and literally HELP their victims confuse sex with love. I really think that because these types are UNABLE to feel emotions that sexual release is the closest they get to ‘feeling’ anything they can relate to as real.
Another fantastic Post Donna!!
During sex, people who are not sociopaths experience increased levels of hormones that cause bonding. HAVE SEX WITH A SOCIOPATH ENOUGH AND YOU WILL FEEL BONDED. The bonding that occurs with sex is a normal and very important part of human society. This bonding is also why leaving a socioppath after great sex is difficult.
Understanding why you feel compelled to stay is the first step toward leaving.
Yeah, I can relate to “feeling bonded.”
I think my most recent sociopath was a borderline case and might have been “trying to feel” like Fighter’s post mentioned.
Of course I will never know unless God literally comes out of the sky and tells me, and I think we all know that will never happen, since God has more important things to do.
All I know for sure is I need to stay away from him.
This is such a informative site. I like fighters comments. I wish these sociopaths could be branded on the forhead. If I knew I was anywhere near one I’d run the fastest. I never had fear in my life. I fear sociopaths…The Boogey man personified!!! I wish I could start my own new exterminating company an rid this world of these monsters. I wish there was more awareness. I wonder what are the odds of me having 2 sociopaths work me over again. The most unexpected learning experience ever!!! How do I share my story to someone who may give a damn…I have finally come full circle still can’t fully understand it all but I’m alive an its a miracle…
Those of us who come out ALIVE feel both truly blessed to have no physical scars and be physicallyl away from them but the emotional scars and the pull to be with them again lingers on for a long, long time. We cannot believe that this has happened to us…we LET it. The only way to stay away from these freaks of nature and loveless human beings is to keep reading this site and read and re-read Dr. Hare’s book. Hang in there people. Sue
nueij, you aren’t in San Francisco, are you? The guy I was involved with sounds exactly the same…it’s frightening.
Great sex! Sex addict! Massive collection of sex publications ranging from scientific to gut-wrenching. Plenty of practice (probably thousands of partners). No inhibitions. No comittment. Thrill seeking. Insatiable curiosity. Keeping score. Bi-sexual – or, more correctly, multi-sexual. Belonged to various sex clubs including “The Macintosh Club” in the UK, and “the Vampire Club” and “Eulenspiegel Society” in New York. No awareness of consequences. Tried everything. “Introduced” children to sex. Worked as a teenage male prostitute.
He told me about these experiences after I had known him for quite a while – and most were confirmed.
Some examples of what “my” psycho wanted:- (1) me (a career public servant) to walk down main street with a whip and wearing leather – and leading him by a slave collar and chain; (2) to have me and my sister have sex with him together – and be photographed; join “The Chameleon club” (transvestites); take part in the Sydney “Gay Mardi Gras”, take part in swingers parties.
kitty_cat ,
Hi, hon..
Email me back..
Lets talk..
xoxo