Lovefraud has heard from many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths. They often comment on the “amazing sex.”
Many sociopaths are skilled lovers, and there are reasons for this.
First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have an excessive need for stimulation, excitement and sensation. They also have no fear and no inhibitions. From a sexual perspective, that means a voracious appetite and anything goes.
Secondly, sociopaths get a lot of practice. They usually start young—precocious sexuality is one of the early behavior problems typical of a sociopath. As they get older, sociopaths continue to engage in frequent, casual sex. Sociopaths have plenty of partners, and plenty of opportunities to learn.
Sex but no love
But just because there’s sex—even what appears to be wild, passionate sex—doesn’t mean there’s love. Sociopaths may be technically competent lovers, but there will never be any true intimacy or emotional sharing involved.
Many people who have contacted Lovefraud have been confused by this. Their encounters seemed so caring, so earth-moving, that it was difficult to believe there was no love.
Here are the facts: Sociopaths are not capable of love. Sociopaths are, however, convincing liars, and they know that if they say the words “I love you,” they’ll probably get more sex.
Furthermore, when a sociopath seduces his or her target, it’s a way of establishing control. Along with getting the physical desires of the moment met, the sociopath may also be getting money and a free place to live. All for whispering a few sweet nothings—and to the sociopath, they truly mean nothing.
Diagnosing the disorder
The most accurate tool for diagnosing whether someone is a sociopath (also called a psychopath) is the Psychopathy Check List-Revised (PCL-R), developed by Dr. Robert Hare. The tool, administered by a trained professional, rates the person on 20 items to determine an overall psychopathy score.
One of the items evaluated is “promiscuous sexual behavior.” This is defined as impersonal sexual relationships, frequent one-night stands, cheating, frequent casual sex, several sexual relationships at the same time, deception to convince others to engage in sexual activity, and possible charges for sexual assault. (Believe me, sociopaths are capable of all of it.)
Another item on the check list is “many short-term marital relationships.” This means the person has frequent unstable interpersonal relationships and/or multiple marriages.
Irresponsible and casual sex, therefore, is one of the hallmarks of sociopathic behavior. Some sociopaths are also capable of truly frightening sexual violence—but that’s a topic for another post.
super chic
maybe I had it and it went away
YesIt'sMe
(((HUGS))), hens! Take it as a compliment. I personally like people who look “unique”, as opposed to those who look too close to “perfect’!
Oxy, I agree with you about the bullshit part of “just wanting to be loved”. My therapist’s take on all that self-examination just described his inability to bond. Of course, she said, he suspected his partners’ reasons for loving him, that the expression of “just wanting to be loved” shows that, no matter what or how long the relationship, he doesn’t FEEL THE BOND with the other person.
On one hand, I wish I’d never found the damn “short stories” because it brot it all back to the emotional forefront—just as I’ve been feeling more separated from it & more positive about myself & my life—but on the other hand, it does reinforce for me, as you said, how well I am to be rid of him!!
I’m missing something: what is a POS?
tobehappy
LL…you sound so much like me. I couldn’t prove that he dated other women…met them or had sex with them. I still don’t know. All I know is that he lied about putting his profile on a dating site…denied things…lied to people at work about things I KNOW he did.
But, I went back with him twice, because he was so convincing…or I blamed it on myself…maybe I was acting cold…(which I did at times) because I didn’t trust him . I was afraid to confront him with lies that I caught him in.
I went back with him to get answers, because like you..there was still a part of me that believed that he really did love me.
I obviously didn’t know the difference between someone NEEDING me and someone loving me.
He needed me in his life as a friend…someone to dump all of his problems on…daily…because he was always upset with people at work..drama …etc..
He needed me for sex since he claimed that he never mastubated, since his grandmother reprimanded him for that…(repressed sexual desires cause perversion later on)
But, bottom line..he wasn’t NORMAL and HEALTHY and I don’t want anyone in my life like that…I don’t want to even be around such people with “issues” like that…lying, cheating, controlling, abusive, narcissistic.
I made a vow to live the rest of my life PEACEFUL and happy and to avoid negativity …people who bring me DOWN.
Eleanor Rosevelft said…”no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”….
I will never consent to anyone ever degrading me again.
He IS that bad, LL. I went through what you are going through…and I just kept saying…
“2b, do you trust a liar?”
hens
had what shabby? sex?
lesson learned
**sigh**
I know Hens. I’m just getting it out of my system, I think.
If something else is going on, I don’t know what it is yet. But I WILL figure it out!
TY 🙂
hens
pos = piece of shit?
tobehappy
Another thing..is I kept thinking that …even though he is so “disordered”…he really loves me. He is like a little child..poor guy…such a bad childhood….he needs love”.
BUllsh&t! He said to me a few weeks ago..when we were just “friends”…
“Oh, just because I may have cheated, does that make me a “bad guy”???
OMG…pathetic.
After he said that, I said to myself…”2b, are you crazy? Do you think you deserve this?”
I looked in the mirror, said, “F%ck him…I deserve better” …got angry for a day…then felt SO proud of myself for deciding never to talk to him again.
super chic
hens, yeah, that and the virus went away 😀
lesson learned
Tobe.
Truthfully? No. And I do know he’s lied about so many things that DID come to light for me. I even CALLED him a sociopath on one of my emails and outlined his behaviors. P/N/S’s don’t like that much. LOL! I’ve done that before too, but it never bothered him enough to stay away from me, so in now is new gf in record time. Amazing.
I want to be able to get around MY community without it affecting me. Grocery shop in my favorite stores without worrying that he and new gf will be just around the corner. That frustrates me too. Ijust want him to go away. I just do. It’s horrible to feel so emotionally traumatized, but also unsafe that way in your own community too 🙁
super chic
eden, VERY interesting list!!!
I heard some of the same stuff!!
Did you ever catch him staring at you?