Lovefraud has heard from many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths. They often comment on the “amazing sex.”
Many sociopaths are skilled lovers, and there are reasons for this.
First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have an excessive need for stimulation, excitement and sensation. They also have no fear and no inhibitions. From a sexual perspective, that means a voracious appetite and anything goes.
Secondly, sociopaths get a lot of practice. They usually start young—precocious sexuality is one of the early behavior problems typical of a sociopath. As they get older, sociopaths continue to engage in frequent, casual sex. Sociopaths have plenty of partners, and plenty of opportunities to learn.
Sex but no love
But just because there’s sex—even what appears to be wild, passionate sex—doesn’t mean there’s love. Sociopaths may be technically competent lovers, but there will never be any true intimacy or emotional sharing involved.
Many people who have contacted Lovefraud have been confused by this. Their encounters seemed so caring, so earth-moving, that it was difficult to believe there was no love.
Here are the facts: Sociopaths are not capable of love. Sociopaths are, however, convincing liars, and they know that if they say the words “I love you,” they’ll probably get more sex.
Furthermore, when a sociopath seduces his or her target, it’s a way of establishing control. Along with getting the physical desires of the moment met, the sociopath may also be getting money and a free place to live. All for whispering a few sweet nothings—and to the sociopath, they truly mean nothing.
Diagnosing the disorder
The most accurate tool for diagnosing whether someone is a sociopath (also called a psychopath) is the Psychopathy Check List-Revised (PCL-R), developed by Dr. Robert Hare. The tool, administered by a trained professional, rates the person on 20 items to determine an overall psychopathy score.
One of the items evaluated is “promiscuous sexual behavior.” This is defined as impersonal sexual relationships, frequent one-night stands, cheating, frequent casual sex, several sexual relationships at the same time, deception to convince others to engage in sexual activity, and possible charges for sexual assault. (Believe me, sociopaths are capable of all of it.)
Another item on the check list is “many short-term marital relationships.” This means the person has frequent unstable interpersonal relationships and/or multiple marriages.
Irresponsible and casual sex, therefore, is one of the hallmarks of sociopathic behavior. Some sociopaths are also capable of truly frightening sexual violence—but that’s a topic for another post.
Ok
Clarification here. Hens, removing that mirror was symbolic for me. My son has it at HIS place now. I have nails hanging out of the walls that will be removed tomorrow. I have a beautiful shelf a friend gave me to hang in its place. A lot of loss, but replacing what feels like the remnants of him in my place….a little at a time.
It will be awhile before I know EXACTLY why he was pertinent to my survival and why I held onto the dream so long. Those answers are right there, but for right now, I’m exhausted and sleep is where I think I need to be.
To be. I love it when you admonish me LOL!! Yes, I’m worth more than that. If I wasn’t, I’ll tell you what, Chica, I’d be so NOT NC right now and begging his little ass back. That door is closed. I know what it would be for me, with even a tiny bit of progress, I’d be worse off than I am now. If that is even possible.
I lost a disordered man, so true, but with him goes a huge part of my past too. And a big fear of the future. RIght now, I have NO IDEA what to do………so I’m going to just be, until I have an answer.
Thanks my lovelies, you are BOTH awesome!
LL,
Hi woman! I haven’t been able to keep up witht he posts but it seems you are having a hard time. Hugsss!!!! Just listen to all the advice and support and try to heal. Hugsss
Soimnotthecrazee1!
my x said ‘i love you’ to me twenty times a day – what he was doing was brainwashing me with words i wanted to hear – what he really meant was “i got you right where i want you’ CONFUSED – but I never felt he meant it – it didnt sound like love it sounded like empty words – i can remeber feeling bewildered when he said it- those are powerful words – and he said them so effortless so cold – never making eye contact when he said it – like I would know they were lies if he had to look me in the eye and say them at the same time – it was fraud.
Msssssss. Petite!! I’ve been thinkin about ya alot today!!! I was gonna ask Ox about ya, but I remembered the conference and that you were probably busy so I decided to wait till you posted again.
Yes, I CONFRONTED him about his love bombing efforts…and it was the end. His discard came in the form of lies about his intentions with another woman and that was the last straw for me. He never bothered to make it right after that. He was busted red handed and I no longer wished to put up with him lying to me. He’s attempted a couple of contact attempts, but for me, if I see his attempts its just too upsetting and in retrospect, the reasons he did it was just for reaction until newest love bomb was on the hook. He’ll leave me alone now. I’m not a good deal anymore LOL……but I know this is best for me. There is a finality this time a no going back feeling now. Contact would be dangerous so I’m avoiding it at all costs.
Funny Petite! Usually it’s me on the other side of the fence advising YOU….how GREAT to switch sides??? Progress for you!! How are you doing about spathy? Are you feelin stronger? I’m praying for you about the conference, hoping you are staying strong and will be. So we can use prayer to uplift one another.
Talk soon Petite! (((((( HUGS )))))))
HI LL,
yes feeling much stronger.
reading and trying to make the dream fade away. accept reality, accept me, my strengths and try to establish boundaries where I do not compromise and give in – to that little puppy dog face.
I told OX – at present I have to focus on only 2 things- how to handle myself during the 2 weeks he is here and how to handle myself after that – where I will be where you are now – grieivng the dream, greiving the loss. how my heart may break when he leaves for the airport – I know he is evil, however, he did paint the dream for us, so I am worried about how I will handle it all, Just like where you have been these past few week, though I know, I will run here and you and the others will give me the much needed support.
petitie
Petitie!
Yep! I’m really going to up the prayer requests for you. When does he arrive? I’ll be sending GOOD thoughts your way for strength and making GOOD choices for yourself!
puppy dog face: Yep, seen it. Now on a cute little REAL puppy, it’s soooooooooooooo cute! Coming from POS, well, it’s this
Puppy dog face= manipulation= EVIL..
It’s that spathy slime stuff. Ewwww, seen it a million on my ex POS.
Petitie, ya know……….you’re teaching us all too through your experience. In a way, we all walk with you.
Love and hugs Chica! I think it’s safe to say we are ALL pulling for you to make the right choice for you. It’s painful, but necessary.
Take the mirror right out of his hand Petitie. 🙂
LL
LL,
yep, at the end, as he was planning to kill me off, he said, “Love should be unconditional.” His tone was…what’s the word for it?…hurt, but in a narcissistic way.
S1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHICA!!!! ((((((((((( S1!! )))))))))))))
How’s YOU?? LOL! Everytime you post, it’s like a big steam locomotive pulling into the station for us all to get on and go for the joy ride! Hope you’re doing okay.
I’m working on it!
LL,
he arrives here next Sun Jan 16th, that is Sat evening US time.
yes, I will take the mirror away from him and make sure when I look at it, I only see the behind of the mirrror.
prayers and strength for you too.
SC1
please reserve a seat for me on your train (smile)
petite
Sky, I totally get it. one thing I know for sure about POS, he NEVER had boundaries. If I didn’t want him around or was pissed about some other lie or emotionally abusive atrocity he would pull on me (usually raging and a freak out over NOTHING), he would be calling or texting the next day “So how’s your day going babe?” AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. This time he knew. I don’t know if he thought I’d pick up on his lying to me, but it was pretty obvious, this one more so than the last because I had “crossed the line” in contacting love bomb and got the truth. He couldn’t lie his way out of it. He was pissed. Then the “truth” came out through all the venom he really was the whole time that I could see with his intentions. The ENTIRE relationship he was doing this anyway……he just knew I couldn’t “prove” it….so he would get away with the lies because he knew I still wanted to believe. I couldn’t do it this time. The lies were so obvious…his mask completely off. There was no going back this time. I sent him a few nasty emails telling him how I felt just after I found out about love bomb. No response. Then he attempted contact on New Year’s Eve. I thought he was trying to feel me out to see if I would take bait, but it wasn’t even that. He had already hooked someone, he just wanted to see if he could get a reaction. To see if I was still hurt. Well, that time he won. I told him to leave me alone, please DO NOT contact me again and that he wounded me enough and I needed to heal in PEACE. That was it. It’s been rather quiet, but it’s given me time to try to get clear through all the fog……..it’s still pretty muddled, but I don’t want contact at all.
Yea, in a narcissistic way. Definitely.
Hens, what I noticed about my POS was that he would say Luv ya a lot. RARELY was it “I love you” even sometimes it would be love you. or luv ya babe. Mysteriously the “I” was missing out of that luv ya. Totally fake and non commital.
I know just what you mean……….