Lovefraud has heard from many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths. They often comment on the “amazing sex.”
Many sociopaths are skilled lovers, and there are reasons for this.
First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have an excessive need for stimulation, excitement and sensation. They also have no fear and no inhibitions. From a sexual perspective, that means a voracious appetite and anything goes.
Secondly, sociopaths get a lot of practice. They usually start young—precocious sexuality is one of the early behavior problems typical of a sociopath. As they get older, sociopaths continue to engage in frequent, casual sex. Sociopaths have plenty of partners, and plenty of opportunities to learn.
Sex but no love
But just because there’s sex—even what appears to be wild, passionate sex—doesn’t mean there’s love. Sociopaths may be technically competent lovers, but there will never be any true intimacy or emotional sharing involved.
Many people who have contacted Lovefraud have been confused by this. Their encounters seemed so caring, so earth-moving, that it was difficult to believe there was no love.
Here are the facts: Sociopaths are not capable of love. Sociopaths are, however, convincing liars, and they know that if they say the words “I love you,” they’ll probably get more sex.
Furthermore, when a sociopath seduces his or her target, it’s a way of establishing control. Along with getting the physical desires of the moment met, the sociopath may also be getting money and a free place to live. All for whispering a few sweet nothings—and to the sociopath, they truly mean nothing.
Diagnosing the disorder
The most accurate tool for diagnosing whether someone is a sociopath (also called a psychopath) is the Psychopathy Check List-Revised (PCL-R), developed by Dr. Robert Hare. The tool, administered by a trained professional, rates the person on 20 items to determine an overall psychopathy score.
One of the items evaluated is “promiscuous sexual behavior.” This is defined as impersonal sexual relationships, frequent one-night stands, cheating, frequent casual sex, several sexual relationships at the same time, deception to convince others to engage in sexual activity, and possible charges for sexual assault. (Believe me, sociopaths are capable of all of it.)
Another item on the check list is “many short-term marital relationships.” This means the person has frequent unstable interpersonal relationships and/or multiple marriages.
Irresponsible and casual sex, therefore, is one of the hallmarks of sociopathic behavior. Some sociopaths are also capable of truly frightening sexual violence—but that’s a topic for another post.
hens
well – I thot at one point she had changed her user name. and I thot she was you and all my post to ‘you’ have totally been out of context – yes you should go back about 2 years and read her post. Duh I do apologize for my mistake.
lesson learned
Hens
Oh, it’s okay!!! I didn’t know your posts were out of context??? I wouldn’t know how to dig those up.
Gosh,maybe I should change my user name to avoid confusion???
super chic
hens, you’re right, she changed her user name to “learned” because she couldn’t log on as LTL… I have a lot of her comments (and a lot of yours) in my journal…
hens
Thanx Shabby for the clarification, I thot my crs was kicking in overtime.. That is nice that you have some of my comments in your journal. I dont relate to the experience like I used to, I guess that is a good thing.
dancingnancies
SamJohnson that is so gross. I remember the S telling me that he went to a strip club with an acquaintence ( they don’t have real friends.) because they had “3 dollar steaks” and he said he didn’t tip the girls “he was just there for the steaks” and i don’t know if I had asked him whether or not he tipped the girls casually but he acted like i had insulted him and he’s like “I don’t need them… I can get girls”… what the hell? That should have been a red flag to me but it definitely is revealing as to how they “view” people… in this case women… “sex objects”. That is freaking disgusting. “I can get girls…”( as if they’re some commodity to have ? and you’re comparing “getting girls” to strippers? Notice the connotation/association strippers have. They’re just there for “eye candy” “sexual pleasure”… he just equated “getting girls” to strippers!)
That said I don’t doubt he oggled them and just enjoyed the show for free cause he’s a cheap piece of shit. I mean normally you don’t go to a strip club but if you do go, may as well tip the people who are working there, right? But no the arrogant P ass even said “I’m only here for the steak” UHHHH what a cheap ass! Then wear a fucking mask.
I don’t even know whether he did tip them or not or even charmed one enough to take her home to bed… but his behavior is alarmingly repulsive. “Eating a steak” and “Getting girls” are probably viewed as the same thing.
Ox Drover
Dancy, I bet he read “Hustler” for the articles too! LOL ROTFLMAO
coping
I am so happy I found this. Its amazing to me that I never thought about or rather made the correlation before. Especially when sex with my ex was such an important issue for me. It was what initially made me fall for him and what caused so much heartache through the years.This subject confuses me because I’m still processing it…
When we first met I was not looking to fall in love. However he was an incredible lover. It was more than just the sex (which at first was great)..it was how he made me feel. Within 1 month he had me hooked. It was his words, his actions, he “always” wanted to be with me, everything, there is no way to possible explain this but I remember lying in bed with him thinking I have found my soulmate. I am not one to think this way so it confused me. Certain things felt “off” “moving to fast” ect, but I was hooked. However slowly but surely things changed..
I know now, and even back when we were together that he was on dating web sites (which he said he closed however I always found proof) Excessive porn sites (beyound the “norm” for men and always trying to hide them. At first this would cause allot of fights, not so much the porn but the dating sites. He would lie to me in my face when I had the proof..he would almost believe his lies, its like telling me the ocean is black when I SEE its blue. He would throw what could only be descibed as a temper tantrums…and eventually I “got over” it. It got to the point where it wasnt worth the fights anymore because I knew I would only get lied to and couldnt take the fighting anymore..however I also believe there were other women as well. I somehow got broken down and blamed myself.?
This is the strange part that I am working through…when I got pregnant (which he wanted) sex between us stopped yet he somehow became nice to me again (on and off-temporarily). Even before I was showing it just stopped. As soon as I decided to keep my baby it stopped cold turkey. Suddenly that was gone. I mean anything sexual was off, bj’s ect…it didnt make sence.I would try and talk to him and he would never talk about and this even caused fights..eventually he just said it was mental since I had a baby…however i dont believe this. He actually quoted one of the lines from one of my pregnancy books. He said he lost his sex drive…however he was still on dating web sites and watching allot of porn. I did research and figured ok maybe he does have a hang up, maybe he is one of these guys who cant get turned on by pregnant women… I thought ok I guess I can understand…although I thought it was totally screwed up…
Why the dating sites, why so much porn why ALL the lies? And why most importantly did I put up with it…talk about denial!!
The night I gave birth (I had tried to cut him out before so our communication was on and off the last 2 months of my pregnancy) he actually responded to a dating site trying to hook up. He showed up at the hospital at 2 AM and said he was at the movies. I was able to hold this in thinking “OK it was my fault” ?? until 4 weeks after bith when I unleashed. He freaked out…threw a temper tantrum beyond belief..said I was crazy…stopped talking to me for 2 days to “punish me”….He tould me he didntt love me anymore, didnt want me anymore…didnt want to ever see me again… I DID NOTHING WRONG HE DID!! Of coarse he came back expecting me to be over it and life was good and dandy… This made no sence……
I’m still struggling… I want to make sence of this, of him, of things, what was wrong with me? Where was my self respect…I guess I had already been broken down… I dont know…..
Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?
Sidenote: Is it common for P’s to be into S&M? Thats a different subject I guess (but another confusing issue for me)
lesson learned
COping
BREATHE!! 🙂
I’d love to address this with you, but have some doc appointments to attend to today. You’re in my thoughts though. I relate to your confusion and pain.
LL
Sunnygal
I was involved with a psychopath. The sex was great. He had money, was not after money. He was just after sex but I now know he is incapable of love so there was no love on his part so there really was no relationship.
dim15
I am on day 2 after figuring out that this man wasn’t right. Weird thing? This was the guy I lost my virginity to 30 years ago. Hadn’t seen him in 30 years!I ran into him at a wake and he sent me 3 dozen roses 3 days later.
Anyway, the sex was so so intimate. Like nothing I have ever ever experienced. I felt like I had been made love to like never before. I feel emotionally raped. Definitely a sociopath. UGH