Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
little tonys mom
ive been readind about the children n can see some problems im identifying with
Ox Drover
There is so much to read and learn. I’m 63 and look back at the kind of parent I was when my kids were little (not really all that bad, considering how I grew up) and I loved to read to them, gave them lots of time (I was a stay at home mom) and I think that’s good for any child. I think now that I know more I would parent somewhat differently than I did back then. We learn as we do and as we educate ourselves.
Each kid is different of course, no two the same, but learning and being consistent with them, showing boundaries and teaching them right from wrong and to CARE for each other in a caring way is important.
At the same time, I know some people who were terribly abused and yet became wonderful adults, and I know others that had good parents, who are psychopaths. I don’t blame myself for my son being a Psychopathic killer, I do think it was a combination of both genetics and environment, but I was the best mother I knew how to be at the time, but I wasn’t perfect either. We just do the best we can do. Love them and leave the rest to God.
In the end, though, the child has a CHOICE in how he or she behaves and they must be responsible for the choices they make, just like we are.
3yearsaway
I’m new to this site, and I realize this is an older thread, but I am fascinated. My ex was either a borderline PD or just a straight SP, and before we got together, he attempted suicide. This all absolutely makes sense to me.
He dealt with the mess he made by attempting to “remove” himself from it. And when the suicide failed, his family and friends rallied around him, because he was so “fragile”. It lessened the impact of his found affair.
hens
just goes to show ya they never finish anything they attempt…!!
Ox Drover
Dear 3yearsaway,
Glad to meet’ya, and glad you’re here! This is a wonderful site to not only help us learn about THEM but about ourselves as well.
KNOWLEDGE=POWER so stick around we’ll all continue to learn and grow together! Again, Welcome and God bless!
Victorian12
What a great article. This is true. In my personal experience with the sociopath, I heard him claim that the only thing for him left was to literally ‘throw himself in the water (meaning drowning himself)’. When all his wishes were dashed and he had to separate from me and go back to his country without any money, he did not really become depressed as any normal human being would, instead he complained and protested about his luck and he would claim nonchalangly how it would be better for him to meet his death. I’m not sure if he was playacting because he did not commit suicide and just went with the flow and returned to his country, there was no other way out for him because he had no money and I was not prepared to pay for everything while being also his source of sexual gratifications. God no! it was enough exploitation as it was, having been with him one month and a half paying for all his expenses, meals, providing him a place to live and driving him around for his sightseeing tour and three-day holiday in a hotel. So yes, if he didn’t commit suicide is because he did not see the end of his gratifications, he only saw the end of his gratifications with me. I suppose that for sociopaths to commit suicide there has to be an end to their game, not just one match, with me he lost just one match.
Ox Drover
Victor, they also use the pity ploy of “All I have left is to throw myself off a bridge” poooooooor baby!
behind_blue_eyes
My x-spath if committing suicide by life-style.
Both his parents died of cancer before they were 50, yet he smokes and drinks. And is HIV+.
Louise
BBE:
Yours is probably trying to kill himself…
behind_blue_eyes
Given that he is so, so vain and “boy” oriented, he is not capable of a happy life past 40, since his entire self-image is based on him appearing young, which he no longer does.