Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
My ex spath has many moles. Small willy, but he lies about that online.
I was asking because it sounds like we got the same moron. And he called his wee little pecker “Mr. Willy”. More like “Mr. Won’t He”.
Sky, what you said about pity was 100% true in my case. I pitied this slob imensley (how the hell do you spell that). I’m on my second glass of wine so please excuse my rants.
Anyway, yes, pity is what reeled me in initially. God knows it wasn’t that he wore green pants with a grey sweater that looked like it came from Charlie Brown’s closet. God knows it wasn’t that he walked on his tip toes and everyone at work called him Sir Bounce A Lot. God knows it wasn’t his many criminal convictions or the fact that he’s always lived with his parents or that he was a hoarder.
I plain felt sorry for this clown and thought I could help. Ha, joke was on me.
Don’t know where it points or if it has moles, I wasn’t allowed to play with it.
🙂
But it does point.
ahem.
very small.
The pity ploy is a crucial part of their strategy because they have to make sure that their prey is a “good person”. Why would the devil bother with someone who is already on the road to hell?
They love to watch us bend over backwards rescuing them.
*sigh*
BBE, mine has many many moles too. hmmm… should we take a poll?
large head, small *ahem*, many moles.
check, check, check.
Oh, and don’t let me forget to tell you about the online. B.S. When I was with the knucklehead (this is what my dad and brothers called him) I looked him up online and found quite a lot of trailer trash sites he was advertising his ‘good’s’ on and he described himself as successful (yeah, successfully unemployed and receiving food stamps and in drug rehab) and 6 foot tall (sure, with 5 inch heels!).
Blechhh. I can just imagine the used up skank gutter trash he hooked up with on these “discreet” websites. The garbage he screwed was so many in number, yet he always kept me on the back burner. I was his safety net.
Big-ass head, small ding dong, numerous moles. Mmmm…what’s not to love? Can I add dragon breath and horrendous gas or is this TMI?
woundlicker:
Ya know what? One day I’m going to get a mani and come home, crank up Guns N Roses, eat a BOX of peanutbutter cookies and watch The Jerk all at the same time. F’ him.
Hahaha, you are hilarious!!!! That cracked me up!
Hmmmm, sounds like mine, too…no kidding!! His head was kind of big…not gigantic though. But his penis was on the small side (skinny) and he did have moles! Double hmmmmmm. He didn’t have bad breath though…quite the opposite really. Nothing about him smelled; he was quite delicious in that sense.
Louise, I laughed out loud about the ex spath tonight for the first time ever!
Thinking about all the ridiculous things this trivial subhuman excuse for a man had wrong with him made me realize it is OK to find the sorted semi-demented humor in the whole experience.
I would force him to chew gum and suck breath mints without hurting his ego. “Ooooh, try this gum, it’s a new flavor. I think you’ll like it.”.
You know what, I think I got the Walmart of all sociopaths. He truly had nothing going for him. Some sweet talk at first and big muscles and that was seriously the end of it. Everything else was so substandard.
We’re building a profile here.
I’m staying away from small -ahem and moles!
😆
I recently saw a picture of a spath woman (that someone else knew) and she had a really square jaw.