Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
She was sucking on a rib bone. Honestly, I don’t even know what that means. It just sounded funny.
And it’s always good to stay away from small ahems.
woundlicker:
The Walmart of spaths…haha…you are killing me!!!!!
Well, I have to say unfortunately that mine was not the Walmart of sociopaths in the looks or intelligence department. Sigh…it’s some of the reasons it’s so hard to forget about him.
skylar:
Interesting…spath’s wife has a really, big square jaw…she could be one, too…who knows!
Birds of a feather flock together, as they say.
woundlicker;
I it quite ok for us to use humor and make fun of our x-spaths, as it helps underscore that these are not people to show empathy for.
Here is how pathetic mine has become. In one profile, he is now suddenly younger, taller and lives in one of the world’s most fashionable neighborhoods, Kensington, London. Sprouted a bigger willy too.
What doe he say when he meets people?
The only classic trait my x-spath did not show is sexual magnetism. He simply had no mojo. He attractive, but was not the type of guy to turn heads when he walked into a room. You would think “nice guy” or in his younger days “boy next door.”
That is also, the most effective part of his mask.
BBE:
Haha! Wow, yours sounds really desperate to be changing his profile…you are right…what DOES he say when he meets people? 🙂
Same with mine. I normally wouldn’t have given him another look…he’s hard to describe. He is cute or good looking or whatever, but not in a standout way. It’s not until one talks with him and you see his charm that the hook comes into play.
Louise;
“He is cute or good looking or whatever, but not in a standout way. It’s not until one talks with him and you see his charm that the hook comes into play.”
Exactly.
Regarding the profile lies, given that he is a flight attendant and the site containing all the lies is mostly an international one, I guess he uses it to groom people in other cities…
On other sites, the details were mostly accurate, but the pictures were from younger days.
Woundlicker, Skylar, Louise, BBE,
Just reading that thread of last night! Oh, I almost pp my pants laughing. Thanks for that, it is good to have a laugh over them once in a while.
I hope mine looks like Ernest Borgnine by the time SHE is fifty one.
“I hope mine looks like Ernest Borgnine by the time SHE is fifty one.”
PMSL.
Yes mine would be mortified knowing we are laughing about his small willy.