Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Anything with Denzel Washington is good….I love that man’s acting. I haven’t seen that movie, but I will get it!
I saw that movie years ago with the spath. It was a great movie, though dark. I can only imagine that the spath could relate to the evil entity. He loves making people do evil.
The Fallen is a great movie…The whole movie through you think it’s the PI telling his story… but unfortunately it’s…. 😉
This week I saw another great movie on spaths… a very OLD one: desire under the elm, with a very young Anthony Hopkins and Sophia Loren. They both have some traits: entitlement feelings from their environment, but the true spath is the father, who’d rather be able to take his ‘stolen’ farm into his grave instead of passing it on to the only son who actually has an interest in farming; who’d rather marry a 20-something wife while he’s 76 and have another son, rather than have his son marry and welcome a grandson.
Louise;
I was so sold on my xspaths mask I missed all the red flags to his a acting out, especially given his job as a flight attendent. This was noted by my counselor immediately.
Do sociopaths feel empty? Yes, and there is a certain sadness to my xspath. But sexual acting out is their relief, where in normal persons no. Spaths, like my xspath, may say they want something more, I feel because its something they cannot have.
BBE:
Yeah, once they get something, they don’t want it…just like a kid with a toy.
I’ve used the toy comparison to explain it to other victims who were asking what was wrong with their partners, especially when they kept returning with promises of change but never changed, only for the bit of time needed to real the victim back in.
He or she’s like a toddler with a toy. You were a bright, new, shiny toy and he wanted it for his own. He bumped the floor with it, trashed it, and after the war and tear it doesn’t look as shiny anymore, and it gets flung away on the floor to be left there, while the kid grabs for other new, bright, shiny toys to treat the same way. But the discarded toy is supposed to be lying around, discarded. It’s got no right to walk off, get a restoration, or certainly not be picked up by another kid. When it’s picked up by someone else, or starts showing life of its own, then surely the kid wants it back. And when all shiny, bright toys are bumped and faded in colour, and there’s no new toy, the discarded toy has as much chance as the other abused toys to be picked up again and tested whether more life cna be squeezed out of it.
darwinsmom:
Perfect analogy with the toys!! I love that…so true!! And sad 🙁
Yep, a toy. It gets discarded when a better one comes around. In my case, he didn’t get a better one AFAIK, he just got mad at me because I wasn’t “responding correctly”.
Also, he wanted to know when I “stopped respecting” him. Toys should be respectful and respond correctly, otherwise, what good are they?
callmeathena;
Both Louise and I had brief relationships as well. Do not feel bad because “you can’t get over” the brief relationship.
Spath’s will read victims and mirror them, quickly appearing to be a “soulmate.” As such, they are difficult to replace as the whole thing was an illusion. Plus, we were not with them long enough to see their complete dark side.
If not for the Internet and finding his online trail, I still would be thinking he is a “shy, reserved and sorted” (his words) lad from Liverpool. And that I had done things, particularly my honest about a very real HIV scare, cause him to run because my life was in a mess…
Nothing could be further than the truth.
BBE,
I have to give them credit for keeping a straight face. If I was to tell such preposterous lies, I wouldn’t be able to keep from laughing out loud. The evil is so deep in them, there’s no other explanation.