Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Dear ErinB,
WOW!!! You must live in the high elevations! Or be delusional, one or the other! LOL How about we spend summers at your place and winters at mine! Perfect arrangement!
Back when I lived in El Centro, CA I could go from 80 degree weather in the desert, to snow and ice in the mountains, to the cool 60s in San Diego! No climate was more than 2 hours away summer or winter! SUMMERS were worse than hell though!
Yea, he is such a NICE GUY and DESERVES to “live” while his victims were worthless ho’s…actually, I want to see him get life w/o parole and be in GEN POP cause there will be a bunch of BIGGER BADDER BAD ARSES who can show him what RAPE is all about! If he gets the death penalty he will get a private room. I think he ought to share a cell with BUBBA!
You know, Erin, Karma be a biatch!
@....... EB, I guess I missed the live feed,
I’ll have to watch it later to see his face when they said GUILTY!
Hmmm… I’ve been NC for six months and I laugh thinking it would ALMOST be worth breaking it to send this little push to the 50yo SOB!
*smiling*
ravenlesstower
@Ravenless Tower, you’re giving me ideas!! 🙂
Steve:
An interesting article.
In the case of my S-ex, I always felt he was a slow-motion suicide. There was a history of hypertension in his family — both mother and father — had her first stroke in her early-50s and was rendered brain dead by a second stroke about a dozen years later.
I used to think S was just running the pity play on me when he would say “I’m going to end up just like my mother.” While I’m smart enough to realize that was part of it, I also think that suiciding by stroke was where he was working towards. I have friends who came from a similar genetic pool and they watch their weight and blood pressure like a hawk. Not S-ex. While he looked fit and trim when I met him (3 weeks after he got out of prison), by the time I sent him packing 15 months later he had packed on almost 80 pounds. I truly think that on some level he looked in the mornng and thought “I’m 40, fat and flacid. Why the hell am I even trying anymore?”
I agree with you that on some level they start to realize they are aging out of the S-system. And they definitely want to give a finger to the world on their way out. Thing they don’t realize is that by the end, nobod gives a damn whether they live or die. Hell, in the case of my S-ex I’d spring for the funeral if it meant he were no longer on the face of this earth.
Newlife08 — good to see you posting. How did things work out on your daughter’s sweet-16?
EB, I just watched the video of JB being found guilty. Too bad we couldn’t see his sociopathic face! Keep us posted on the sentencing.
Matt, good to see you! Sorry I can’t pull up any other of the threads than this one! DUH! How’s DC and the new job? Miss you when you aren’t around! Good point on “slow suicide” as well. Seems lots of folks do that! Being in health care a long time I have seen it a LOT!
RAVEN: congratulations on your 6 months NC! TOWANDA for you!!!!!
Good night, EB and everyone else! Glad that one more P bit the dust and will be doing some HARD TIME for his crimes.
Hello All, There was a recent case here in my neck of the woods that involved a man who had recently been “rejected” by his girlfreind. He ended up driving his car headlong into oncoming traffic, killing two innocent people, then stole his ex’s truck and again drove into traffic, killing himself and his young son.
The press is all about how he was “depressed”, despondent, etc. While reading about it I am going NO NO NO..he was a spath, couldn’t take the rejection, and figured out how to punish his ex- big time. His gig was up and he decided to make a big splash on the way out.
Not that I see a spath under every rock these days but….
I agree that EVERY spath has the potential for violence. What curbs their appetite for it is only measured by how it will fit into their “game plan”. They are capable of any heinous act that they believe will benefit them or give them pleasure.
Off topic update, especially to Erin B, who gave me such good moral support lately, I have finally settled with the spath on our divorce. I won a moral victory, and a financial one, ( convoluted and maybe not worth much). Bottom line, I spent a lot of money I couldn’t afford to force him to commit, kicking and screaming, to the notion that he has some repsonsibility to me after 27 yrs. of being the bread winner. Among other things, I got a “universal direction” allowing me access to any bank anywhere in the world, regarding his affairs, and full ownership of any $$ I find. I will be shopping it around to private investigators on a contingency basis, $0.40 on the dollar.
Obviously he is quite smug in his conviction that I will not find. But that doe not change the fact that he is lying and hiding assets. So it is over, but not over.
Now, after 2 1/2 yrs. of ongoing litigation, and his stonewalling me, I am getting messages via my kids that he “would like to help”, but he is broke. PITY PLAY BULLCRAP. What they do is tweak the narrative of their carefully structured narrative. Trying to have his cake and eat it too-posing as nice guy to my kids.
And back to the suicide topic, I remember once telling him about the development of a mind reading device- a computer that can read your brain activity and deduce from that what you are thinking. His only answer? “If that is true, you might as well just kill yourself” Bingo- what more did I need to hear? I totally understand now, what an unbearable thing that would be to a spath…to have someone “read” their filthy – distgusting- evil minds.
As for the comments on how dangerous they are, yes indeedy, NEVER assume they will not act out, especially when cornered. And they will gladly take people down with them.
Steve, your articles are always succinct and thought provoking.
Many thanks.
Suicide isn’t their final act, it’s one of their first acts a con artist will use as a ploy while sizing you up, who he or she is dealing with (the new mark)! This sick depraved act is their way of gaging your reactions to a life (theirs) being taken on your watch. Do you act with sincerity and concern? Or do you not care? If you buy into their SOS call that they are ending their life … they will eventually take your life (meaning everything you are worth. If their SOS called is not taken seriously, or the person hangs up or walks away … the con artist knows immediately, the person they are dealing with isn’t going to be putty in their hands. They can’t figure out if the latter is uncaring or sees right through them, or was already taken earlier by another con artist.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MATT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How the heck are you ?? Nice to see you back too. I read often as I can -never miss Steve’s writings – but haven’t seen you. So glad to know you still check in. Oxy wrote you are in DC ?? – how is the job – updates please !!!!!
The Sweet 16 is June 11 – I definitely didn’t know what I was in for when I started it – but it is going to hopefully be AMAZING for my daughter and friends. We are busy making centerpieces and chocolates and fighting about details – such a bonding experience – LOL !!!
The only drawback is that although she doesn’t even speak to her father, she wants him there. I seem to think she wants it a “Perfect Evening ” – daddy / daughter dance and all. And I cannot deny her those moments – even though they have nothing to do with the reality of our lives. So I will have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it – and of course be as stunning and gracious as possible – I’ll be a WRECK and the nite won’t be perfect for me – but it’s her night !!!
And no – he is not contributing a dime – but I will bet you he acts the HOST all night !!!!
I suspect he will be uncomfortable because it is mainly kids , a few of my close friends that have helped us these last few years and a few mothers of D’s close friends- my mom and sister. D doesn’t want his family since they pretty much abandoned us 2 years ago – so he is on his own. And I am sure my friends aren’t going to warm up to him – heck – I have no idea where to sit him !!!!!
He would sit right next to me I am sure but that is not my plan – any suggestions anyone ????
Divorce is still in limbo – he is stonewalling – hiding BBQ cash I am sure – still waiting on the forensics report.
God willing – we will be done by end of summer.
Back to you – tell us how you are ……