Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Newlife:
Sit him with mothers you are friends with….have them flirt with him and do recon work for you.
it’s called multitasking!
The info he ‘gives up’ will be his admission to party price…..
Could be premium tix sales that night!!!
Im glad your having this for D. She deserves to feel special on her 16th!
Enjoy yourself and don’t let the spath get to you……enjoy the time/day with D!!!
Newlife08:
Glad things are progressing well on the Sweet 16. Hmmm. Where to sit our the S-ex? May I suggest Philadelphia? Actually, I rather like Ms EB’s suggestion — figure out which of your friends are best a pumping information out of someone — you know the ones — the ones who get you talking and afterwards you say “how the hell did she get me talking about that?!” and set ’em loose on S-ex.
DC is going well. I really like the new position. It is enjoyable and satisfying to actually do work that I think makes a difference — getting to wear the white hat, as it were. My NYC place sold in less than 3 weeks on the market. But, I don’t expect the closing to take place until September. Just as well — I’d like to enjoy it for the summer — although when I wrote the checks yesterday for new DC apartment, NYC mortage and maintenance I almost fainted.
Things are going well on the relationship front — we have been together a year now. He is busy job hunting down here in DC. I got truly lucky when I met him after the demolitin derby S-ex played with my life.
All in all I’ve got a lot of balls in the air at the moment, but it is all good stuff. I hope things finalize for you by the end of the summer. It is the uncertainty that eats away at you. I’ve discovered that once you have the hard cold facts in front of you, no matter how bad they may be, that at least you know what you are dealing with and can begin to make plans to move forward.
Looking forward to this weekend. Off to the beach for a long weekend. Counting on it not raining. Speaking of beaches, are you off to the Jersey shore? Hope you don’t have Snooki and The Situation for neighbors!
ERIN !!!
You are too devious !!! Knowing his ego – he would think their being receptive to him would mean they understand and accept all he did to me .
I can hear it now – ” See !!! Even your friends know how crazy you are . They were all very nice to me and obviously see who the problem is.!!!
Yes- I am glad I am doing the party too . She deserves it after all we have been through as a family , her father’s intolerance of her emotional boundaries and hurt, and of course her back surgery. I fully expect him to make a case of the money I am spending but I don’t care – it’s not costing him anything. I need to do this for her – and down the line – something for my son , too.
MATT –
You have me laughing . Snookie would not be seen dead where we go . I am trying to talk my D into the beach weekend – but she has a band /parade commitment Sunday and lots of homework. Still – I may pull rank – what better place to do work than in the sun and near the water .
Glad to hear all is busy but good – you deserve it all !!!!
Steve,
Suicide is a complex act. The end result, the finality, of the act of suicide leaves those left behind in a WORLD of pain. Not always just immediate family members. Co workers, neighbors, community often are drawn into the wake suicide leaves as well.
When there is a homicide commited within a community, the community “rallys” together. They tend to embrace each other. There is a “place” for everyone to direct their anger, their outrage. The focus can eventually be on grieving the victim and directing anger at the person responsible for the murder. Both the victim and the perpertrator roles are clearly defined.
Suicide, turns this whole therory upside down and inside out. People don’t rally together. Rather community is torn and divided. There is stigma and ignorance, and lots of judgementmental opinions flying around…No one is embracing anyone. Not really. Everyone is pretty much left with dealing with this on their own.
Nothing is clearly defined with a suicide. The victim can also be considered the perpertrator by many. There is no one to point fingers at, and lash out at. Or bring to trial, or to punish. There will never be any JUSTICE for a suicide of your loved one.
Grieving the suicide of a loved one is almost as complex as the act of suicide itself.
Now to add more complexity to an already complex act.
What is suicide when the person who commits suicide is a sociopath or an N?
Well one thing comes to mind, as a survivor of suicide. The INTENT behind it. The intent would be different.
A person who takes their own life generally speaking, exits their life, because at least momentarily they can’t see beyond their pain. They REALLY can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately they exit in the manner of a permanent solution to a temporary problem. They are trying to END their OWN pain, not intentionally create a world of pain for those they leave behind. Even thought the end result IS a world of pain for those left behind…I personally don’t think that is the intent….
However for a sociopath, there is no doubt in my mind, that the intent is twisted and what better way to torture those you leave. A master plan. The final curtain. It gives me goosebumps. It’s so distorted.
Oh….but Newlife…..it’s NOT about what HE thinks….sometimes leading him astray is WELL worth the info you gain.
Think of the internal smiles you may gain from ‘knowing’ the truth (about yourself) and being able to uncover something by him blabbing to your friends!!!
Feed his ego….and let him puke the info you need up!
It’ll be way easy to withstand his gaggles when you know you can NAIL him with what he puked up!!!
Better idea……I’m free on the 11th…..let’s ask Matt, maybe he can join us too……I’d be happy to ‘make a new friend’ in your STBX…..
Matt and I can tag team him…….we’d have him buried by the end of the night!!!
Whatdayathink?
It’s all fun and games until Snooki gets punched in the face.
She’s OK, though….
And J-WOW lost 2 of her nails….just a really ugly incident..
Don’t fall in Love at the Jersey Shore! 🙂
AYE!
ERIN
I will fill out a place card for you and Matt – what a formidable team !!!! New Jersey is only a few hours away for Matt – but for you ???? Cocktail hour should be hilarious !!!! Dinner is buffet and he likes to eat – so there will be plenty of conversation time . Drinks are on me !!!
Hey…..i’d fly there in a heartbeat!
It would be classic…….