Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
I have to say that this article blind sided me. NEVER in a million years would I have thought these people would even consider suicide.
Is it wrong that it made me happy and hopeful?
🙂
Dear Harold,
It probably is NORMAL for you to feel that way if you’ve had problems with a psychopath. I wouldn’t want to feel that way the rest of my life, but yes, I have wished my P-son would be murdered in prison, or he was dead instead of the girl he killed. I have felt anger, rage, etc. that was above what I thought any human could feel. I’m no longer ashamed of having felt that way, but at the same time, I am glad it is dampened down to a more realistic level of angst!
You know, the only way I agree these people could be suicidal is when they are on death row, no stay and about to be executed. Otherwise, it’s my opinion they always feel there’s a way out! Someone/something to be used and abused. NO WAY in a million years would either of PX’s do themselves in. These people drive YOU to suicide not themselves!
I think it’s natural to feel somewhat elated to think they could consider suicide, as we don’t get any closure with these people, so that could be our only closure. But, moving on past this is healthier…..realizing we don’t need the closure..that’s placing the power in their hands again. Some things do not get closed…we have to just close them and stuff them into abyss of yesterday gone. And…wipe our hands off. Done with that!!!! I am there now and let me tell you, feels SO good!!!
Happy Memorial weekend to you all!
Hugs and love,
Twice
Twice Betrayed
Thanks for that, I agree with you, I am so cynical at the thought of a P committing suicide, I think they are totally dedicated to staying alive and driving others (who have the feelings they want but can never have) into a craziness so that they end up so confused, hurt and bewildered suicide is a real option (even an accident in the confusion so easily could happen) yep. I cannot ever see the P end his life when even in solitary confinement, he could manipulate a spider on the wall of his cell….
About 6 years ago, my ex walked in one day, and completely out of the blue STARTED a conversation with ” I know you wish I was dead”. I remember nothing prompting this –no arguing etc , and was just totally baffled.
NOW I realize, that was projection and what HE wanted. Looking back , I am sure the “near accidents” I had were not accidents.
I watch my back now and have police reports about the domestic violence. It is what he would do to our children to get to me that is frightening. He is a sick man with sick friends who are all capable of ANYTHING.
When he was “caught”, he did threaten suicide and was transported by ambulance for treatment. I think the gun was meant for me (as do most of the people who know of this).
He had called and begged me to come over, I sent his buddies who found him with a rifle in his mouth. He had to pretend “suicide” to cover for the loaded gun. At least that is what I believe. He would NEVER kill himself…
bullet: LOL- ….”manipulate a spider on the wall of his cell.” Oh, that’s so funny! I got a really good visual from that. Sort of a dark, sinister Charlotte’s Web. 😛 I try to laugh at these things in a small way, because I can now. I do not mean to minimize their actions in any way. It’s just some comments are so true they are ironically funny!
flower: both of my x’s pulled suicide ‘watches’ for their families benefit and to make a big dramatic show. They are both still alive and perking right along in their predatory ways and [both] well over forty. Nope, these actors only plunge the REAL knife in the other fellow.
Dear Flower,
WATCH YOUR BACK! I think you are so right on in your intuition. I didn’t listen to my get and that was a mistake, I almost didn’t “get it” in time to escape. Now I LISTEN, I’ve decided I’m a smart cookie and worth listening to when I get a “message” from my gut! Even if I am wrong, better “safe than sorry.”
You’re a smart cookie too. Never let any one “poo poo” your concerns for safety.
Oxy, thanks I do watch my back. He and his buddies are freaks. Always cooking up trouble. I can smell it.
He is oozing charm and desparate to be seen as the nice guy right now…in PUBLIC only ….Still a jerk in emails.I wont speak or go near him.
To counter this, he claims I am “bitter”. I would have good reason since he took all marital assets and is a known adulterer. But the scorned wife routine doesnt fly since most people think he is a jerk.I dont care if anyone thinks I am bitter; I will not play his games.
I have always thought his public smoozing at me was to divert attention from him if I am found by the roadside. I will not play along with this and he cant stand it.
Also he is having a tough time regaining the image that our marriage provided. We live in small conservative town and many people know adultery prompted the divorce. Our town is extremely family oriented, no swinging social cliques or partiers….family activities and children are priority.
The importance of being “friendly” even during the divorce always made me very suspicious of his motives. He is arrogant and verbose, bragging constantly about his money and popularity. So, he doesnt need to appear nice to me for that.
I KNOW this is a cover so he would not be suspected as being a threat. His suicide attempt in our small town was seen as an attempt to harm me…
Thank God I wasnt there. He IS a threat and will be treated like one to his face and when I am alone..I will stay safe.
When spath and I separated the first time before I got sick and mommy dearest let him know against my wishes…..i sent him an email telling him I wished he would get eaten by a shark.
(among other niceties).
He grasped onto that one statement and threw it back at me over and over and over……saying, you want me dead…..each time I would say…..no…..I want you eaten by a shark……the end result is NOT up to me!
YES……I wouldn’t shed a tear….I would know my kids wouldn’t ever be harmed by him again….me aswell.
When we separated again…months later….before going NC……he said to me on the phone one day….he was on the roof shoveling snow and he sat on the edge of roof contemplating jumping……
What a stupid statement you idiot…..the roof was only 2 stories, and the snow was deep……WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING…..
He said….he wanted to ‘do himself in’….’end it all’……I suggested he find a taller building.
What a pity party……and I did NOT want to be invited to that.
I thought, are you friggen kidding me…….YOU want to die…….I’m the friggen one with major health problems and YOU being your dick self, raising the kids and trying to survive it all…….and YOU make this stupid statement you want to jump off roof into the friggen snow????? Better make sure the neighbors don’t see ya acting stupid!
Yeah…..okay.
Attention, attention, attention…..
I wanted to comment to Flower about the small conservative town…….
I live in one too…..and girl…..I was SHOCKED at what goes on here……and WHO’s going on amongst it……..
The family may be the daytime activities…..but girl…..I learned NEVER to discount anything or anyones activities…..
I found people I would NEVER suspect doing things I never knew existed outside of movies…..
Check out swingers sites on the web…..you’ll find your town…..check out swingers ‘dating’ websites…..you’ll find your librarian on it (or someone similar), Check out craigslist men searching for men……you’ll see your neighbors husband on there……pictures and all…..as if no one is looking……
I had gf’s who suggested I do these searches…..and it just blew me out of the water!!!!!!!
At this point……with ALL I have seen, lived and heard of……there is just NOTHING I woulnd’t believe anymore.
Erin, next time he contacts you remind him he is the walking dead. Never alive, constantly searching on the outside of himself for what will make him feel something/anything. It’s always that pathetic plead, help me, help me, help me. They’re like the Dorothy’s of the world … never comprehending “there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, click those heels 2 times … to figure out … look inside your self dummies … home IS YOU!