Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
EB,
EVIL IS PERVASIVE IN OUR WORLD.I am no longer the same naive person after this. I will raise my children to be very careful, discerning and to understand this. And just because you go to church, live in a sweet small community doesnt mean it isnt ALL around you. I think you have to be even more vigilant…to see the masqueraders.
I havent checked out web sites but I agree with you. I wouldnt be surprised at the small town ” secrets” and have heard of quite a few. I did hear that my ex had been spotted on Match.com years ago.
Depraved minds are everywhere…and what better place to hide than in the innocence of small town America? A feeding ground for predators IF we stay innocent and naive…like I used to be. It’s the pedophiles that scare me to death.
During my divorce, a local couple split. Both very active in church and bible studies-she a devout Christian, an author of many marriage books- he appeared to be. She discovered he was hiring prostitutes for 16 years while on mission trips.
This discovery caused her hospitalization with depression. Her family owns a local business founded on Christian principles with a bible verse and logo on their signs…ran the jerk out of town.
Perhaps i should have said our small town gives the appearance of being family oriented. And appearances are everything to the sps.
And that is where mine can no longer fit in…..he’s one of the counterfeits …his cover is blown and he doesnt like that.
Isnt that the problem with most of these sickos? They try to be posers by hooking up with someone who is real. Unfortunately their only toxins poison their victims.. these snakes are immune to it.
Flower:
Yes….appearance is key word.
When spath was exposed……people started talking…..I heard about ALL kinds of weird/wackyo things he was allegedly involved in……
I wanted to know…..I wanted to unravel my 28 years and what I REALLY was living…..or what was going on around me.
there was drugs, there was childen, there was bisexuality, sex parties……abuse of my children, splitting of friends/family/support…..
I was not satisfied with just hearing it……I wanted to know about this underworld…..
Found a picture of him on his knees with two naked men on a couch….advertising guy parties….
Found letters young girls had written him (11-12) reflecting intimicy and ‘love’ and obvious familiarity.
Was contacted by an ex gf of a ‘friend’ who he had split off from her relationship….and she was pissed and ready to spill guts…..I heard about sex with her and her BF and sex parties.
I saw him conning so many people and trying to diminish my reputation in my community…..
Quite frankly, it worked for a bit….peeps did pull away…..but slowely they started to realize I am still the same person I have been for the past 20 years (in this town). Still have my character, still a hard worker,still a good parent…..BUT….have been through major illness and made it out…ME.
After the article came out about him getting busted transporting over 9lbs of pot through several states and facing 2 felonies…….
Peeps saw it for themselves……..ANYTHING I had shared was confirmed and validated……..
I don’t believe in ‘small town America’ pure and innocent these days!
Perfect opportunity for spaths…..
Not so sure my spath would be welcomed, as he used to be, in my small town either!
THANK GOD!
EB, UGH! I am glad you could see proof and yes I would like that as well. It must be validating for you.
But my ex kept a very close loyal group of “friends” who want his money, so I have yet to see proof of what I imagine he/they have done.
He is a multi millionare so it will take awhile to the end of the bank account. I am hoping someone takes it in one fell swoop and leaves him penniless.
I have heard of orgies, drugs and parties. It is still early. No one has turned on him ….yet. His last gf is running with a ruff crowd; I suspect he pays her to be quiet. I would love to know what she has on him.
I think it is only a matter of time before all the dirty laundry is hung out to dry…after they empty his pockets.
Fat chance on that! For the first time, I find an article here which is completely out of sync with who these sick bastards are and their common traits. They will never commit suice, ever! It takes a lot to do that, for one, a person must have the courage to do it, these maggots have no ballz. Then, there must be a sense of right or wrong, loss, dispair, hopelesness, loss of dignity or honor, shame for someone to commit suice and sociopaths lack all of those emotions and values.
In the height of my dispair, I told the monster I was married to, many times, to go the honorable thing and jump off the GWB instead of coming home. That way, I could be left a widow & the children orphans but with our dignity so that we could be put out of our misery and move on with a normal life. But, oh, no! He would be outraged (feigned outrage, of course) and invariable retorted that he couldn’t do such a thing because “[his] god would never forgive him!” Ha ha! What a twisted psyche and what a cruel god that would allow a piece of useless shit like that to destroy the lives of everyone around him, including his own innocent children, but would not forgive him for jumping off a bridge and sparing us the horrors that we must face today and for the rest of our lives!
One big effing hip, hip hooray to both, him and his god!
Hi Steve
Steve writes
“Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.”
I agree yes they do try and commit suicide. My own father did.
when my mother finally caught him my S Dad out saying she was having no more of his lies and that it was out on his ear.
we get a call at 3 am the following day to say our father has tried to gas himself. However he managed to pick a spot where he got found by the police and of course he got caught in time only for her to have him back and let him use the old pity play technique on her for another 15 years being an even bigger liar and cheater and making HER feel even worst.
Years later when asked why he did it his reply was “it seemed like a good idea at the time”
Suicidal??? Ha! Well, at least they try, right? They appreciate the idea like the greatest of plans when all else fails” that failure makes them attempt against their own lives” but not really” Sounds like a contradiction, I know” but it’s not.
Let me tell you about HER… the S I’ve ALMOST forgotten.
Her plan was to wait until it was time to swallow the pills. Me getting back from school. She’d seen enough movies and forensic medicine TV shows as to know what to do to prepare the ’scene of the crime’” and waited for her ’salvation’ to come along” ME. She heard as the door opened, she set herself up, pretended to have passed out and” voila! Yes, long live the ’herd’ of followers believing she was capable of ending with what she loved the most” herself!
Instead of generating another unconditional member to her ’Me-Cult’, she pushed me further away” and the result was a cynical person within her ’captive audience’. Yes, unfortunately, Sociopaths produce people like me, who go cynical and find it a little bit difficult to get over the manipulation and the ’back-to-normal’ state of mind.
I listened as the doctor was telling everyone how lucky we were to have brought her so quickly to the hospital, since the pills were nearly intact and easily washed out, and he added” ’I suggest you take her to a psychologist as this is, obviously, a cry for help— (If only he had known this was a case of ’assisted suicide’)
I had to bite my tongue to keep me from saying: “Please! Allow me to freaking explain that her intention was NOT to end her life, but to manipulate us!!!”
I couldn’t forget the words: ’the pills were nearly intact!’” wondering: “What was it? Thirty two seconds before I got there that she took the freaking pills?!”
I know these people will NEVER take their own life. Their narcissistic self will never comply. So to their constant rhetoric of: What would you do without me? We should answer: Do you REALLY want to know?
one_step_at_a_time:
I’m with you. I could only hope for him to kill himself. At 53 mine has quite a few good years left to do his thing. It may be with older women than he’d like to have (not those cute little 18 year olds anymore), but he’s still very charismatic, charming and sexy. I HATE him!!!!!
No, he’d never kill himself, but a good semi truck on his way to work might do the trick. I feel hateful even saying that, but I can’t help feeling like the world would be a better place without him and people like him.
Guys you are right there are SOME of them who will only PRETEND to be suicidal as a pity ploy, and some so arrogant they would murder but never even contemplate suicide, but there are those who Are cowardly enough that they refuse to live if their CON IS CAUGHT and they WILL kill themselves—I have known a couple who did—it is the ULTIMATE “FARK YOU” to the people who caught them, the ultimate I AM IN CONTROL OF MYSELF that they impose.
Not all psychopaths use exactly the same control tactics. This is just ONE P control tactic when “all else is lost” to SOME of the Ps. My son I am pretty sure would NEVER do himself in to thwart me b ecause he will never give uip the idea that if he just stays at it he will EVENTUALLY WIN.
There are those however who must in their minds WIN NOW and those I think are the ones who will do themselves in and don’t have the guts to face public disapproval. Publoic disapproval means nothing to my psychopathic son so he doesn’t care about that, and no matter how many times he jloses he thinks that NEXT TIME HE WILL WIN….he has that toxic hope, that narcissistic foresight, that he “never loses and will eventually win.” He wants to be around to see it.
Others are not like that, if they can’t win, they want to show you that YOU can’t poison their lives and make them lose, so “FARK YOU, I’m out of here ha ha”
I blogged on this, as others believe, I think it’s just a pity ploy. Perhaps they veer into a mania not realizing they WILL DIE, but I don’t think for a minute they desire death ever.
http://holywatersalt.blogspot.com/2010/06/psychopaths-and-suicideanother-pity.html
Oh boy, can I relate. I guess I’m dealing with a rank amateur, not a real pro, but my sister decided sometime in her teens to start threatening suicide when I called her out on her act. I even remember handing her a knife, saying, please do. And then, of course, she cried, “She tried to kill me!” There is power even in that.
I still, somewhere in my consciousness, think there will be a day when I will outlive my sister. And I’ll be sorry. The suicide note will have my name all over it. I try not to think other thoughts.
I am Costello. I saw a ghost, and by the time my Abbott enters the room, my ghost is gone. No one else sees.
I remember a boy I liked in school who used to draw pictures like the ones he saw in the comic books. One day, he was drawing a picture of a very muscular man, almost naked, stabbing himself in the gut. “He thinks if he stabs himself, he will get power,” he said. Sixth grade. 35 years ago. I remember it as if it were just yesterday.