Although some see sociopaths as too emotionally deficient to experience the despair necessary to suicide, I see suicide as offering a viable option for some sociopaths, and I’m going to explain why.
Let me start with a bit of crude, brutal logic: for many sociopaths, as we know, life is very much a game; hence, when game over, life over. No more game, what’s left? The answer may be, nothing.
And yet it may be less “despair” and “depression” with which the sociopath is left when his act has been shut-down than his preferring no longer to deal with an existence he knows will cease supplying the gratifications to which he’s grown accustomed, perhaps addicted and certainly privileged.
In the face, then, of this massive problem, the sociopath, with his notorious penchant for escaping inconvenient situations, may consider “checking-out” out of life—suiciding—when it, too, becomes insolubly inconvenient.
Some sociopaths, recognizing that their run of exploitation has ended, may use suicide as a final act of rebellion and contempt, as if to express, “See! You may have apprehended me, but watch! I’ll kill myself, and so I’ll escape again! Nobody gets me. Nobody makes me account! I am accountable to myself only, and now I choose to disappear, permanently. Ha!”
Of course, we’re all acquainted with the incarcerated sociopath who seeks his death, and may even generate publicity around his quest to be capitally executed. His is the case of the imprisoned sociopath asking the state, in effect, by proxy, to assist him in his suicide. What are we to make of this?
For some, the specter of the prisoner seeking execution arouses a certain sympathy; the prisoner may be seen as pursuing a form of ennobled self-justice, which may be interpreted (or rather, misinterpreted) as reflecting his belated humanity.
But what is the incarcerated, suicide-seeking sociopath really doing? Where is he really coming from? The answer is that he’s doing what he’s always done—exploiting for an edge, an advantage.
In such cases his spirited self-advocacy for death-by-state reflects some very basic sociopathic tendencies, among them his audacious grandiosity and arrogance. For even in his wretched, no-status state, here he is making noise and refusing to recognize limits—that is, he’s still attempting to exercise omnipotent control; he’s determined to determine even the way he dies!
But the incarcerated sociopath’s pursuit of assisted suicide-by-state is also, and probably principally, about his desire to escape a life intolerably devoid of gratifications.
Remember that, for many sociopaths, life without an ongoing infusion of gratification is like living in prison. For some of these sociopaths, this just is not a life worth living.
It is possible that despair, finally, is a driving factor when sociopaths attempt or commit suicide. However, it is the source of his despair that’s probably most noteworthy and distinguishing: the sociopath often feels his despair as an existence intolerably devoid of sufficient gratifications, and the promise of future gratifications. And so his despair derives, ultimately, from the frustration of his greedy, insatiable demands.
Adding to his despair is the probable sense of his shattered omnipotence—that is, the sense that he can no longer exercise the kind of control over others, and control over (and satisfaction of) his gratification-habit to which he developed a deep, arrogant sense of entitlement.
The sociopath’s belief in his omnipotence, a belief deployed in the service of producing continual gratifications, gives him his superficial, if not only, purpose in life. Deprive him of it, and all bets are off.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns was for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Genevieve79 : Re the terrible events of the past few days in Cumbria. The press talk is “he was under a lot of strain and lost it” type thing.:( Oh – he “just lost it”? We all loose it, but we dont do that (this pisses me off a bit too actually – most people with mental health issues would do damage to themselves before others in a crisis). He had guns already! Smacks of pre-meditated fantasies (why does a taxi driver need guns? Taxi driver not Farmer…this is the UK) Anyway. My thoughts are not with him, but with the people of Cumbria.xxxxx
Blue:
Isn’t it amazing what we can ‘see’ when we are not caught up in the drama.
It is sooooo clear!
Hopefully, others will see the manipulations and control tactics to bring it all back around to the ‘me, me, me’ effect.
I hope so Erin:)x I cant ‘let go’ of daughter, but it’s tricky with her being so ‘IN IT’.x We’ve all been caught up in the dramarama so long…its been ‘normalized’…
Lots of work to do on ourselves for all of us.x
Dear Blue,
You describing your egg donor and how she wants control of the grandchildren and uses the threats of her MONEY to try to get compliance with HER DEMANDS is almost FUNNY in a way. When we are outside that drama we can see so clearly as ErinB says.
Your advice to your daughter about calling the paramedics and sending them to her house is good, really, but can you see her DENYING she said such a thing and the DRAMA she would create when they showed up and she was denying she threatened to harm herself! I can see the mushroom cloud rising above her house now! It is visible for 12,000 miles! LOL
Actually, I think I am so deadened to this CONTROL issue and the threats of” hurting myself if you don’t do what I want you to,” that I would offer to bring her over some poison or a gun, her choice! REAL people in REAL emotional pain that DO harm themselves (not as a punishment to others, or as a threat to make someone else take responsibility for their “suicidal ideation”) aren’t going to threaten and posture and try to use guilt etc as weapons to control others. Those people don’t threaten suicide. Personally if a psychopath does themselves in because their chosen victim doesn’t give in to their demands, it is just one less P for the world to deal with.
As my parrot repeats because he has heard me say it so frequently, “Oh well……”
Dear ox drover and Erin – Okay. I am definitely getting a real sense of what you describe…with the “oh well” yes I think in retrospect “oh well” is good. I might be almost there… my daughter definately isnt…:(
One thing that I noticed with this episode is that the woman who gave birth to me really “showed herself” publicly….and it is outrageous…. but the realisation that she made a spectacle of herself seems to encourage pity for her with daughter and sister and in laws, and they almost feel more responsible (because “she’s so bonkers she wont have anyone else” type vibe…a care-taking vibe) … not action to eject!!x Been there done that. Looking from (almost) outside is odd. But good.
Anyway. off to read and sleep. thanks for being here to help me talk things out again LF.xxxxxx
Dear Blueskies,
The concept of “it is NOT MY PROBLEM” and “I am NOT responsible for your feelings” is a difficult one to grasp. I know it sure WAS for me. Now that I have grasped it, though, sometimes I feel almost “callous” in my lack of emotional response about someone else’s tantrum.
You know if your two year old was throwing themselve son the floor because you wouldn’t give him/her some candy, you would not get all upset and be concerned that the kid was going to die or be ruined because they didn’t get a piece of candy. You would probably stand there and watch the tantrum and laugh because you would know they were going “all out” to get you to give in to them. You would IGNORE IT, not get the candy out and beg the child to eat it! LOL
I feel the same way with adults who threaten suicide, self harm, etc or to “throw their lives away” because someone else isn’t doing what they want them to.
My egg donor used to throw pity party tantrums and CRY and SQUALL and BAWL when I would refuse to have holiday meals at her house with her brother Uncle Monster and scream about how I was RUINING her Holiday. I asked her once if she thought she might be “ruining” my holiday? Of course Not.
But I finally got to the point years ago (over 15) that I just gatherede up my kids and/or my husband and went out of state to a friend’s house for the holidays rather than spend them with uncle Monster or let her tantrum make me bow to her will. Her tantrum over THAT didn’t sway me, but I didn’t generalize her control measures to everything, just that one thing. Now I am learning to generalize tantrums more and Not responding to any kind of control issue from someone with that kind of PERFORMANCE.
Last summer when I took in the “victim” who turned out to be a psychopath posing as a victim, when I told her she had to leave my place and go somewhere else because she was not utilizing the opportunitiy I had given her to HELP HERSELF any, but had become instead dependent on me taking care of her, she went into a real award winning PERFORMANCE. I watched it as she accused me of being abusive to her, not taking her to a doctor, and went on about what a marytar she was and I was TOTALLY UNMOVED by her crying, projecting, blame placing, and attempt at guilting., TOTALLY unmoved. Just observing her writhing and carrying on without any connection to her FAKE performance at all.
Actually, I think that lack of feeling about the control tantrum I had that day must be similar to the way the Ps don’t connect when we BEG them to stop hurting and abusing us. They just don’t connect to our pain. I sure didn’t connect to her performance. I was just in NEUTRAL.
I don’t feel that way about everyone else, or pain and suffering in general, I am still Overly empathetic to visions of pain and suffering in my fellow humans, or in animals, but with someone I have determined is using a pity ploy or tantrum to try to manipulate me, I feel very little empathy for them.
cocaine is attractive 2 these people ive heard meth is 2 sucide is very common when they feel they cannot deal with finally losing control ive been involved with three of these men all three have gotton into coke all three extremely successful in economic success to the point of unusual i think were fooled into thinking they r so nuts they r broke and cant sustain a job by them to fool us into profiling them wrong lets face it money is power r we so naive to think they they would not have power they will do anything organized crime is usual beautiful women prostitition drugs they r not homeless people we r being ignorant two out of three in my life have committed suicide they dont eccept failing ever
but i will also say i had relief over thier deaths i had to go thru relocation program to get away or it would have been me the third one is threatening me now
they usual threaten it alot u usually dont believe they will do it until they do im sorry if im bad for being relieved i had two children with the first one who was a tv host and two with the second one n he was very wealthy 2 they were both the children of the same kind of father both had mothers who were broken down into subission and suffered torture being thrown in pools when they couldnt swim beaten to the point of having to hide it from school and sexual abuse deprivation of food and those r the things i know of they have an extreme vulnerability with thier mothers thier moms were fragile but they go for hookers n strippers and devalue women
Dear Tony’s mom,
I’m glad that you are relocated and hope that you are safe! Keep on reading here there is so much good information on this site to help you heal from the stress of it all.
More than anything your children need you to be there for them! And you need yourself to be there to take care of yourself too. You deserve to be safe and at peace.
God bless and glad you are here! Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with!~ There are some good people here who have also dealt with the trauma.