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By November 2, 2017 7 Comments Read More →

Sociopaths are evil, dark, and soulless

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.)

Chapter 54:  Just Plain Mean

I flew back East to be with my family. My mother survived her heart attack but was altered permanently by the event—physically, emotionally, and cognitively. Due to my overwhelming guilt, profound sadness, and a complete loss of faith in people and in any belief in the triumph of good over evil or in justice and fairness, I was numb.

A few weeks later, back in Utah, I came in from an hour of cross-country skiing and made hot chocolate for Daniel and me. I still skied as often as I could, even though I neither experienced any joy nor appreciated the beauty of the mountains when I skied. I only did it because, intellectually, I knew it was better to ski than not to ski. Exercise and sunshine help ward off depression. Skiing was exercise. It was done outside. It was sunny today. Case closed. I needed to do anything I could to make each day less dark. It was that simple. As with all other facets of my life, I forced myself to go through the motions, to exist—doing what I needed to do, what I should do, but all of it was empty, artificial, joyless.

While sitting at the kitchen table and sipping hot chocolate, I checked my email. Daniel was next to me. An email from my lawyer read, The judge signed the papers yesterday afternoon. You are now officially divorced. Congratulations! I sighed. It was good to have it over. Paul’s abusive behavior had been brutal. I hoped I had hit bottom and that I could start healing and rebuilding. Maybe Paul would be more reasonable now, and together we could co-parent our two children. (The fact I had this thought demonstrates that I still did not fully comprehend the consequences of Paul being a sociopath, because there was, and is, no possibility of constructive co-parenting with him.)

An email from Paul followed. With trepidation, I opened it. My eyes refocused several times to confirm that I was really seeing what was before me on the screen. My abdomen heaved. In front of me was a scanned copy of my journal from the first months following my separation from Paul. My most private thoughts, fears, and insecurities, my revelations about who and what Paul really was, my clarity about the sham of my marriage and about my wasted life with Paul were in those pages, those intensely personal pages. Even matters and strategies discussed with my lawyer were there. Paul must have gained access to my journal during one of his break-ins.

The pure, undiluted meanness of not only breaking into my home but also reading my journal, copying my journal, and—on the date our actual divorce—making sure I knew he had done so, drove a dagger through me. In just a few words, Paul’s note reflected who this man was—who he is—evil, dark, and soulless.

Look what I have!

Strength left my body, and I crumpled to the floor, gasping for air. Primal sounds emanated from my body, though I was not aware of making them.

“Mom! Mom! What’s wrong?” Daniel shouted, his face tight with concern. Daniel looked at my computer and then dropped to the floor and hugged me.

I drew him close, drinking in the love I felt for him, as if the inherent goodness of this child and my infinite affection for him could exorcise the demon to which we had both been exposed.

“I’m so sorry, Mom!” he said. “Dad’s an ass. No, he’s not an ass, he’s evil.”

Daniel was right. Sociopaths are the working definition of the devil—devoid of human compassion and willing to do anything no matter how heinous to experience pleasure, power, and the thrill of prevailing.

My cell phone buzzed, signaling an incoming text message.

“Do you want me to see if it’s something important?” Daniel asked.

He looked at my phone. His eyes widened, and his face whitened.

“Daniel, what’s wrong?”

“It’s from Dad,” he said. “I don’t think you should see it right now.”

“Please give me the phone,” I said.

Daniel did not move.

“Daniel, give me the phone!”

Daniel handed me the phone. The text message from his father, my husband of almost twenty years, the father of my two children read, FUCK you! You BITCH!

Days later when Daniel told his father he had seen the text, Paul accused me of being an irresponsible parent because I clearly did not have needed security features activated on my phone that would have prevented Daniel from seeing a private communication that was clearly intended just for me. Sociopath math!

 

Start from the beginning:

Chapter 1

Go to previous chapter:

Chapter 53C

Notes

Identifying names, places, events, characteristics, etc. that I discuss here and in my book have been altered to protect the identity of everyone involved.



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7 Comments on "Sociopaths are evil, dark, and soulless"

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Hello O.N. Ward. They say that larger truth and philosophy can be rolled into a single detail – and your every scene flashes neon-bright into the destructive nature of a sociopath. Thank you!

Onna, absolutely heart wrenching reading your post. Judges/court either don’t see it or they see it & chose not to deal with a sociopaths behavior. I am so sorry that you endured this hellish nightmare. When you finally escape, you think that you are safe…but I feel I will never be safe not with my ex and his manipulative evil mind games.

You must always be on guard, that the sociopath, will somehow attempt to destroy you & your new life at any time…maybe 20 years from now. They love the game. They get joy out of messing with people. So sick & twisted their thinking.

This is the crazy stuff my ex h did to me throughout the divorce process that is until I cut off my phone & email all together. Physically my nerves were shot & mentally he had pushed me over the edge. So I just shut him out…natural instinct my body & mind reverted to primal instinct = survival mode. This before I knew about the “no contact rule”.

Your past few post have sadden me so much. How your son was treated, your dogs, to the manipulation your ex did to your daughter’s mind and especially your mothers health. The ripple effect from a sociopath is endless.

Hugs to you!! 💜

This is just heart-breaking. I don’t know if I would have had the strength to go on. You have survived and prevailed and now the whole world will read what he is. Good for you! And good for your son for having such a strong mother. Your strength is something he will carry with him always.

Sigh, it is really hard to read this, and I feel for you. They are soulless creatures just hell bent on destruction, when they have lost their hold. I wonder though, if they all attended the same school and graduated, the experiences I have had for the past 7 years are so similar to yours and other survivors of these monsters.

I am glad you were able to dig deep, stay strong and push through for yourself and your son.

mine hid out in the courthouse, the day our divorce was final (his lawyer insisted ‘he couldnt face me’..)..this man who often threatened to cut me off, without funds; keep the boys from me in a custody fight, kill me; was in the hallways in the courthouse..coward. I was threatened with being killed, post-divorce (he made sure one of our sons passed that message onto me)..it only happened one time. these kind of people are really EVIL, no mistake.

I am happy the son got it in that one comment, “…he’s evil.” Yes, they leave a wake of destruction. I haven’t posted here in ten years. Thank you.

In my state I think the contents of the text he sent is a Class 3 misdemeanor called ‘curse and abuse.’

wpDiscuz

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