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By | October 13, 2007 31 Comments

Sociopaths as Parents (Part 2): What the child sees matters!

Recent scientific studies show that genes strongly influence the development of sociopathy (For more on this, see Just Like His Father? — A Guide to Overcoming Your Child’s Genetic Connection to Antisocial Behavior, Addiction & ADHD). If we take all the studies together, it looks like genes and childhood environment contribute equally to sociopathy in our society. While we can’t yet alter genetics, we can do something about environment. Parents are a large part of a child’s early environment, so it makes sense to question whether parenting contributes to antisocial behavior.

Parents can transmit antisocial behavior to children any number of ways. The most obvious route of transmission is through modeling of antisocial behavior. Social learning theory teaches us that children learn behaviors by watching adult models. Furthermore, a child’s perceptions regarding the important adults in his life are also involved in the learning process. Within a family, parents may model prosocial or antisocial behavior that their children may observe and imitate.

Parent modeling is important for teen behavior

In a recent study, published in Child Development, Cognitive and Parenting Pathways in the Transmission of Antisocial Behavior From Parents to Adolescents, authors Shannon J. Dogan, Rand D. Conger and their colleagues from the University of California at Davis examined antisocial behavior in 236 girls and 215 boys from white, middle to lower-middle class two-parent families. Antisocial behavior was assessed in the parents by report of the other parent. Parents rated their partners on a five-point scale on four questions: ”˜”˜(S)he has tended to drink too much alcohol,” ”˜”˜(S)he has done many reckless things including breaking the law,” ”˜”˜(S)he has had many arguments or conflicts with other people,” and ”˜”˜(S)he doesn’t always tell me the truth about things.” Researchers also asked teens about their perceptions of their parents’ antisocial behavior. They wanted to know if antisocial behavior that teens didn’t know about influenced teen behavior.

The researchers showed that teens’ knowledge of parent behavior played a role in the teens’ own antisocial behavior. Teens whose parents modeled drinking to excess, fighting with others, recklessness/law breaking and lying, were likely to also do these things.

What to do if your child’s parent models antisocial behavior

If you are involved in a custody visitation dispute with a sociopath, make sure evaluators are aware of this recent study. The reference is Child Development, January/February 2007, Volume 78, Number 1, Pages 335 — 349. Document in writing your child’s parent’s drinking, recklessness, arguments and lies. Especially note which of these behaviors were observed by your child. Ask evaluators to assess your child’s awareness of the other parent’s sociopathy, if you think this is relevant for your case.

If your child justifies his/her antisocial behavior by saying mom/dad does that, take a stand. Teach your child your good values, even if the other parent does not abide by them. Make an extra effort to model sobriety, prosocial behavior and truthfulness for your child. I recommend that you do good deeds together as a family. Do a walk or run for charity, volunteer in a soup kitchen, or work for Habitat for Humanity. Consider enrolling in scouting and/or finding a spiritual community where your child can learn good values and be exposed to positive adult role models.


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This is so sad because my ex is now engaged to this 21yo and I am sure he will get her pregnant and they will have a baby inside of a year.

Now, if the above is true and they are both ASPD or BPD etc… I hope the child is not screwed up too.

So damn sad.

I don’t even want to think about it.

At this point I am praying they will turn themselved around and really have a happy life and not have a baby just to screw it up.

NANA

What children see and hear is very important and should be dealt with as soon as possible. My daughter met a Lebanese man in 1995, they married here in NC in 1998, had a son in 2000. In 2004 an Arabic document came to the house, she had his niece read it to her, and learned it was the annulment of the marriage to the Lebanese wife, which she had just gotten six years after my daughter married this man. He continue to lie that it was a property settlement. She had it translated and it was in fact the annulment, and they seperated. We found many things when he left the home. A Lebanese issue 44 revolver, a handwritten ledger showing income of over $365,000 in 26 months and verified that he and his brother were smuggling cigarettes from NC to Michigan every weekend. They told us they were in the Seafood business and traveled to get orders and collect the money. The ledger clearly showed large sum of money going to the leader of the Charlotte NC group that received 155 years in Fed Prison for cig smuggling, money laundering, fraudulent marriages and funneling money to terrorist group Hezbollah. I also learned that the brother was caught in Michigan, faked a heart attack, cut a deal with the feds which included this brother and got one years house arrest. He gave the names of the 18 arrested in Charlotte, just as his ex-roommate had done almost 2 years earlier when arrested at the airport in St. Louis, Missourt with $700,000 in counterfeit cig stamps in his briefcase. This man knew this and came back laughing that he’d pulled this on the feds. To cap it off, Bob Fromme, a sheriff deputy in the area had already spotted the far easterners buying large amounts of cigarettes and paying from bags of cash and alerted ATF and was working with them on the case before either of these men were caught…yet their deals kept them out of jail so they could continue their crimes. The money was laundered in opening a cigar store here in Morehead City, NC., buying land which they sold with a fraudulent deed, etc. etc…it goes on and on, but the most interesting thing was the large sums of money to the leader of the Charlotte group which went to terrorist group Hezbollah. I questions how our agents can cut such deals when they don’t know everything thats going on or what it involves. I had this man charged with Bigamy on 2-1-07 after his attorney here got him a fraudulent “Annulment” when none of the six reasons under N.C. Law applied, then his attorney immediately filed for full custody of the child, knowing this was the only thing that would keep his client in this country. I had ICE, SBI, and NCIS working the investigation, they said we had opened a “Pandora’s Box” with what we had. Knowing we couldn’t afford to go back before the same judge that issued the annulment on the child custody hearing, I pushed ICE and SBI to pick him up, as it had been verified he was an illegal. On 11-16-06 he was picked up by 7 agents and held for 3 months, then bonded for his deportation hearing. My daughter begged her attorney to file for custody while he was in federal holding, and he wouldn’t. When he got out he started calling for his court ordered visitation. Her attorney told her that she had no choice, if she didn’t, they would charge her with contempt of court. She called me, and I told her she did have a choice, we went and immediately got an Emergency Ex Parte Order signed by the judge. The next day I talked with the Asst. DA about the threats this man had made to take the child and we’d never see him again, and about the bigamy. He told me what to do, and who to contact and we did. The bigamy warrant was served 2-1-07 and he’s still not been indicted. On 3-21-07 he was ordered departed from the US by 5-21 and given a Voluntary Departure, with none of the things outlined in the code, such as a bond, being of good moral character, etc., being complied with, yet our U.S. Justice Dept says it’s a good order, and the INS JUdge did nothing wrong. Would you say that a man charged with Bigamy, one that smuggled cigarettes, laundered money and funneled money to terrorist group Hezbollah was of good moral character.
It has now been 9 months, still no indictment. The first time I asked the Asst DA why not, his response was the “the civil attorneys were working it out”. I questioned how civil attorneys could work out a criminal felony? Then when my daughter called the Asst. DA, a couple of months ago to see why he’s not been indicted, she was told that because I’d raised so much hell, he was sending it to the N.C. Atty Generals office, he wasn’t loosing his job over it, still it remains on the local calendar each month. His attorney has never told the court that his client has been ordered removed from the U.S. and it is unknown if he can or will return to the U.S. To me this is “Aiding and Abetting an Illegal Alien for his own personal gain”. He collects a fee each month for having it continued, he hasn’t been honest with the court. If he were, the bondsman would have to forfeit the bond to the court, and a warrant would be issued for his arrest the next time he’s spotted locally….which he has been…ICE says that if he’s here, it’s illegally. What can we do? We’re afraid that he’ll go to school and take the child, the Canadian officials say that if he every gets him to Canada, because the father holds citizenship, he can get citizenship for the child the next day and there’s nothing we can do. Why won’t they indict him, they have all the evidence in hand needed for a conviction. Why is he being protected by his brothers deal with the feds? Why is it American Citizens can get no help, but Illegals can get by with anything they want in our country? Please offer advice, we’re at our wits end. We don’t know what to do anymore.

NANA,

Have you considered going to the media?

kmrobinson

It is all well and good to suggest letting those in the court system know about this study. But how do you get them to listen and acknowledge that the non custodial parent has antisocial personality disorder?

My son’s father and I met with the top psychologist at UCONN and his finding was that he needed intensive therapy and should not be left alone with a child nor be allowed to have them in his possession overnight. Yet the courts continued extended visitation schedules up until three years ago when his father didn’t return my son as scheduled and then told my son I no longer wanted him. It took me two weeks to get him back and in that time I was not allowed to speak to him nor was my son told that I had attempted to contact him.

His father had been given two weekend visits in the past year which created such emotional turmoil that the visitations were yet again reevaluated. Currently, he sees his son every three weeks for six hours, but if he is consistent with these visits then we go back to weekend visits every six weeks. I dread that. My son will never tell anyone in authority of his fear of staying with his dad because his father has threatened him with punishment from God if he goes against him.

I had attempted over a month ago to try and put aside things yet again so that things between his father and I were not so stressful. That worked briefly until his father realized that I would not give up my pursuit of the rather large sum of back child support and make the visistation schedule how he wanted it.

I think the courts are well aware that he has issues but they are so filled with cases that are far worse by nature in physical and sexual abuse that this is pushed under the rug. How do I get them to investigate this without them thinking (like they do) that I am doing tit for tat and trying to stir the pot to make his father into the type of “father” that I have as an expectation. I am trying to save my son from a future like his dad’s.

verdae

The best thing a mother can do with regard to her children, if their father displays the characteristics of a sociopath, is to not put up with anything that will harm her children in the short term or long term. If he does not act and behave in a normal way, use your common sense- he is not normal, he does not care for them, or his family, he only cares for himself, his “family” were like actors on his stage, and he has moved onto to another production. Ask yourself, what has he done to show and prove that he has love, respect, and honor for his family? If you cannot answer this with concrete evidence, wake up. Save your children and yourself from further abuse by a sociopath.

Regarding the Lebanese sociopath…. all I can say is that the cops do this type of thing from the bottom to the top.

They will let a known felon and drug dealer/user stay on the streets as long as that person continues to give them names which lead to “bigger and better arrests.” Everyone is looking to make a “deal.”

The cops (whether local or federal) don’t want just another run of the mill piddly smuggler or dealer… they want the BIG ARREST to put on their records to help negotiate their new contracts and get bigger raises and better pensions or whatever. It all comes down to money.

Now, how do you protect yourself? Someone on here suggested that you must think like a sociopath in order to outwit them. Sort of like thinking like a serial killer in order to catch them.

Trouble is you’re dealing with a child and custody right? So how do you teach love, good moral behavior and empathy and positive thinking when you are engaged in dealing with a sociopath.

The ART I believe in in negotiation. Everything is a negotiation here. I’ll give you this if you give me that.

“You can visit the child as long as the visit it supervised.”

“You can have visitation as long as you pay child support.”

ETC.

The sociopath has to see “what’s in it for him” in order to do something. Trouble is they are always thinking that way and like feeding a wild animal..they will always keep coming back for more or so it seems.

I pray to GOD I am not pregnant. I so don’t want to go through any of this and not really up for such a fight. I don’t like when I feel someone has the upperhand on me and I can get really nasty and I don’t want my child to see that.

So everything has to be done calmly and carefully with CALM ASSERTIVENESS.

Ever watch the DOG Whsiperer? Watch him Ceasar Milan. he’s awesome. He deals with DOG psychology right? But if you watch him – he is really about dog and human psychology.

When we are dealing with sociopaths we are really dealing with someone whose brain doesn’t work like a typical human’s right? So in order to deal with someone like this, you have to not become submissive and angry about it.

He talks about excercise, discipline and affection when dealing with dogs.

i think the same goes for people. There has to be an outlet for excess energy, there have to be clear boundaries and rules set, and it has to be done with compassion and love since we are dealing with the feelings of another person (even if that person is a sociopath – they are still human.)

You can learn a lot about people and how to behave with different type of people from watching this show about dogs.

For example I have learned that when I am angry and screaming non-stop it is like a little chiahuaha barking like mad – it does not show toughness but rather it shows fear and creates more hosility.

Ceasar shows how in a situation to say things and how to behave in a manner which shows you are not afraid yet you are not going to let someone walk all over you either and you are not being mean just assertiing your rights in a calming way rather than escalating the situation.

The Lebanese guy sees EVERYONE as enemies. And when you threathen and engage in having him deported and etc, all he sees is you being another ENEMY that must be fought against. Is there some way he can see you as trying to be NOT an enemy but someone who is calm and assertive yet wants things to work out for the best interest of everyone?

Anyone know who I am talking about?

T

nowIgetitImTW

Liane, You stated in your Part 1 on Parenting/sociopathology “…children who are dominant and defiant may not be identified as disturbed… But we know they are at risk to become sociopaths or narcissists. It is the level of sadism and poor impulse control that determines whether sociopathy or narcissism prevails.” Could you please elaborate on the distinction between sociopathy and narcissism vis a vis the “level of sadism and poor impulse control”… I am desperate to find some answers to the problems of dealing with an NPD based on your response.
Thank you in advance for your reply…

dontfeedthecat01

I’ve been looking for “Positive Thinking ” that how I can be positive in my all ways of

life then I found just one place which let me understand that I shouldn’t feed the CATs …

for knowing what CAT is here is the link http://www.dontfeedthecat.com Tim Burgess is

really great, And he let me understand that how I can get more connections and sales leads

being having positive thinking. Here is the Link

for Tim Burgess Video
I hope you people will also like this… By the way very nice post you had made here…

Regards
Kamran Shafi

one/joy_step_at_a_time

well looky. advertising to cap off POO WEEK!

hens

DID SOMEBODY STEP IN CAT SHIT…? I SMELL SOMETHING STINKY.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

poo on the shoe!

super chic

A bird crapped on my head!
That’s why I can’t think so
postively right now!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

well, that’s shitty shabby.

super chic

hahahaha! that was a good one!
I’m sh*t faced. ahhahaha, not really.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

yah, but ya gotta use the words when you can 😉

super chic

your new name is numero uno !! 😀

one/joy_step_at_a_time

LOL!!

pisshead IS less nasty than shithead! 😉

super chic

LMAO! Don’t get me started…
or I’ll be 86’d off the board!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

heheheheeeee

…deleted..

(and that my freinds is what the ‘edit’ function is for.)

super chic

yes, that is the word I wanted to use!!! edit!

I think your all starting to get anally fixated with all this poo talk!
All the same, it about sums the spaths up perfectly. Lets see, how many poo words do we have to throw at them?
MERDE!! {French}
SHIEZE!!~~ {German}
Holy Shiat!! {religious crap.}
Crapola! {or carpola, Oxys fave!}
POO!
I like to think of their bad Karma descending on them all at once, like a HUMUNGOUS bucket of Elephant Poo!!
Lets send them all to spath island witha coupla Elephants!
That should fix em!! Love, Mama gem.XX
For the next bad spath word, hows about Vomit, HURL,
, Upchuck?? Any other offers?

By the way, Chic, a bird crapping on your head is supposed to be good luck!
{Good luck for the dry cleaners, anyway!} mama gem.XX

Wini, think yourself lucky were at the end of “Poo Week’ or we’d have had to call you “Wini the Poo!”
Couldnt resist it!
Hugs, Mama gem.Xx

super chic

gem, oh my, I can think many more, but some
not appropriate for this board! How about
puke for brains?

bulletproof

ha ha ha the poo theme continues…yes it’s very anal, very childish but very funny and it really hits the spot in describing a P (pee hehe)
and now I’m thinking a new cartoon hero…his name ? psychopoo and his job is to get revenge on psychopaths with massive amounts of dung…he could be a cute little poo shape (with a little peak) and have a cloak…be able to fly and….okay…I’ve shut up already..lol it’s probably a form of denial..to be serious and professorish..swish

kim frederick

I am sooo disappointed. I missed poo week. Uf dah. Norweigan for Oh shit.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

kimmy! good news, dues to its overwhelming popularity and the general silliness and profundity achieved , POO WEEK IS BEING EXTENDED!!!

bulletproof

Hurray for poo week…… number 2!! lol

SageeGirl

Woohoo for poo week #2!!! Now I want to go and kick the poo out of those two who have poo-for-brains.

And Gem, I loved the “Wini The Poo” comment!

Ox Drover

You guys are so full of carp!!!!! LOL ROTFLMAO

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