A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
Oxy…the portrait of words…the X-DIL…’bought fell off my chair! Shaking with laughter, tears rolling down my cheeks!
Stop! Hit me with a skillet…or something….
DEar DJ and Rune,
Well, I KNOW I should not glory in the “downfall” of my enemies, but right now, I must confess to you my sin, of doing just that and right this minute I do not have any guilt over feeling that way! (even knowing it isn’t good for me to feel that way, but I guess that is just a “natural” desire to SEE the vengence.
It is odd really that since she has gotten out of jail she has been “sweet” to me and she never was while she was married to my son and she blamed ME for her going to jail. LOL She is so “sweet” (at least to my face) that if I didn’t h ave a photograph of her trying to kill my son, I might “fall for it” and think she had some repentence. However, I read a letter she wrote to her daughter blaming me for her “downfall” and she wrote a letter to the church the same day pouring out her REMORSE for what she had done. PUKE! Of course the two letters were 180 degrees different.
Oh, well, she is out of my son’s life and he is healing, and getting her out of his home, heart and bed has BEEN WORTH ALL OF IT. 100 times over worth it!
Well, DJ, no I am actually NOT writing a book, though I did write one about my Psychopathic father’s life (more for a catharsis for me I think) he is quite famous, or used to be anyway, he invented a thing that is a household name and became fabulously wealthy and he craved the lime light and got interviews in all kinds of newspapers, made the Forbes 400 list one year in the 70s or 80s (I forget which) besides being a full fledge P he CRAVED the media limelight. Which of course made him look like an ass but he didn’t realize that people scoffed at his lack of class and his crassness. He resembles G. Gordon Liddy quite a bit and they were actually friends. Anyway, I decided not to publish it because, truthfully, who the heck cares? He is last year’s news and I no longer feel the bitterness toward him for what he did to me, or what he was. I realize he is a NON-INTENITY NOW. He is no longer important to me in the NOW and I no longer have any compulsion to “tell the REAL truth.” The things he said in print about me, no one who knows me would believe one word of it, and those that don’t know me, if they believe him, who cares? At one point in my healing it was IMPORTANT TO ME to let the REAL TRUTH be known. No more. It just isn’t important to me any more. If my sons want to publish it later, fine. Mainly I wrote it for them since they never knew him except what they read or I told them. My P son thinks he is “the cat’s meow” but my son C is disgusted by him and son D as well. I think the writing of the book was a positive thing for me.
I thought about writing a book about son P, and I have saved all his letters from prison to me in case I ever did, but they are packed away and I haven’t read them in years. Frankly, the whole thing BORES me now. HE BORES ME NOW. There isn’t the emotion attached to the stories that there once was. I think writing here on LF has helped get the emotion detatched from the EVENTS if that makes any sense at all. It is like I can ‘tell the story’ but it no longer elicits the gut wrentching emotions that it once did. The “Rapid eye movement therapy” I had for the PTSD after my husband’s death in the plane crash I think helped me detach from the other emotions/facts things too.
At some point early on in the healing and detaching from the pain and the people, telling the TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH is VERY IMPORTANT and we MUST tell it and be validated. Once we are truly emotionally validated, I think having someone read it, know it and re-validate it is NOT important any more. I’m not sure how else to explain it. It is over and done with and I want to move on to the NOW and the TOMORROWs of the rest of my life and enjoy that. I hope that makes sense.
Dear Jim,
I am glad I provided the amusement for your evening! LOL Nah, I only BOINK you with the skillet when you are too down on yourself or thinking of blaming yourself for the P’s problems. Then I will BOINK you a good one “up-side tha haid” LOL
Oxy,
Thanks. I had to go reassure the cat! At the sight of me hysterical, she was under the furniture, ears laid back…ready to attack whatever unknown threat had manifested itself.
Missing the “P”? Well, I rarely think of her in a fond way. Just a few weeks ago I woke in the night in a cold sweat. I’ve slept alone for three years. She appeared in a nightmare…in my bed…as a demon (no kiddin’) with an extra clawed arm and hand coming out of her scrawny chest…reaching for me…whoa! Scared the carp out of me! If I see her again, guess what picture will pop into my mind first…fantastic antidote!
Hold off on the skillet for now.
Jim, you’re in NO danger! You’ve got it waaaaaay too together for the skillet! Even Henry is safe from me now, but he used to get so down on himself I just had to knock some sense into him. It got to be a “running joke” here on LF and people would “borrow my skillet” if I wasn’t on line when someone would be too down on themselves for being “stupid” or say “If only I had been more understanding then….” but you know what I am talking about. It’s a wake up call, but a LOVING ONE not meant to emotionally hurt anyone or be critical. God knows I have been pretty down on myself in the past too.
Hope your cat recovers! Sorry about your night mare, it seems like soemtiems they just pop up at random in our dreams. Fortunately, I ‘ve been pretty night mare free now for a long time. Watch me have one tonight! LOL Knock wood!
Oxy… Sabinne might need the skillet right now.. Please go do your thing!!!! Shes having a rough day!
learn(ed)the lesson…thanks for sending Oxy…I saw Sabinne’s post a while ago and didn’t know what to say to help…
Your Oxy book is already written here. Donna could offer “The Collected Lovefraud Posts of OxDrover, Volume I” on the Lovefraud Store list. Bound in fine hand-tooled leather directly from aggressive cattle culled from Oxy’s herd…it would be the best seller in no time…I’d buy it and give it a place of honor on my shelf!
learn(ed)thelesson-loved the poem! I copied it to a file and when I clean the fridge it might go up…or matted and framed and on the wall.
Reminds me of some recent poems from a friend…good enough to trip a trigger, made me embarrass myself…into the hole for PTSD detox for a couple days (not your poem, hers).
Another story for another time.
Sabinne, I just posted a reply to you on the other thread about your court case asking if you had documentation of things he has done to you. And you just said here:
” I’ve had the zillion texts, the notes on my car, notes on my door, I’ve been called a whore so many times that it actually started to bore me.”
If you still have these notes and messages, take them with you to court to try to prove what you said on the site is TRUE!!!
Oxy – Oh, I UNDERSTAND your glee! The ex lost his job about a month ago, called me and left a message all crying and shit, another way to “hook” me back in (I see that now). He lost it because of his drug using. Well, he text me yesterday (AND I DIDN’T RESPOND! PAT ON MY BACK!) saying “I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear that unemployment DENIED my benefits.” I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF AS I READ IT! My buddy just happened to call me at that moment as I was STILL laughing and she asked, “what’s so funny?” When I told her, SHE laughed her ass off! I told her Man, we’re two really sick people to be relishing in someone else’s misfortune. BUT…I don’t feel bad ONE BIT and she exclaimed she didn’t either. Karma…what goes around, comes around…and it feels GOOD to see it sometimes!!! God, forgive me….and thank you!
Jim – Id buy Oxys book in a heartbeat! And how bout a book of collections of P/S stories in general ! Id hand it out at highschool graduations to help enlighten the young adults heading out into the world! They sure offer enough literature on all the other addictions (thankfully) but I for one would have appreciated the information on all the red flags and potential P/S scenarios or tools to RUN! 🙂
Thanks for the poem comment. If just came rushing through my fingers, typos and all. Ive never written one before, but boy was it ever a healing moment! I printed it and will look at it from time to time when I too am triggered 🙁
Made me smile when I noticed you added (ed) to my screen name! Still think it may need to be (ing) tho!
lags and possible P/S scenarios! :