A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
Unfortunately for me, I saved nothing. I threw out everything. Notes, shaving gear, clothes, emails, texts–all gone. I thought it was all over. I thought he was done with me and was looking for someone else to torture. He already has one willing victim; I figured he’d just go about his life.
If I had realized what he was really, I would have simply remained quiet and called the police when he eventually found his way to my door. I didn’t realize the extent of his insanity in time to truly save myself.
Dear Sabinne,
Well, possibily all is stil not lost. Do you have your old phone bills where he called you? If not, you might be able to get them from the telphone company if it was on a cell phone. All the call records I was able to get showed a lot of good documentation for me.
If it was e mails, even though you deleted them, it is possible that if you can find some kid who is savy with a computer that you can retrieve them.
A while back my son D hit the WRONG button on his computer and deleted everything back to the plastic and metal, BUT it was retrieveable after all. Just “deleting” something doesn’t mean it is truly totally gone on a computer. Lots of times, some savy kid 15 or 16 can do the trick for $10 and the joy of doing it! Check it out.
So if you were able to show where he texted YOU, even if the text message was gone on your phone that still might be evidence. Don’t give up just yet, tiger! Don’t get mad, get even! LOL
ONe of the things they do to us is make us feel like we are TRAPPED when in fact, we aren’t as trapped as they think we are unless WE feel trapped and give up. Remember, a coyotte will chew off their own leg if caught in a trap rather than give up—and believe me I CHEWED OFF MY OWN LEG when I left my home and fled, but you know what—-I got out of the trap they had set for me, and I survived, and I will continue to survive and I GREW A NEW LEG! You can too, just keep that wiley coyotte in mind and do what you have to do and NEVER GIVE UP! DON’T LET HIM BEAT YOU DOWN. KEEP FIGHTING. ((((hugs always))))) and prayers always!
If anyone knows of a savy kid who can get it all back for me, let me know.
Sabinne – you can probably find a computer tech pretty easily – even just in the yellow pages. Do they have the “geek squad” in your area? They send “geeks” out to help with computer problems. And, if they can’t help you, they can most likely refer you to someone who can. Just explain your issue when you call them.
Also, Google desktop search can retrieve all emails ever opened on your pc or laptop, even if you have deleted them. As Oxy said – nothing is ever truly deleted on a computer, and I think you could even find “deleted” emails pretty easily yourself. Just type “retrieving deleted emails” into google, and you’ll likely get instructions.
Or just call a computer tech such as the geek squad from the yellow pages. They aren’t very expensive.
Good Luck!
Update: I went back on my reptile site last night to post on the chat thread (We call it the ULT for “useless large thread.”) Everyone was so happy to see me and I was pretty happy to see them too. Apparently, some drama ensued on the sociopath’s thread, but I have not gone back to look at it. I still think I’ll lay low on that site if for no other reason than I have too much stuff to do to get back into my full blown internet addiction.
I also heard back from the army investigator. He said he would look for the sworn statements tomorrow and will send them to me if he has them. So I’m waiting on my letter till I get those.
Sabinne, hang in there. You have the truth on your side, and all of us too!
Star: Good on ya!
Sabinne: I think it’s called a computer forensics technician, being as they’re looking for deleted (deceased – lol) activities.
hugs
Just got a call from the ex, which I ignored. OF COURSE HE CALLED…THE WEEKEND IS OVER! God, do I know his patterns or what! Said he misses me, hopes I had a good weekend, and that he LOVES ME VERY, VERY MUCH! WHATEVERTHEF*CK!
Ok, predicting the next cycle in the pattern – he will have another crisis in his life and come crying to me. Do you guys realize HOW MANY TIMES his mother was on her deathbed in the last 3 years??? AND SHE’S STILL ALIVE!
I’m still bugged at all that I did for that man…I’m a good woman…didn’t deserve what he did to me. Breaks my heart that I ALLOWED THAT…THAT I WASN’T TREATING MYSELF BETTER!
Well, when he comes crying, I WILL BE COLD!!! NONE OF MY BUSINESS, GET THE F*CK OUT! And it’s NOT being mean…it’s being GOOD TO ME!
Ok, I vented….
If I could just make him feel just a PINCH of the hurt he has put me through…
Sabinne: I am sorry for what you are going through.
I have been thinking about how to retrieve deleted emails. I googled the question, “How do I retrieve deleted emails?”. There are quite a few pages that came up on how to do it. And I also googled the question, “How can I find deleted texts on my cell phone?” Pages came up on how do this. Or call your cell provider to find out how to find deleted texts. I hope this may help.
Dear DJ,
NOO CONTACT, NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA, ZILCH…no replies, don’t even read or listen to his messages. DELETE DELETE DELETE. It will clear your head!
My favorite commedian is/was George Carlin (RIP George!) In his book, “Brain Droppings” he gave a list of “rules to live by” (of course they are the ones you should NOT live by! LOL) Number 9 was
“Beware of intuition and gut instincts, they are completely unreliable. Instead, develop preconceived notions and don’t waver unless someone tells you to. Then, change your mind and adopt their point of view. ”
That should be called HOW TO LIVE WITH A PSYCHOPATH
#12 is
“Try to dwell on the past. Think of all themisakes you’ve made, and how much better it would be if you hadn’t made them. Think of what you should have done, and blame yourself for not doing so. And don’t go easy. Be really hard on yourself.”
George’s work makes me laugh, but unfortunately I adopted and USED too many of those rules! LOL