A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
Sabinne: Possible deleted cell phone text recovery.
They have a “cell phone spy deleted texts/data extractor”. It is called a SIM CARD SPY. It will only work with cell phones that have a sim card, not all cell phones have SIM cards.
This product will not work with the following:
Some Nextel/Sprint 2 Way phones
Alltel (CDMA)
All Verizon Phones
Some Prepaid phones
Smartphones (ie: Blackberry, Sidekick, and iPhone
OxD, thanks for the laughs. George Carlin is my favorite comedian of all time.
DJ, when I started to question things with my ex, I went out of town camping for 4 days to think about stuff and clear my head. During that 4 days, he left me about 15 messages telling me how much he missed me. I made the mistake of picking up the phone when I got back. It was him. He told me he was on his way up to see me. He told me he had finally filed for his divorce and medical discharge from the army and was free. I was so happy. I slept with him that evening and realized I was in love with him. He was supposed to come up the next day with his daughter so I could meet her for the first time. Guess what? No show. No call. Blew me off!!!!!!! Then 3 days later starting emailing me saying he had no excuse and he hopes we can “work things out.” These guys are crazy, DJ. Don’t be fooled by all the phone calls. It is not about love. It is some sort of sick game they all play. They learned it in Sociopath 101A. “Keep ’em off balance with 1000 phone calls.” From the point of his no show, I went No Contact. Except for one threat. He kept emailing me afterward saying, “So does this mean you never want to hear from me again?” Here was my response: “Not only that, but if you EVER contact me again or if I EVER see you posting on the reptile site, I will call your platoon sergeant and turn you in for adultery.” I never heard from him again. But he continued to post on my reptile site. So I FOLLOWED THROUGH on my threat. That is when I found out he was also committing fraud with the army. As you may have guessed, there was no divorce and no discharge. He lied about everything.
OMG Star, YES, I’ve heard THOSE VERY SAME WORDS come out of HIS mouth! Oh, he’s blown me off MANY times, then called to say “sorry, can we work things out?” No, I AM NOT fooled by his phone calls. I’ve even gotten text messages that he was sending to other girls and ACCIDENTALLY sent to ME! What in the HELL was I thinking???
You know, he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do – I can’t control him or change him. But I think at this point what bothers me is WHAT WAS I THINKING? Why did I keep taking him back when he kept doing hurtful things, when I had PROOF of his lies and cheating? I saw ALL the red flags – why did I let my boundaries be crossed? And it scares me because I don’t want it to happen again with someone else! I’d rather DIE than to go through all this pain again! I’m NOT a stupid woman! And I’m not unattractive, either, so it’s not like I thought I would never attract anyone else or that he was the one and only who paid attention to me. And it IS OK to be alone, so it’s not like I can’t handle that.
My counselor thinks it has something to do with winning…I WANT TO WIN! But with these sociopaths, I’m fighting a losing battle and it would kill me in the process if I kept going. And, in all actuality, I WOULD BE WINNING if I walked away and never looked back. So, I have my walking shoes on and I’m looking ahead…..Have a peaceful Monday!
Sab – check out a computer kid at the high schools in your area. I’m a Librarian at the middle school, and I have a student here that I call on to do my computer stuff here at work and I used to work at the high school level and met MANY students who were really good with computers. Call the counseling office and ask them if they have a teacher who teaches computer classes and talk to the teacher asking if they could recommend a tech student.
Hope this helps…Good Luck!!!
Sabine: Consider how much it is worth to you to retrieve those emails — a hundred dollars? Your freedom? Weeks of time? Get someone who knows what they’re doing to help you, if these emails will really make a difference for you. You may also want someone who is bonded, who has a reputation to protect, etc.
I know high school kids can be very clever with computers, but I wouldn’t choose one to be a witness in court to enhance my credibility in a situation like this. Perhaps the lawyer knows someone? I understand worrying over cost, but sometimes “cheap help” is very expensive in the long run.
DJhere2: I would bet you he didn’t “accidentally” send those texts to you. It is just more of their immature games. ONCE might be an accident. (But I doubt it.) But if it was truly an accident he would make damn sure he didn’t do it again. And if it was an accident, what are the chances YOU would be the one AGAIN to get a text “by accident”. To another girl. Again. Give me a break. These guys are such losers. Little by little we realize…wait a minute: even THAT was a lie too!!!!
DJhere2: Tell your counselor it has something to do with EMOTIONAL RAPE!!! A BETRAYAL BOND!!! BAIT AND SWITCH!!
EXPLOITATION!!! SUDDEN REVERSALS!!!
YOU don’t need to win. HE does. That is what they are all about.
Why don’t we just walk? Because we are people who BOND, who FORGIVE, that mean it when we say I love you! Ordinarily these are good things, but with Narcissists, P, S…whatever you want to call their character disorder… those good traits are used against us.
And when we finally realize it, hell yes, we want to win! We want justice! We want remorse from them! We want them to know we finally have their number! We want to get even, whatever….all very normal reactions. But they are so chitty, that you just get more chit on you even if you stomp on them!
No contact!
Notice…they NEED to win…(not just want to win)….and they will, whatever the cost. WHATEVER THE COST. No matter what it takes. Lies, threats, manipulations, distortions, truth twisting, using others, WHATEVER IT TAKES. You can’t win. Even if they lose, they win, because they simply change what they wanted, or refuse to see the truth, etc.
I am really trying to get them. Everyone I’ve talked to says it’s up to Facebook. So, I’m stuck with waiting on them because it’s in their servers.
Good for you, Sabinne. Have you found someone at Facebook to talk with? Someone who might understand and make this a personal mission to help you out? There might be someone who has been through something similar who could help you.