A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
STARGAZER.. your right.. with him having her computer he may.. i will b careful what i say…MATT..I will tell her about the credit line stuff thank you.. texting her now right away..last nite she answered her phone to an unknown number and it was him. she was at a friends house and he heard voices and he went off completely.. threatening texts voice mails and hes is one pissed off SOB.. hes threatened her life and she has been told to stay somewhere else.. hes raging mad and who knows what will happen. he may snap and things may get ugly.. but please know shes safe for now.. RUNE.. IF YOU HAVE ANY PLACES THAT CAN HELP HER in SO. CALI PLEASE LET ME KNOW.. I WILL SPEAK THRU YOU GUYS FOR THE TIME BEING.. same with her. what next guys…thanks for all your help.. REALLY..
UPDATE ON DJ…So far so good, she has been to the courts for the restraining order, they should be serving him soon… the texts have gotten worse and the cops are not helping her at all.. she was at a friends house last nite when all of the crap happened and she called the cops and they said to call the police of the city she was in.. they arent helping as of yet, but after tday things may change.. he is a felon and has something of hers that he shouldnt have, and he may go down for it, lets hope so.. hes very ugly, hes told her that he will go to any extent to make her feel the hurt that shes done to him. he raped her and he blames it on her.. this man has to be incarcerated to stop. or im affraid he will hurt her badly.. i will hear later on about what the judge says,, i will keep you posted.. Also would it be a problem to leave my phone number on this blog to have you call me for safety factors.. i wont until i hear it is ok.. please let me know,, thank you all for all your help.. you have no idea how much your help has meant to me an DJ.. god bless you all, nik
Just let us know, but stay secure by NOT giving out information in a public place — even here, because we don’t know who else could be reading.
The local police can only act in the city where they have jurisdiction. I don’t know if “kidnapping” takes this up to a situation where the county sheriff’s department, or state police or FBI might be involved. If she was raped, she was restrained? kidnapped? Do the texts constitute a special sort of threat that can be prosecuted by a larger law enforcement agency that can put a stop to him?
DEar niknak,
I would not leave your phone on the net, if you have an e mail address, you can e mail donna PRIVATELY and ask her to share it with any of us that you choose and we can then call you or e mail you, but NOT publicly. If Matt is willing, he might be able to give you some advice as he is an attorney.
KEEP HOUNDING THE POLICE WHERE HE LIVES, ALSO YOU MIGHT SEE IF YOU CAN CALL FBI AS HE IS USING INTERSTATE COMMUNICATIONS FOR A CRIME (DEATH THREAT) PHONE AND E MAIL. KEEP HOUNDING THE COPS! TELL THEM IF THEY DON’T ACT,YOU WILL CALL THE NEWSPAPERS AND THE LOCAL TV STATIONS, BE A PEST AND A JACK ASS IF YOU HAVE TO BE.
I suggest that she stay hidden until something pops and he is arrested and STILL IN AIL—but keep in mind, that my son tried to have me killed by someone else and he was in prison at the time! If he is a determined threat she may actually have to go underground into another city or area. I bought an RV trailer and hid out for quite some time until the Trojan Horse Psychopath that my son sent to kill me went to prison, but he is out on parole now—and though I am back home, I am EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS as I know my son will try again! My other 2 sons and I literally are armed at ALL Times. I live in the country so it will be more difficult for him to get to me, (who ever he sends) but I don’t take any chances. I am still prepared to “take a hike” if I have to…..my life is worth more than my house.
However, I will not live in TERROR, but in CAUTION. Tell DJ that I said to keep her head about her and not let this man terrorize her, but be SAFE above all else. If you send me your e mail I will be glad to correspond with you off line if you think it would help. I lived in terror for too long, never again! But not foolish either! Tell her to hang in there and you hang in there too, these arseholes can be dangerous and deadly! At least she is safe for now! Tell her to keep on with her healing as well. ((((hugs))))) for you both and my prayers for you both! She’s fortunate to have you for a friend!
hi oxy.. can i leave my email on this site,, or how do i get your email..i will read this to her later tonite.. dont want to say much due to him possibly learching on here for info on her.. things are really intense right now and by the evening things may turn around.. i will let you know,, thanks OXDROVER and Rune.. you guys are awesome..
gO ONTO THE HOME PAGE, AND CONTACT DONNA ANDERSON, her e mail address is there. Send an e mail to her and ask her to forward your e mail address to X, Y, and Z, (names entered there) and then she will do it and if the person wants to speak with you off line they can then return you an e mail. THAT IS THE ONLY SAFE WAY TO DO IT. Okay?
Never put your e mail address or phone number on any blog. Quite frankly you never know who you are talking to on a blog. That’s why the cyberpaths are so good with scamming people. Who knows, I could be a serial murderer who just talks a good game. See what I mean? We have had psychopaths come here before and we have one person now who has been banned from this site for inappropriate behavior etc. and still keeeps coming back because he does not respect anyone’s boundaries. This is a public forum and anyone can blog on, if they get bounced they keep coming back with a different name and/or e mail address.
I’ve met some good friends over the internet, but I’ve also met some bummers! BE CAREFUL. The number of people who can keep a secret is the SQUARE of ONE! Keep DJ’s location very quiet, the less people who know the less risk of him finding her is. Keep hounding the cops, FBI and anyone who will listen. Keep on trucking! (((hugs))))
Niknak: blessings to you and DJ. Remind her to stay away from AA friends, and anyone that this guy might be able to connect her to. I mention AA because it is a loose structure, with anonymous people, and some significant portion are NOT stable or trustworthy. Right now, I wouldn’t do ANYTHING that adds any risk at all.
Remember that Oxy’s own son sent a hit man to kill her. With these sorts of people, it is hard to know how far they will go to hurt someone. Right now the fewer people who know where DJ is the better. While this guy is on the loose, you don’t want her to see anyone who might choose to tip him off.
I couldnt follow why the need for telephone numbers/emails…but I second Oxy in cautioning Nic as well as all LF members to protect their identity re: phone/email. I must have missed something here, I will go reread thread. Thanks for the updates on DJ, great job of keeping pertinent information out of the post Niknak. REALLY hope justice prevails here. He is trouble and troubled. My prayers are with you and DJ.
Dear Learned,
NikNak was wanting advice off line by phone or e mail. I advised her to contact donna to forward her e mail address to whoever she wanted to talk to off line, and then that person could respond or not as they saw fit. No risk of anyone online seeing anything that could be used to identify them or give a problem.
NikNak, please listen to Rune’s advice, ANYONE could even accidently let slip information that could lead to DJ. I got advice from a private investigator about how to hide out safely and not leave a “paper trail” I thought I might have to hide indefinitely and I may end up having to do so, though at present I am back at home, but I am prepared to leave in less than an hour if I need to. I am never alone, and always armed because I KNOW my son wants me dead.
D’s P may just be “mouthing off” but my best guess is that he is SERIOUSLY DANGEROUS. I had no proof at the time that I fled that mine had violated the law, my proof came after he tried to kill my other son (non-P) and he was arrested (Thank you Jesus!) and I found letters from my P-son to the “hit man.” Still, that wasn’t even enoug proof to get my P-son charged again with another felony. In fact, the “hit man” only spent about 14-5 months in jail/prison for his attempt on my son’s life. The legal system can o nly protect us “so far” and the rest of it we have to do by keeping ourselves safe.
It may be that DJ will have to move to another area and be careful to leave little paper trail that he can follow (I don’t know how savy he is but I only paid $225 to get a life-long biography of my “hit man” including every place he or his father ever lived, their phone numbers, what schools he went to, his neighbor’s names and phone numbers etc.) So it is easy to trace someone if you just pay a little bit of money for a professional to do the leg work on their computer and their private info services. This is the INFORMATION AGE for sure!
If she rents an apartment or house, installs a land line phone, registers a car, etc. in her name HE CAN FIND HER ANYWHERE. If she has a professional license (lawyer, doctor, nurse etc) he can trace that easily enough. So CAUTION is the name of the game, and maybe for a LONG TIME.
Take care and send hugs and prayers to DJ from LF.
Dear OxDrover:
OMG.. SHE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE ANYWHERE THAT HE CANT FIND HER.. unless shes in a witness protection program or something.. DAMN..I didnt think of that..Oh GOD please keep her safe from harm..All I can do is pray for her and keep as safe as i can.. this a-hole hates me as well.. He blames me for everything that has happened,, he blamed me for exploiting her on my space, he blamed me for her guns being stolen.. and he will probably blame me for the robbery too.. but I dont care,, Hell im 1800 miles away..He was served the restraining order papers last nite, he didnt say a word as my fiance walked away.. im sure now he really hates me if he remembered who he was.. he had his face all picked up and tweeking for sure.. I am concerned that this restraining order may not keep him away.. i really hope they arrest him soon.. the cops have not even assigned the robbery to a detective yet,, they have been hounded over and over again, and the court date isnt for a month for the order.. DJ is safe today so far..but knowing he has her guns really scares me..Oxy thanks for the hugs and prayers, and thanks for giving me info on the papertrail,, I didnt realize it was so easy.. now im really worried.. of course i was anyway, but thsi sucks that im so damn far away.. i feel so helpless for her, and I wanna go home so bad..I havent been home for over a month and feel lost out here, been doing meetings alot and trying to keep my head straight and be strong for DJ. it hard to not let my head run ya know. about the what -ifs, shoulda-coulda crap. but today im ok and so is DJ, thanks you guys soooooooooooooooo much. ill try and keep ya posted, but i am very worried to come back on here for DJs sake.. i will be reading whats writen for now..god bless you