A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
I was looking for the right topic to post this under, and stumbled upon the “Why are there so many sociopaths in America” discussion. Apparently it became too heated and had to be shut down.
Pity.
Any how, I have been thinking a lot about conduct disordered children and how Americans cope with them, ’cause I don’t think we’re doing a good job.
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/02/24/Boy_made_threats_before_alleged_homicide/UPI-84031235534486/
There’s this kid who murdered his father’s pregnant fiancée in her sleep. He shot her in the head on his way to school. He then walked to the school bus stop with the woman’s older child. Wow!
I was reading last night about the Columbine shooting. After the fact, FBI psychologists concluded Eric Harris was an incurable psychopath. That’s interesting, because I don’t think they would have dared made that statement if Harris had lived. We tend to stick to the “conduct disordered” child model even when the behavior and attitude are very scary.
My son was bullied horribly by one particular child in school. Other kids were afraid to befriend my son, the abuse was so bad. The kid had an obvious conduct disorder, but this was 3rd grade. The bully had a “right” to “full inclusion”. This basically meant that he could be as awful as he liked. His teacher and his fellow students were his playthings. No one could deprive the Kr. psychopath of his targets. The school policy of enabling conduct disordered children was one of the reasons we started to home school. The percentage of children showing symptoms of conduct disorder was growing as the grades progressed. Same children, but no limits or boundaries, just rationalizations.
What are we thinking? Why are we so naive in our approach to “conduct disorder” in children? This is expensive to society. We’ve got to get more serious about addressing this.
(Over the last few months I’ve come to see that I have a serious personal problem. I’m a nurturer to an extreme degree. My husband points to my fat, happy goldfish “Bratface” as proof of this. Bratface is a very happy, healthy oranda who lives in the kitchen counter in an immaculate over-sized tank with my daughter’s goldfish “Toth”. Bratface gets fed three – four times a day and spoken to as if he was a child. No one in this household minds, ’cause they’re spoiled too. But seriously, I have to STAY AWAY from cluster Bs. Knowing that I’m wrong to do so, I’ll still humor them, coddle them, make excuses for them and generally “enable” their rotten behavior. If I never toughen up, I’m gonna have to stay NC with all cluster Bs for life. )
If I can see that I have a problem, why can’t our nation figure out that we’re hopelessly “codependent” with our conduct disordered child/psychopathic adult population?
Kr. = Jr.
Dear NikNak,
I am not trying to make you”paranoid” or “scare” you or “borrow trouble that may not come” but to make you THINK SAFETY and the possibilities.
Some of these people are more dangerous than others, and it behoves us to keep our wits about us and ACCEPT the danger of one we can SEE is dangerous. I almost couldn’t accept that my son was trying to kill me.
One of the things that went through my mind was “I won’t let that little chit drive me out of MY home”—well, there are times to RUN and times to FIGHT and if you are in a “fair fight, you didn’t make good plans!” I realized I could not protect myself from them and EVER go to sleep. So II chose to finally give “in” and RUN. It worked for me because I was careful, and I realized that my life is more important than my house, my farm, my animals or anything else material that isn’t me.
It took me a long time to get comfortable with being back at home. Even after I moved back home, I didn’t move back into my house for six months, but lived in the RV trailer right beside my house. I called it “sanctuary trauma” (my sanctuary, my safe place, was no longer feeling safe.) I know for some AA members AA is a “sanctuary” and DJ’s and your “sanctuary” of familiar faces at meetings is now violated.
Hopefully this guy will go to prison soon for some thing. He will be using if he isn’t already, and that should give DJ some time to refocus and assess the situation calmly. (You too)
IN MY estimation, the substance abusing psychopath is the most dangerous to life and limb, BUT without any real planning capability and no impulse control, they get caught many times and do go to jail /prison. But few of them, even ones who kill, go to prison for life, so be prepared if needed and keep your eyes open. It is ALWAYS a good idea to be CAUTIOUS, but don’t live in TERROR. I know that is difficult when your adrenaline is running high but you and DJ both, I think, need to continue your healing, and de stress as much as possible (difficult, I know) Try to keep as much of the DRAMA out of your life as possible even under this terrible “drama producing” situation.
The restraining order is a good thing and a first step you must take, but it will NOT stop him, it is only a piece of paper. He has proven that the LAW isn’t going to stop HIM! by his trashing and robbing of her place. As much of a hassle as it is going to be, DJ might ought to consider a LOW PROFILE move to another area from where he lives and take as many precautions as possible. She might consult with the people at a domestic violence shelter about how to keep the “low profile” so he can’t find her through a “paper trail.” It will also be important to not leave a “people” trail either, so she will have to cut off contact with many people she cares about in order not to take a chance he gets information.
The nice thing about cell phones is that you can change numbers easily and call from anywhere and no one knows where you are. Ditto e mails, so she can keep in “contact” with some people in an UNTRACEABLE way as long as she doesn’t give them information about where she is. A name change is also a possibility along with her new living arrangements.
I am assuming that you live in State A and her X in State B where she did live and now she is in State C and he is still in State B. (I hope I have that right) Anyway, don’t answer me here as he might be reading. Hang in NikNak, and give DJ our hugs and tell her we are praying for her as well.
Oxy- I assumed they all live in the same State… and Niks boyfriend is helping out on some level too while she is out of town?? I think Nik is away travelling on business. But I do hope DJ is not living in her place right now! And perhaps she REALLY should change her cell phone number – she doesnt need to be receiving all these calls/texts from him. Just keep hounding the police to follow thru. And document/save all the stuff in the meantime.
Dear Elizabeth,
I agree with your above post about our society to a great extent.
ACCOUNTABILITY for actions is not universal or consistent. Our “politically correct” society has decreed that certain persons (adult and children) are NOT to be held accountable for their behavior.
When I was working at the free standing mental health clinic I had a mother call me about h er ADHD (+conduct disorder) son getting thown out of school, he had thrown a chair at a teacher (he was 13) and she screamed at me “What can you expect out of him, he’s ADHD!” My response was “As a mother who raised an ADHD child, I expect that he refrain from throwing chairs at teachers. He knew that was NOT OK”
Dr. Eric Berne called this the “wooden leg” syndrome…using a “condition” as an EXCUSE for not being accountable for their bad behavior, “What can you expect, I have ____” Fill in the blank.
If you feel that you have a problem with “enabling” then YOU are responsible for changing YOUR behavior, as enabling is as toxic to the enabled as it is to the enabler. It continually keeps you trying to fulfill the responsibilities that belong to others and “kills with kindness.” Making someone else assume their OWN responsibiilties instead of YOU assuming those reponsibilities helps them to grow as well as you growing.
I have also had the same problems with enabling, because I was taught that as a child I was responsible for “everyone else’s happiiness” and to hell with mine! I was responsible for picking up after others, cleaning up their messes, and giving them what they didn’t want to do for themselves.
STOPPING the co-dependent, enabling behavior has been a challenge for me and I did not do it with everything and everyone in my life, just in selected situations. Fortunately, I tried NOT to do it for my kids, but ended up doing it for the P-son anyway by “
I have a suggestion for you Niknak. Tell DJ to get one of those pay as you go cell phones so she has an untraceable number that doesn’t even have to be associated with her name, but keep the cell phone he’s sending the threatening texts to. Maybe your fiance could check the texts and keep a record of them for evidence, but DJ doesn’t need to read them unless there’s some critical pieces of information in them that the police could act on. Restraining Orders generally have an expiration date and she’ll have to present evidence of a continued threat to get it extended.
OPPS–posted mid sentence
“by taking away the consequences of his behavior by telling myself I was “supportive” of his “reform.” Unfortunately, he had NO intention of reforming, just sucking money out of me to make his life in prison more enjoyable and less of a punishment.Yet, I kept the FANTASY of how wonderful life would be when my darling boy came “home” to live a good and productive life. I LIVED IN MY FANTASY similar to how you would live in the fantasy of how you would live if you won the mega-lotto of 100 million dollars! I let so many opportunities for REAL happiness float by and didn’t even see them becasue I was so HUNG UP in how wonderful IT WAS GONNA BE WHEN……
NOW, life is good in the NOW! My life today is REAL. I have REAL happiness TODAY.
I am setting boundaries for everyone in my life, AND I HAVE DONE AWAY WITH THE CLUSTER Bs in my life, ALL of them are OUT of my “circle of trust” and intimate relationships.
That also means some relationships I have had in the past are “no more” because I have SET BOUNDARIES and refused to ENABLE them. They have become habituated to me enabling them so some of them did not take this well, others have just drifted away when the enabling stopped. I DON’T MISS ANY OF THEM. I need a Cluster B in my life, WHY? (head shaking here) Whether it is a gold fish that I have chosen to care for, a goat, a donkey, a cow, or a person, they are responsible for THEIR PART of the bargain! They are NOT allowed to abuse me. PERIOD!
WRT DJ,
Everyone’s resources for self protection are slightly different. DJ needs to talk to a professional who can help her assess what her assets and liabilities are WRT personal security.
What I mean
Assets: Friends, Family, Caring Community, secure home, cash or assets readily convertible to cash, a bolt-hole, martial arts skills, independence, ability and inclination to disappear, will to survive …
Liabilities: job; room mates; dependents; flighty associates; fiscal assets tied up; inflexible credit card habits; learned helplessness, dependent personality; emotional baggage equating to unwillingness to do whatever it takes…
So if you need your job or are unwilling to take a break from your career, disappearing might not be a choice. If you’re unwilling to blow a hole in an intruder with a short barrel shot gun at close range, then don’t bother to buy one. On the other hand, if you have a secure home and a caring, watchful community, you’ll probably be fine.
If you have a piddling waitress job you don’t mind leaving, a rented room in a house full of flighty twits, and a distant cousin in North Dakota who needs childcare, it may be time to disappear. It’s a plus if you’re willing to drive at night, sleep in your car under the surveillance cameras in Walmart parking lots, and not touch a credit card for 6-9 months.
If you have the personality of a stomped rattler, sniper skills and room with a sweet, lovable pit bull named Chainsaw, we’re probably first cousins. Don’t worry, Pappy and Cletus will make sure the body is never found.
Everybody has assets and liabilities. When we’re scared it can take an expert to help us clarify our options. I think it’s time for DJ to have a talk with a private personal security expert. (One confidential, reliable way to find a great personal security consultant is to walk into the town’s oldest independent martial arts studio and respectfully ask to speak to the owner. Then patiently wait on the premises until s/he grants her and interview. Use whoever s/he suggests.)
The silver lining in all of this is that her problem is a Sociopath with a drug problem and no self-discipline. He’s going to foul up. Sooner, rather than later would be my bet.
In response to Elizabeth’s post about our enabling society, society has a problem with balance, we vacillate between extremes because we overcorrect. Society wants a quick fix to any problem. It’s like my dad who will decide it’s cold in his house so he turns the heat up full blast only to be sweating like crazy and turn the air-conditioning on. We have difficulty finding the middle ground. Years of children being harshly disciplined, or abused under the guise of discipline, has led to the PC revolution where people are afraid to attempt any form of discipline for fear they will damage the children. Factor in that no parent wants to admit there is something wrong with their child and you get excuses and rationalizations. We especially don’t want to think that a child could be evil, it goes against the basic beliefs of our society, that children are the epitome of innocence. We can’t reconcile the conflicting evidence so we’re relieved to be able to assign a condition that will excuse the behavior.
The other problem is that society has become very enamored of psychological labels. It can be good when it means problems that were previously ignored are now recognized, but when it is used to enable instead of treat, it’s exactly as Oxy said it’s “using a condition as an excuse for not being accountable for their bad behavior.” We all have limitations, life is not fair, but you either accept your limitations and focus on your strengths, or you hide behind excuses.
As members of society we need to communicate with others that enabling is not ok. The biggest lesson I hope to be able to teach my daughter as she grows up is to take responsibility for her own actions and let others take responsibility for theirs.
Ox Drover,
“It continually keeps you trying to fulfill the responsibilities that belong to others and “kills with kindness.” Making someone else assume their OWN responsibiilties instead of YOU assuming those reponsibilities helps them to grow as well as you growing.”
I’m completely on board with you on this one. If I don’t watch it I’ll mess up my kids. The thing is, I can set boundaries with them. They’re good kids.
Wednesday our 10 YO son woke up at 0300 vomiting. At around 0530 he decided he was going to revert to infantile behavior for the duration of the illness. I watched the attitude change happen, and got a bit nervous. At 0600 he puked all over the sofa he was laying on, the clean cloths he was wearing and the tv remote on his lap. No request for a barf bowl, no desperate charge for the bathroom or kitchen sink. I sent him to the bathroom with instructions to clean himself up and bundle his soiled things. I stripped the sofa cover and threw it in the wash. I threw a clean blanket over the sofa and invited him back to his newly cleaned nest. Then I firmly outlined the duties of a 10 year old patient. I told him what I would do for him, and what he would do for himself and the rest of the family. He agreed without protest and behaved like a model patient for the rest of the day.
The kids are gentle, good natured and cooperative. They’re not like the adult Ns, Ss, Ps or conduct disordered children I’ve dealt with. (Oh yes, I dealt with conduct disordered kids as a martial arts instructor. Hopeful parents thought I could “fix” ’em. NOT!)
My efforts to set boundaries with cluster B adults and conduct disordered children have been pathetic failures. What works on my husband, kids, family and friends is useless on a cluster B. Give a cluster B and inch, and s/he’ll take a mile.
It’s the most natural thing in the world for me to give that inch. It’s what I do. Until I toughen up, I can handle normals, but no cluster Bs.