A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
Oxy…ha..ha….I don’t know how you do it! You psychic? Yeah, I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed”-picture’s still there in the high school yearbook, sittin’ at the top of the stepladder with the female pick.
If they could see me now…
Oh, well. Saturday nights without the daughter here…watched a movie, went to bed, slept 7 hours straight after my meltdown yesterday….
Thanks for the words of wisdom from all last night.
I woke up this morning, shaking my head, laughing at myself.
What an idgit! Re-taking the lessons, same one over and over, til I “get it.”
A new day, a new plan….TOWANDO! Life’s still good.
“I wish I COULD develop some N-ism!”-Oxy
Oxy….here’s an “N” for ya…
Need a vowel…..”O”
Now we have a complete sentence (De Becker)…”NO”…
Always an acceptable answer, no explanation or further negotiation required.
Add another word and we have a paragraph, or volumes of information and wisdom…”CONTACT”.
NO CONTACT…words to live by.
We simple men, or jackasses…need training, not just beat with a skillet til we “pull our load.”
Yea, Jim, we keep having to repeat “remedial” classes until we can DO the practical “lab.” Just KNOWING the THEORY won’t get you out of remedial classes on this one. You have to be able to DO it, and DO it again to pass. This ain’t Kansas any more, Dorthy!
I look back at some of this crap and I actually have to laugh. The DUMBEST woman in my class passed the exam to get her license after we graduated. I made the highest grade ever made in the STATE…her license was as good as mine! And I keep telling myself that the guy who finishes last in his medical school class is STILL DOCTOR So and So. LOL
One of the happiest people I know has an IQ of about 78. Being smart sometimes is a deficit and a disability to “real” success. “VAnity, Vanity, all is vanity.” Plus, being in the top 1 or 2 % of the bell-curve, puts you just as far from the “norm” as being in the bottom 2%.
One of the things I have noticed about THIS BLOG, as opposed to others, is that the group HERE seems to be WELL ABOVE AVERAGE in smarts, education, and insight. (NOT TO MENTION COMPASSION AND CARING) There is almost no flamming going on here (THANKS DONNA!) and people are respectful of each other’s differing opinions.
So we (as LF a group) have more in common, I think, than just having been scammed (once or more times) by a psychopath. The research done on “Women who love psychopaths” and finding the common denominator in them, I think applies to this group as a WHOLE. We are NOT “losers” in terms of our capabilities or even accomplishments in life, but we have a “fatal flaw” in that we ALLOW someone to destroy us. Finding and fixing that “fatal flaw” that leaves us vulnerable to being successfully attacked and destroyed by psychopaths I think needs to be our goal for STAYING free of psychopaths.
I have a PATTERN of destructive encounters with psychopaths, in love, family relationships, and in business etc. and there MUST BE A REASON for this, a “fatal flaw” in my protective defenses that is the “chink in my armor” that lets me be vulnerable to this.
In the past, I have cleaned up the messes they made in my life and “moved on” but I never once found that FATAL FLAW or chinked it. Never stopped up that hole where they could get in. Now, I am working on that FATAL FLAW (and I think there are probably several) so that I stay P-FREE for the rest of my life, BUT NOT ONLY P-FREE, but free of any dysfunctional situation.
Jim,
We were posting over each one! LOL
Beating jackasses is an exercise in futility, it works with horses if you do it right, but NEVER WORKS with asses, as they are too smart and too stubborn to allow you to make them do anything that they think might not be safe. you MUST have patience with them.
Couple of weeks ago when I was riding Fat Ass, we went around a turn in the road and he saw a white board fence and stopped. The little girl riding beside me on her horse asked if I wanted her to cut me a switch to make him go, and I told her “Nope, he’ll go when he decides it’s safe.” I sat there a few seconds or a minute while he sniffed it and watched it, and decided it was safe to go on and he did.
If I had started hitting him, he would have focused on me hitting him, but he WOULD NOT have gone on, and he would not have examined the fence and ever decided it was safe as long as I was distracting him by hitting him. A horse, on the other hand, would have said “Ok, I’ll go” but asses never totally trust their safety to others. THAT IS A GOOD TRAIT. I respect that trait in them. They also NEVER PANIC. A horse may panic and kill itself or you, but AN ASS NEVER PANICS.
That is one reason I like riding the asses over a horse, is I am not nearly as likely to be hurt, thrown, or inured by an ass as a horse, even a good, gentle horse. Plus, they have a nice, smooth, non-jolting ride called a “jack-trot” that is like a good saddle horse. My asses are the size of a medium sized horse, so not as far to fall if I did fall, cheaper and easier to feed etc, plus, I THINK THEY ARE SO DARNED CUTE WITH THEIR HUGE LONG EARS, white riings around their eyes and noses.
If I had a $30,000 horse (some of the ones my pasture renter raises are worth that much) you still couldn’t see just by looking that I was riding a “Rolex” horse, but when you see my Fat Ass going down the road, you can TELL BY LOOKING he is SPECIAL, not just like every other “model” on the road. So I think it is just terminally cute to see the old lady riding the jack ass going down the road like sitting in a rocking chair!
Yep…the FATAL FLAW…rather than using P-damage as an excuse…
Oh well…new plan. Get off here for a while. Gonna take my jewel-hilted rake (reconfigured Prince Charming sword) and clean up my own backyard. Cleansing physical labor, long walk (haven’t done that one for a while), and a good night’s sleep at the end. My day, my way…I don’t think Lovefraud will crumble without me…LOL
Good idea, Jim, I’m gonna do the same thing, temp is rising outside after our annual “Arkansas DAffodil and Snow Tire Festival” and the snow is gone out of the yard and off the flowers. The sun is shining and a good day to bundle up and get outside. I’m solar powered anyway I think, no sun=grouchy!
“I was so much happier in my life before the S” (or so I thought)… the S experience has made me look inward to myself, take stock, be realistic, accountable and responsible for all of my actions and choices. Ive been unhappy frustrated ambivalent having to be on this journey – pissed at the S for what he did – or perhaps I should have a different perception and accept that he somehow added to me having to “expose me, my flaws, my attributes” – to myself and if I rise to and meet the challenge – I just might find real internal happiness and peace with family friends and a partner While he continues to find himself going deeper and deeper in the big dark lonely abyss. (with family, friends and partners eventually exposing him as he creeps along)
Dear Learn-ED the Lesson,
Right on Sister! Now all we have to do is to APPLY what we have learned to our lives! That is the BIG challenge. I think I have Learn–ed the THEORY several times, but never really applied it LONG TERM. I am like a “recovering addict” who knows the “drug” is bad for me, but keep “falling off the wagon” and going back….that is why I think we MUST stay on the “road to Healing”—we need and probably will always need a continual reminder of the damage “falling off the wagon” will do to us.
Heck, I may still here at LF when I am 82 (20 years from now) still riding my jack ass and weilding my skillet! LOL Now ain’t THAT A PICTURE!
Ox said “Heck, I may still here at LF when I am 82 (20 years from now) still riding my jack ass and weilding my skillet! LOL Now ain’t THAT A PICTURE!
FROM YOUR COMPUTER KEY BOARD TO GODS EARS!!!! CANT WAIT TO TAKE THAT PICTURE!!! JEEZ I WAS A LITTLE CONCERNED THAT KINDHEART WAS GOING TO BE THE FIRST TO GET YOU AND YOUR ASS (JACKASS THAT IS) AND YOUR GRANDMAS LARD FILLED, SEASONED SKILLET ON AN AIRPLANE THIS AM- IF SHE HAD ANY ALTERCATION WITH HER S LAST NITE. GLAD SHE DIDNT RUN INTO HIM!!
APPLY WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED, HMMM… IM STILL PUTTING ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER . THE S SCREWED UP MY IDEA OF WHAT RELATIONSHIPS WERE ALL ABOUT. THOUGHT MEETING SOMEONE WHO YOU HIT IT OFF WITH, ARE ATTRACTED TO, SPEND TIME WITH, GET TO KNOW, SHARE STORIES, LAUGH, GROW CLOSER, LAUGH SOME MORE, GO PLACES, DO THINGS WITH, ETC ETC ….WAS HOW ITS SUPPOSE TO BE. AND SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE, ALL OF A SUDDEN BAM…ONE DAY I WAS BEING VERBALLY ABUSED, OR DOING HIM A “FAVOR” CUZ HE LOST HIS JOB OR OUT OF THE BLUE JUST ONE-WAY PLEASING/PLEASURING HIM AND NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON LET ALONE WHAT TO DO.
APPLY WHAT I HAVE LEARNED…. ITS STILL CONFUSING OXY. BUT I THINK ITS THAT WHEN THAT “BAM/WHOA/SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT OR FEELING RIGHT IN MY GUT” IN ANY MOMENT – THAT I STOP. REMOVE MYSELF AND CHANGE DIRECTION WITH THAT PERSON.
HEY! MATT!!
I heard the BEST lawyer Joke I ever heard in my life, had to share it with you!!! I’m still choking from laughing.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? YOUR HONOR!!!!!
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator! (or Governor)
My memory is so short I had to run in here to the computer and log back on to send it to you before I forgot it. Maybe you’ve heard it but I hadn’t and I just about choked. My son heard it on NPR radio “Car Talk” show! He hadn’t heard them either!
Learn-ED the lesson,
Yep it is the APPLICATION part that I am having the problem with and actually AM getting better at that, but bang, I realized last night after I logged off that I STILL DISTRUST MYSELF TO KEEP ME SAFE, to not be snookered in again by another “fast one” holding out a “dream” that I want.
I didn’t realize I was still so UNtrusting of myself on that one, but I am. Kind of an AHA moment there I guess, but the fear calmed down over the night and is just a little “tingle” now, but I am again a bit “hypervigilant” and scanning my environment (internally and externally) for signs of a predator in the vacinity. Ready to bolt and run or stand and fight (whatever is appropriate at the time.)
I was cleaning out some old photo boxes in my de-cluttering project (too cold to work outside) and ran across a bunch of photos that my P-son had sent me to “hold on to for him” since they limit the number of items and the bulk of the items they can have in their cells to keep down clutter. It contained photos of the Trojan Horse P from 1997, the girl my son killed, and others of his friends. Some I knew who they were and h e had told me their names and so on, but others I didn’t know who they were. Maybe that was what stirred it up (the fear/terror) I’m not sure, but something sure did.
I have looked at these photos enough to where I think I would recognize the men, but I do know I am leery of ANY stranger now, like my son D said “most of them are just generic rednecks” and that’s true.
As far as “relationships” go whether it is with my kids or someone else, HONEST, UP FRONT TRUTH is needed. If I need something from someone, I tell them what I need or want, they have a right to say yes or no. The recripocal is also true. Not “playing games” or holding in grudges or irritations is best I think. I’m up front with my sons, and if they are irritable with me, or I think they are, we say “Whoa, let’s discuss this” and take care of it IMMEDIATELY. That is why we DO get along well. No hidden agendas or festering crap. Son C is still a bit hyper vigilant, but VASTLY IMPROVING and some days he is “cranky” but if he reacts cranky to me, we STOP right there and I tell him, “I don’t need cranky”—and we discuss it. Us having all lived under accute stress for a LONG TIME, even with healing and trying there are always going to be “cranky” days, but if we all work on them they are EASILY worked out and resolved with a hug and an “I love you” to everyone’s satisfactions, without grudges being held over til the next day or “accumulated” as Dr. Eric Berne said, “saved like trading stamps to paste into a book to be redeemed for a free tantrum.”
Working on the daily application of the knowledge we have gained is like “working the 12 steps” it is an ongoing process.
Accepting the fact that it will ALWAYS be a “work in progress” rather than a magical destination in which “life is perfect” I think was a big hurdle for me, and I at least realize I will have to KEEP ON WORKING at getting “closer” to healing, but in the meantime, ENJOY THE JOURNEY!