A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
Elizabeth, you said something I think is important:
“If you observe a relatively benign manifestation of cluster B in someone, you should become acutely situationally aware. There are specific ways to get on the bad side of each type. If you do this, you will encounter the “Psychopathic” aspects, even if they’ve never manifested in this person before.”
There are many examples of murderous results from individuals who had “seemingly” normal lives, described as quiet individuals. As I read this article and looked up info on histrionic disorder, it occurred to me that the XS fit that description as well. I also thought he was NPD AND BPD….I’m not sure why I want him to be diagnosed so badly…..
The reality is that he is just a bad, immoral, unethical person, pathalogically lying person whether he has done something “illegal” or not. HE VIOLATED MY LAWS AND I DIDN’T TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY ENOUGH. Friends described him as rotten on the inside and unstable and attention seeking. The reality is that he did things that I did not take seriously enough at the time they were happening….. chasing me down in his vehicle, circling a parking lot when I was having a conversation with a man he didn’t know, following me 50 miles to work, leaving threatening messages at all hours of the night, leaving notes at my home accusing me of having sex with men and left them where my kids found them.
The man wanted to destroy me and looked for all kinds of reasons and excuses and placed blame where he had no reason. It was like his entire belief system was corrupt and changing by the minute….. He was convinced that all he believed about me was true. He still believes all the lies he tells about himself. He is now unemployed and one of the trainers at the gym told me that the XS is telling people he is retired military….. WTF? this guy is nothing good but a good actor.
I guess my point is that all of these things could have easily escalated into something more dangerous. And the drama and lies continue….. and always would have. I am not an expert in psychology, but what I have experienced is bizarre and abusive and I want my life back……. There doesn’t seem to be enough distinction to me, in each of the Cluster B disorders for a confident diagnosis but I do agree they all have potential to be dangerous in many ways. I am grateful to be out of that mix. I do consider myself lucky and smart because I questioned things that his new victim(s) may not, that his x wife did not. It’s sick that I now know more about his past and his affairs and his disgusting lies than even his own wife of 26 years and his family.
keeping_faith:
“I’m not sure why I want him to be diagnosed so badly”..”
For the same reason we all do — we’re all logical people. When we’re faced with a question we don’t know the answer to, we research until we get an answer.
Problem is, we keep trying to impose logical and deductible logic in trying to solve the mystery of these destructive creatures we let into our lives.
I know you already know this, but I’m just responding to your point for the benefit of our new members who are still grappling with this issue.
Fact is folks, none of us are every going to be able to figure out sociopaths. All you can do is accept that you let a severely disordered and destructive person into your life and you’re finally getting him out.
Elizabeth,
One more point that keeps gnawing at me….. in all of the stalking and harassment and false accusations….. HE WAS cheating and lying and screwing other women and being deceitful. He was telling people all these lies about me…..there were so many instances that still haunt me and please just bear with me here because I don’t understand why they STILL haunt me. One instance: he tells me that when he returns from NY after his daughter’s wedding he wants things to change for us and promises to always be there for me, no more running away from issues and how he loves me and thanks me for all my patience and understanding in that he just has to attend this wedding alone…… I found out that he took the trashy x stripper girlfriend…… I STILL don’t understand why….. why put this trashy chick in front of his friends and relatives? Why did he NEED to have someone on his arm at HIS DAUGHTER’s WEDDING? It wasn’t about him. On another occasion he asks me to spend a Saturday afternoon on his boat, then calls me that morning tormenting me for two hours threatening not to take me. I finally told him I’m done and if he isn’t giving me a solid response by 11:00 AM I’m not available. he called at 11:10 and I told him sorry I made plans….. he freaked out, called my cell all afternoon. I later found he took the trashy girlfriend to pick out a car…….
I’m sorry, I know we all have these stories of lies and deceit to tell. Will they ever stop haunting me?
Keeping_faith: GREAT POST. I noticed that they all purposely keep the bad behavior percentages of their personalities out of the equation. They insist people focus on only the positive aspects of themselves and refuse to acknowledge, therefore will not (which continues to never) accept the percentage of their bad persona.
If you do not acknowledge and infraction, the infraction never gets resolved.
Just typical of being selfish.
Peace.
Elizabeth,
As usual you have some interesting posts! The “diagnosis” of BPD I think is sometimes tagged in error on people who are VICTIMS and are under such stress for so long that they start to assume the thinking and behavior of a BPD but are not “really” disordered, but more just “dysfunctional” due to the stress they are under.
The Nazis performed some horrible experiments in psychology and “normal” people were driven to such extremes that they killed their own children. I won’t go into details on this one experiment I read about but it made my blood boil, and also convinced me that under enough stress and pain that ANYONE can do ANYTHING.
In looking back at my own behavior over my life, I realized that under enough stress and pain, I too would strike out at those reaching out a helping hand to me (for details go back and read the article I Wrote on forgiving myself) that “striking out” behavior could certainly be labeled “borderline” behavior.
The people who ARE genuinely PPD (Scot Peterson for example) had a pervasive and long term history of PPD manipulation and behavior though on CASUAL meeting, he appeared “fairl normal”–my guess is that behind closed doors, he was abusing Lacy more than anyone knew.
It was ONLY AFTER my son C’s wife tried to kill him and he was out of the relationship and she was in jail that I found out that she had ABUSED him verbally (and tried to physically) for almost the entire 7 years of their marriage. I knew he was unhappy but didn’t realize he was literally being abused. He kept up as much a cover over it as he could and kept us at enough of a distance and “in the dark” that we didn’t really have an idea of what was going on behind closed doors.
That’s part of the thing sometimes is that the abuse goes on behind closed doors. Maybe he didn’t physically or verbally abuse Lacy, but I bet he was doing something in the way of controling etc. Maybe she didn’t even perceive it as “abuse,” but I am betting it was there. We know he is a pathalogical LIAR and we know what Pathological liars are, and what they are capable of if “threatened.” Lacy’s baby was a “threat” as he perceived it.
Yes, they can escalate into something “more obviously dangerous” quickly, and just because one doesn’t appear to be “physically dangerous” doesn’t mean that they can’t become that way in a HEART BEAT if they are threatened to the core of their mask. Scot is a good example of that.
I think that ANY personality disordered person CAN be “pushed to the limit” if the “injury” to their core is deep enough or traumatic enough. Some are EASY to push, my son and my biological father for example, and others take a bit more to push them. I certainly would NOT have predicted my X-DIL would have been capable of murder, but in retrospect, I should have been more aware of the possibility.
I also knew my mother was an enabler and pretty hard core about it, but I thought she would be “half way reasonable” with PROOF that my P-son tried to have me killed, encouraged the affair my X-DIL was having with the Trojan Horse Psychopath, etc. (shaking head here) but I was the naive one in that mix, and in retrospect, “I should’a’known” she would waffle. Having accepted those TRUTHS (and yes, they pissed me off) I have now freed myself from the denial and the delusions that a personality disordered person (regardless of “what” diagnosis it is) can be dealt with productively in our lives.
Matt,
Thanks, I know you get it…… it just disgusts me. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who was able to say…..”I don’t need to figure it out. I’ts just wrong. I’m done”.
Maybe I’m starting to be that way. Here’s an example: This weekend a guy asked me to go dancing on Friday night. I waited for a call and finally at 4:00 he send a text and says “meet me at ________” It’s a dance club. So I texted and said I’m not interested, maybe I am too traditional for this kind of dating but I don’t go to bars alone but have fun. He was texting for another hour telling me he will do whatever….. SORRY.
Maybe I’m being a snob. Maybe I have learned my lesson. I just don’t think thi is good treatment do you? Another guy called me yesterday and left a message telling me not to call back in case his girlfriend is with him. I told him that the biggest turn on is a gentleman who is trustworthy and shows integrity, so please don’t call me anymore if I can’t call him. Am I wrong here?
I feel like I am starting to weed all the shit out of my life LOL…. Give me a guy perspective MATT. Even if you are a gay man, you are still a man!!!
I meant to write “If you do not acknowledge an infraction” …
Sorry for the typo.
Gillian,
Your ex sounds very much like mine. Expert in the “long con,” and able to fool even the professionals.
I was thinking about some of the very same points you have made as I was driving home the other night. After a chance meeting with an old high school flame, I was thinking about the changes to my own perceptions, post-P. Now, when I think “What a nice person!” or “What a nice thing!” there is the little P-shaped demon sitting on my shoulder, whispering, “But you could be wrong, Tood.” Or “What you are seeing and hearing could be a lie.”
I’ll never be able to trust again like I trusted before. In the long run, of course, this is a better, healthier mindset. But it takes some getting used to, this new suspicion.
I hope we are all able to integrate this new mindset with perfect balance. I guess we are ultimately the only valid judges of what is “just right” and what is “cynical and bitter.”
Keeping_faith: You go girl … kick those ego buttheads to the curb … where they belong.
I am with you on this. An arrogant person will push their infractions right from the beginning … coming right out of the gate. It’s their secret/subtle game they play. If you aren’t savvy to the game, you will not pick it up and you are doomed because you gave away your power in the very first play. You picked up on it. YOU DID NOT GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER!
Keep your head up high … where it belongs.
Peace. You did what was right.
Thanks Wini,
Maybe this is a good sign of the healing process even thought I am still haunted by the bad episodes…… I have become more comfortable being alone and sometimes I prefer it. Now, I prefer it to these bozos who just don’t know how to act like adults, let alone to treat a woman right ! I appreciate the support and almost feel silly that I am asking the questions…..but there are things we just can’t let go of and for me and going forward it’s about how I allow people to treat me!