A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
I know Oxy, Nice is what’s in your heart.
That’s exactly why people think that no abuse is taking place, when in fact it is just happening under the radar.
If I had not been “educated” to “see” spaths by noticing all the subtle cues, I would NEVER have thought anything but very highly of this man. He presents himself as so nice and easy going and generous. It’s only my super spath radar, that noticed the little clues.
The first clue, was when I told him about my exspath being a pedophile and raping 12 year old girls and probably boys too.
His response was a joke: Why are 12-year old girls better than 12-year old boys? Because you can turn them over and you have a 12 year old boy.
My thoughts: WTF?
WTF????? some “Joke”—sky I am not sure this guy isn’t worse than “Just” a narcissist. Maybe you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg.
Sky, and good catch on that not finishing the house thing – do you want to know how many years it took my dad to finish the reno on the house I grew up in? UNTIL THEY FREAKING MOVED. It used to drive me mom crazy. And he built another house – started in 92 – and he has left one significant piece of woodwork undone.
Sky – YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN!!!!!
but seriously, (and yes, i am going to ‘go on’ about this):
one of the reasons we don’t identify our feelings (thinking of dr. diane’s article) is because we are told there are not as they are, that we shouldn’t feel this or that. my only experience of that phrase has been dismissive and gaslighting, and usually said (in my experience) by men to women.
Oh Sky ~ Oxy posted before me here, I was about to say the same thing – real creep with good manners and who knows the little boy might be learning his “manners” from good old Dad. You know, that is not completely “normal” greetings and words for a five year old.
Oxy ~ UNCONDITIONAL LOVE ~ Oh boy that is one I have heard over and over and over.
Exactly, Sky ~ why would she keep coming back if I were an abusive parent ~ why would she leave her child in my care ` exactly what I thought when Casey Anthony told of her father sexually abusing her ~ why would you ever leave your little girl in his home if that were true.
We were probably so far at the other end of the spectrum from a narcissistic parent, we never bought into that “time for me” “when is it my turn” “we need our alone time” crap. We made a decision to have children, we wanted children and realized that along with kids come responsibilities and we were ready to accept them. We went on “family vacations”, we went out to dinner with our kids at nice places and taught them good manners. We gladly sacrificed personal things so we could give them a good life. Ok, enough MiLo
SO: I punched the crap out of the desk this morning and gave myself two horrid gashes on my right hand (my ‘working’ hand) that bled and bled and bled because of all the blood thinners I take.
Has anyone ever had this type of ‘temper-explosive-reaction’ before? I mean, it was like: “SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME DRUGS OR A DRINK!” I was hot (it’s 113f here at the moment); I was tired (the neighbors kept me up most nights this week so far); I don’t feel well AND I am fighting a STUPID POINTLESS SPATH.
(Sigh) I can’t believe what I done to myself! The last time I did this, I trashed my ENTIRE kitchen and stopped when I got to the microwave – I thought I had better not blow THAT up, so, it calmed me down but just about everything else in my kitchen was trashed. Nobody was home but me and it really felt kind of good tearing shit up – releasing that HATRED.
THAT time was just after I hung up on “IT” – after having found out about the ON PURPOSE MURDER ATTEMPT that IT rationalizes as ‘his poor at risk behavior’…whatever! If you truly have issues like that, you won’t be savy enough to pull that card out of your hat! Trust me. Anyways, I am not really sure what precipitated this outburst other than my PTSD and the fact that I haven’t gotten much sleep this week at all AND I have been in back to back, non stop medical testing for going on 3 weeks now and I am just fed up with it. THEN my computer crashed on me this morning which took a couple trips to the store and THAT jerked me off: Within not more than 10 mins from returning from the store, I had to turn right around and go right back there! Their customer service leaves a lot to be desired. That’s all I gotta say!
I found myself sitting here this morning, sobbing my eyes out, realizing that there really isn’t anything anyone can do for me now. I am on my way out the door of life, Ladies and Gentleman….even a heart transplant, at this point is moot. And, that realization in itself and by itself, that’s fine; I can deal with that – what I can’t deal with is this HORRID MONSTER leaving me here to die alone, without any conscious for the ugly things he has done to me and my life. He even said it himself, the last time he proposed to me (after the divorce…he said…hahahaha) How special that made me feel; truly. Especially going through the horrid experiences I have with this man! And, am I truly just suppose to give up and die and let “IT” walk scott free? I really don’t think so. And, if you all truly knew me, you would know that goes against everything I am made of. Not out of vengeance; out of justice. There “IS” a difference.
HE is the true loser in all this because I know “I” at least can feel and love and care. One of my favorite sayings (that I put on my status message now) is: “Value life or it will de-value you.”
It’s true. Anyways, guess my temper got the best of me this morning and I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. That is why I have CHOSEN to live alone and have nobody around me because “I” know what I am and that’s the difference between me and “IT”…I take responsibility for myself and subject nobody else to my torment and ugliness. It isn’t a torment and ugliness that I have chosen for myself but LIFE has conditioned me into being who I am. I CHOOSE to hurt nobody – either emotionally nor physically. There is no excuse nor reason why SPATHS can’t CHOOSE the same things.
Thanks for listening. Today was SUPPOSE TO BE a resting day for me but it hasn’t turned out that way at all. Come tomorrow morning: another doctor appointment. But: you will all be happy to know it’s with a psychiatrist. 🙂
“IT” should be MISSING ME because if “IT” had been here this morning, as the last time – “IT” would have gotten a black eye and THEN hauled off to jail.
Thanks for listening and if anyone has a temper like mine that suddenly flares up like a bad case of herpes, from time to time, please do let me know I am not alone.
Good Evening to you all.
Love ~ Dupity Doo Duh
One,
thanks for explaining that to me. I admit that I can be a bit obtuse about things like that. it helps me when you explain why you say certian things. And now I agree with you.
So instead of “lighten up” I should say…please take my words in the spirit of conversation, not as an attack?
How does that feel? work with me. I want to be better at this.
Oh and about not finishing the house…once I learned about N’s my mind recalled so many things. One of them was a professional woman, 8 months pregnant (I worked with her) who told me her husband wouldn’t finish the kitchen, so she had to bend over the bathtub on her knees and do the dishes. WTF? The kitchen had been in construction for years. She was such a nice woman. Almost every spath I can think of has unfinished remodeling projects – for years.
Dear Dupy,
I’ve never “acted out” like that but I have sure FELT LIKE IT!
Your health problems alone and all the tests and such are enough to make you angry and feel helpless. The feeling that our bodies are letting us down is difficult…I’m coming to grips with that as well. We all have to die sooner or later, but we tend to stay in “denial” with that I think until something makes us realize we are mortal—but when we face the time or “it’s getting close” it is grief and anger provoking.
Read some of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s work with emotional reactions and on death and dying. It has been a great comfort to me. Having worked with countless patients who were dying, knew they were dying, and with my step father, it has helped me come to grips with my own mortality as I am suffering some of the health problems that come with old age and obesity—I’m working on the weight but I know that no matter how much I work on it, I will still NOT hit the “reset button” on my physical age…It is only going to go UP. Sometimes I feel like “it isn’t fair, I’m just now learning HOW to live and it’s almost over!”
But then I realize that THAT IS LIFE, it isn’t a dress rehearsal, it just IS….and I’m gonna enjoy every minute of it I have left. A day, a decade, or more.
Take care of you! (((hugs))) and my prayers.
Thanks ((Ox)) I don’t usually get this pissed off – usually in control. I have only truly been LIKE THIS: to THIS DEGREE since spath; imagine that. He was like a HUGE TRIGGER for me – his stupidity and callousness – he is like a raging animal all the time. I will definitely have to mention this outburst to my shrink tomorrow. This is so unlike me – truly.
I don’t consider it ‘acting out’ as much as I do RELEASING SOME PISSED OFF HATRED! 🙂 It’s well deserved, trust me.
Yah, dealing with your mortality can really do a number on ya, almost like the spath did. I just so hate this curse of him on my life. I swear, if it’s the last thing I do on the face of this earth, I am going to get SO OVER THIS.
And, when I get to where ever it is I go afterwards, I will make sure they all know his name, if they don’t already.
Yah, we all have to die sooner or later but I would prefer it later. What about you? And,I would have preferred going NOT in a state like this! I mean, I CAN handle and deal with my PTSD, just fine – putting him around me is like putting a match to gasoline. And, I really only ever asked common courtesies and respect. Nothing you wouldn’t ordinarily expect from normal people. Oh yes, of course, you don’t expect people to smile in your face and say they love you while secretly they are trying to MURDER YOU.
I can handle my mortality; that’s fine. I am a little weary of all this anyways, at this point – although I won’t hurry it along, I am not afraid of dying – what I AM afraid of is dying in this hell. And, I can directly attribute a lot of it to “IT”.
You take care of yourself too, Dear Ox. We are all we got.
Thanks for the support and encouragement, Ox. xxoo
Dupity Doo Duh
Dear Dupy,
I suggest that you read Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s search for meaning” Ana will testify that it is a life changing book. Frankl wrote the book after he got out of a Nazi prison camp and lost everything he owned and all this family and friends….yet he found meaning in life. That book was my turning point in healing. IN getting control of my life back. It is an older book, but available on Amazon for a few cents and shipping used…it made me see that even though I lost so much, I still have MEANING IN LIFE…however long it is, and I DID WIN, I WILL CONTINUE TO WIN and enjoy life to the last moment.
We can take control and our lives don’t have to be “hell” any more. (((hugs)))