A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
Keeping faith: Thanks for sharing. Sometimes when I am alone with my thoughts I also wonder WTF? How did this happen; why didn’t I see before I gave ten years of my life? It angers me beyond belief the lies that he is telling about me and making me out to be the crazy one! Of course I’m the one with actual proof that none of these things he has said occurred; but still…it really bothers me. I want so much to have a rational conversation with him and have him take responsibility. I had the opportunity meet the mother of his children yesterday. We had a long discussion about him. It was very enlightening. Of course all the things he had told me about her were not true (now I know, then I believed him). She told me that he hasn’t changed a bit; he’s just gotten better with what he does. Now he has moved on to another victim. I actually sent the new woman this link and tried to ‘warn’ her about him. He has already told her I’m the crazy one(this is per his sister when she was still having contact).
I know he believes all the lies he has told about me. And that is just eating me up inside. I want to scream at him “you know I didn’t do any of that”! I have never had this kind of thing happen to me before and don’t know how to get past this. I still cry all the time. I’m still under investigation at my job because of his lies. I’m having to declare bankruptcy now because of going in debt with him (everything was in my name). He promised to help me pay the bills, but we know how that goes.
You say “HE VIOLATED MY LAWS AND I DIDN’T TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY ENOUGH. Friends described him as rotten on the inside and unstable and attention seeking. The reality is that he did things that I did not take seriously enough at the time they were happening” that is exactly what I have also gone thru.
It’s been therapeutic for me to get on this site and blog knowing there are others out there who understand what I’m going thru.
Keeping_faith: IF the red flags go up … they go up.
You are only human … and you have a right to protect yourself.
Just imagine that you were in a plane crash and you were the sole survivor. All the other passengers, perished.
You walk around dazed and confused and anyone you talk to doesn’t really understand what you mean. You feel like everyone almost gets it, but you realize that don’t understand the whole of the situation.
So you walk around … and walk around … wounded and out of sorts with the rest of humanity.
Until, that one day, you meet another survivor of another horrific situation… and that survivor gets you. They understand. It’s unspoken … it’s kinship … it’s like minds.
That’s what LF is all about. IT’s bridging everyone that has endured a horrific experience together.
With that said … of course the average person out in the dating scene isn’t going to get you. You are on another level. There is no turning back. You have to meet another who has gone through the soul searching after dealing with a horrific situation in life. It’s not the same as yours … but, that person will be on the same level as you.
Everyone on here … has to understand this truth.
Peace.
Swehrli, Wini,
Wini, I think you are right…. it’s almost as though life will never look the same to me. I almost want that naivety back again yet I feel like the next man in my life will have to run much deeper. There will have to be PROOF of real meaning not just empty words and empty promises.
Swehrli, I hear you and I feel for you. I hesitate to keep telling the same stories yet as wini said in her post it’s almost like we are the walking wounded and we get it. It’s not that misery loves company. I just get so angry that STOPPING it is out of our control and all we can really do is learn from it and protect ourselves in the future.
The stories are gross. the XS’s X wife of 26 years must have also been through hell and back. I am sure that all he said about her was not true too. He told me she was insane as he now tells people that I am. It is abuse plain and simple. I feel for her too. We have to keep our “laws” in place and not let anyone else violate them!
Indigo,
Good point….so is this why we struggle so much afterwards? Is it the inability to rationalize? is that why they can just walk and not look back except to point finger? They rationalize but their basis is a disturbed belief system. I can’t tell you how many times I asked why????? from the very beginning…… NEVER an answer…..except “because he can”.
Yes, it is so hard to realize that he will never “get it” that I could talk til I’m blue in the face trying to convince him to see my side of what he did to me…and yet, I still feel that need to do that. I won’t though. It’s been five weeks since any contact and I can’t turn back now. I really need to heal from this mess and “move on” as my friends tell me. At this point I cant even ever imagine going on a date let alone trusting another man again. I don’t know how Keeping Faith is doing that. Keeping Faith: How long have you been out of your relationship with the S/P?
swehrli,
First of all……what you are feeling is a source of my constant nightmares about the S. i am so frustrated in my dreams working hard to try to convince him that what he is saying, thinking, feeling is not correct. I wish I could get rid of all of that and maybe then the constant thoughts of all the bad events and bad behavior would end.
I have been out since Oct 2007. It’s over a year. I was in the relationship almost 2 years. If you read “not one thing about him was real” on LF you will understand my story. Not so different than the others.
I go on a lot of first dates, not so much anymore because I am so intolerant of bad behavior. I have met a lot of jerks but have also met some friends even though I don’t date them. I rarely go on a second date but if I do and I’m not feeling for it, it doesn’t seem fair to continue. I look at it this way…… it’s all in the name of having fun and getting to know people. If someone expects too much too soon and it doesn’t feel right to me I will politely tell them but I don’t owe anyone anything. I’m done feeling obligated for any reason.
I dated a guy around Christmas time….he is 34 and we went out four times maybe, I am 48. He told me he loved me on the third date. He owned an air mattress and a table. That’s it. Little by little I find out he has lived in three different countries in the last seven years and has has basically lived with women off and on in all of these places. He is $60,000 in debt and starts hinting around about moving in….. RED FLAG RED FLAG!!! Done.
I am finding more men who are looking for someone stable than they are comfortable in their own stability. But I also have hope and I feel like you don’t know if you don’t try.
I met the S right after I separated from my husband of 22 yrs…..new town, no friends, lonely, sad, vulnerable, horrible messy divorce……here he comes to save the day. AND RAPE MY SOUL AND SPIRIT.
So I look at dating as an opportunity and if it doesnt’ work as date maybe the relationship will become a friendship.
What book, what did I miss?
At one point the XS had about three garbage bags full of stuff that I delivered to a parking lot too !.
LOL…… A few years ago I may have thought this guy was sweet and attentive (and he was) but even in terms of material things (and I don’t want to sound like a snob) he can’t measure up. There is something to be said for a man who is 34 and owns an air mattress and a table….right? He did say to me at one point “you aren’t materialistic are you?” I recall that standing out as a red flag…… for a guy who owns nothing and wants to move into my fully furnished home with a pool after knowing me four weeks…..that’s easy for you to say!!!! It was like he wanted me to feel bad for him and give up something of mine…..that had FRAUD written all over it in his very passive way !
LOL….bring it on. I have a nice spare room with it’s own bathroom. If I can fire the lawn guy you will be worth it !!! I’ll teach you how to put chemicals in the pool in summer 🙂
OMG I am laughing so hard……it hasn’t happened in my pool YET anyway. And not one ear infection since I have been taking care of it !