A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
tobehappy… thank you for writing this. I am bookmarking it…
Oxy,
I see. Yes, I’ve always found the emphasis placed on “biological ties” in this culture (and perhaps in every culture) to be silly and exaggerated. In any case, I’ve never understood the big fuss that people make about simply sharing the same DNA!
Which reminds me. There was an 18th century English Parliamentarian named Lord Chesterfield. He was quite well-known in his day, but is now remembered primarily for his elegant correspondence with his son. At any rate, in what became almost a mannerism, he often ended his letters with something like the following: “I will love you for as long as you remain worthy of my love. –Your Father.”
Well, at first that seemed a bit harsh to me! However, the more I reflect on it, the more I think that Old Man Chesterfield was on to something! And for people on this site like Hens and EB, and many others, we might well say the same thing–only flipped around to apply to the parents!
ElizabethBennett – read tobehappy’s 4:25 post on this thread. it’s a road map that might inspire you.
One, and others here,-Hi,Ive been reading and re-reading the article re Narcissistic Mothers, and light bulbs are popping all over the place.Lots of stuff is coming up,-for instance, my second brother, R, who is unbelievably rude,I now know why he is like this,-what I call the Porcupine syndrome.ie, push people away,-be rude and offensive to them, for fear they will get too close, and hurt you. My Mum sure did a number on my 2 brothers,-the younger one, B, was the”Golden Child;, the one who was the aristocrat, the chosen one, th one who was going to be her shining white knight. The older one, R, was constantly compared unfavourably with B, ,ie, R was the “peasant,” the uncouth one, who took after his Father. My Dad wasa “self made man, a fishermans son who won a scholarship to Edinburgh Uni.When R was a teenager, Mum used to pry into his relationships with girls, often ridiculing him. As a consequence, R learned never to tell her anything, and he emotionally shut down.The “golden Child”is now a 68 year old Narcissist , who uses humour instead of rudeness to keep people at bay.He has never ever been able to face anything in the least bit confrontational or difficult or unpleasant. Head up his own arse syndrome!
So, both my brothers have ben badly hurt by her, but dont seem to be aware of it.I dont think they will ever change, and they have got out of it by making ME the scapegoat, in their eyes.Classic triangulation. Poor old Dad was a victim too, of her rages, incessant nagging her hysterical moods.he never ever confronted her, just retreated to either his shed, or the foot of the garden.But I think it deeply wounded him. Mum used to try to get me on her side, against Dad, who was always made out to be the baddy.So many things in this article resonate, such as Mum “making up” to every boyfriend I took home. My then Fiance broke up with me, telling me he couldnt marry me as he was in love with my Mother.At the time I never blamed her, but now, I see how very manipulative she was, always having to be the beautiful one, the centre of attention.I adored her, but I now see how dangerous she was!!
Sh e was the classic martyr Mother,too. I early on, learned I had to be her helper, her companion, and learned that I was responsible for keeping her happy. An impossible task for a child!Of course, all this made me prime spath bait!
Love,
Mama GemXX
Mama Gem
Yes, isn’t that a fantastic link that skylar provided? I printed the whole thing out and am reading it and rereading it.
My sister was a complete jerk this week – I see the number my mother did on her – she doesn’t – so dysfunctional.
ElizabethB,
You mentioned anger in your post above – I have been taking tennis lessons from a pro, and he tells me that he wins all his games because he gets SO DAMN ANGRY when he plays he just smokes his opponent. That shocked me. I don’t have an angry bone in my body. I couldn’t have sustained anger. My spath used this against me. He’d sleep with other women, rub my nose in it, and I’d sort of numb it out.
When I was young, it was all about my mother, not about me. Her wants, her feelings, her desires, her whatever. I learned to TUNE MYSELF OUT.
Bad idea.
oh bloody hell…..MORE learnin’ to be done! 🙂
nice to read you Gem and where the heck is that link. I identified with so much of what you wrote. MY folks are big onions – so much to say and know about them over different decades. i love and protect my mom – i think now out of genuine concern and love, but i was always meant to be an ext of them both. in her case i was to be supply to dad to – and i have a long history of putting her first (including trips across the country – thousands of miles) to take care of her when she was very ill) as a teen i would have described her as a martyr – and there is no reason i shouldn’t go back to those ‘halcyon’ days and take a look under the hood.
my grandmother has always said that my mom always thought she was better than everyone else (and dad also acting this way). i have thought this was about gm and mom’s relationship, the discord between them and the difference in their nature’s …but maybe not.
and gem, i have an uncle who uses humour like an obnoxious 8 yr old boy. he’s in his 70’s. never been married, and grandma has always said how he could never figure out how to treat people (something that seems to be changing a bit now). he’s VERY rigid, probably compulsive, brilliant and icky. he used to come around when we were little and i thought he was loads of fun, but mom said (if i can believe her on this one) that he was always upset that the kids might mess up his posh cars.
and lizzy – SK last few sentences are good ones for you to contemplate – i think that’s what you will find as you work your way out of drama and begin to rebuild – you will find YOU in that empty space. so cherish it. you complained the other day about being here all this time and still picking Ns. I have been here almost 2 years and i think my work is just beginning.
xo to you all.
QUOTE ONE/JOY:
I have been here almost 2 years and i think my work is just beginning.
Take that sentence and add the number of months, years that you have been here and it is a true story—for ALL of us. Learning about human behavior is a life-time project, and learning about our own family dynamics, and why we are what we are, is also a life time process.
When we first come here (many of us CRAZEEEEEE in pain and grief) we just want the pain to stop. After being here long enough that the WORST of the pain at least gets less, we start peeling that ONION layer by layer and the next layer down may be a bit closer to the center, but it stinks too. LOL
We have focused on the source of the pain as the psychopath at first (and the immediate pain is caused by him/her) but the continuation of our pain and poor choices depends on US and we have to learn how to live IN BALANCE. Caring for ourselves, meeting our own needs, setting boundaries, staying away from toxic people, and forming good relationships with good people.
re: the article on N mothers…
Oh, dear God. #4, 5 and 6 really jumped out at me, as did some others further down the list. I have to say, my mother really seems to be trying in the last few years to heal her own pain and I can see some improvements, but I think I’m also better at drawing boundaries. Things are okay right now, but I’m always waiting for the bomb to go off, so to speak.
She went back to school a few years ago and got a degree in Psychology. My father’s comment (from prison – again, a whole ‘nother craptastic story) was, “Great, now her knife is dipped in jalapeno juice!”
Maybe I missed it, but I didn’t see anything about what my brother and I call “the freeze out.” That one’s always fun.
sarah – where’s the article or link to it?
One Joy,
http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html