A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
I would imagine someone in a panic in the water could be a danger to you as well…… so you can relate to the Navy SEAL XS/P I dated? LOL NOT!!!
Dear Keeping Faith,
“I’m not sure why I want him to be diagnosed so badly”..
The reality is that he is just a bad, immoral, unethical person, pathalogically lying person whether he has done something “illegal” or not. HE VIOLATED MY LAWS AND I DIDN’T TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY ENOUGH. Friends described him as rotten on the inside and unstable and attention seeking..”
There were several months of dealing with the N when I was desperate for an explanation as to what on earth was going on! When I stumbled on the answer by reading anything and everything I could find on abnormal behavior, I became equally desperate for validation of my assessment from someone, anyone! His behavior and that of his cronies was crazy-making, and I was desperate to know I wasn’t crazy.
I really get it about wanting a diagnosis, and wanting someone else to provide it. Boy, that would be so validating! Trouble is, I don’t think many of us are going to get that.
You’re friends say he’s a real loser. Go with that! That’s probably the best validation you’re going to get in this case.
Blessings!
Dear Keeping faith,
Where are you meeting these “first dates?” that never seem to go anywhere?
Maybe you might try looking in another place for dates. You might not have as MANY first dates, but there might be a chance they might be more second dates. Obviously the place you are finding these guys doesn’t weed them out real well.
Yea, the old “I love you, let me move in with my grocery sack of possessions and we will be so happy in your place, I really do love you” PLOY! ha ha ha ha ha
I haven’t had ANY dates in a couple of years, but at the same time haven’t been looking since I broke up with my X-BF the P, though I hang around places to meet guys that I COULD have had an invitation for a “date” but wasn’t even interested enough to even allow them to ASK me, when it got to where they were talking like they might ask, I let them know I wasn’t interested (in them at least) LOL Most of the guys I know, even the “nice guys” have something about their lifestyle that I can see from the GET GO I would not want to get involved with—lack of good money management, kids or grandkids still at home, etc. The nicest guy I have met lately is a really sharp, nice looking black guy who is about my age. I even think he was “interested” but because of the area I live in, he would be “tossed out” of the black community and I would be “tossed out” of the white community, it would be as “bad or worse” than coming out as “gay” as far as the way folks would treat us…and while he seems like a really really nice, guy with a lifestyle I could handle, I am just not ready to buck the trends here in this part of the world for anyone. I just couldn’t handle the stress it would produce. My sons would back me if I really loved him, but knowing what would be there eventually down the road in the way of stress etc. I just can’t allow myself to get into the position OF loving him.
Just like my college guy buddy that I pal around with, NICE guy, but has 2 kids at home, doesn’t manage his money in a way that I could “live with” and his house looks like a storage locker and his yard looks like a salvage yard. I couldn’t handle that at all. Plus, I totally disagree with his “parenting style” which is more about being “buddies” with his kids than guiding them. (Unsupervised and unlimited access to the internet for his 13 yr old who has already been into the really rank porn on the net) etc. So I can see that a relationship would never work with him though our FRIENDSHIP is great and we enjoy each other’s company and going places together. I wish I could have a relationshp with him because he would never abuse me or cheat on me and would “treasure” me, but our life styles and our philosophies on some critical things are just too far apart. There are too many “deal breakers” involved.
When you are younger there don’t seem to be so many “deal breakers” involved with picking someone to date, but when you are a “mature adult” (anything over 30 at least) and you have established a life style etc. have kids, maybe a house, etc. there are more deal breakers or at least it seems so to me.
I actually sat down and made a list of “deal breakers” and it sort of opened my eyes.
I also made a list of “requirements” and that too opened my eyes. At 62 I’m not likely to find someone with ALL the “requirements” of list two and NONE of the deal breakers on list one. LOL I am not going to “lower my standards” because I do know that if I had a relationship with someone who had ANY of the deal breakers, the relationship would deteriorate into a bad situation before long.
I’m not “into money” or “status” either, but at the same time a man who is around my age who has been such a “rolling stone” that he has GATHERED NO MOSS and is looking for a place to lay his head to be provided for me, or is still supporting pre-school kids from his 4th or 5th wife, isn’t going to “work out” with me. I’m not looking for a “fixer up” project at this point in life! LOL
Elizabeth,
You made me laugh really…… “You’re friends say he’s a real loser. Go with that!”
I should have listened to a few of my friends who questioned several things about him early on.
I guess I didn’t look at it in terms of the validation, but I would not have learned as much as I did if he didn’t try to convince me that I had BPD. He learned this by the way when he went to one counseling session. he and his counselor diagnosed me!! That’s why I started reading….can you believe it? Thinking well maybe there is something wrong with me? And damn it I’m gonna fix it if there is!!!
Truly, I have gotten validation from therapy and people like you on this site who “get it”. I guess we are all crazy in our own way. I like my crazy better! Mine doesn’t leave a trail of hurt, abused, abandoned people.
Oxy,
Thanks for validating a few things for me and for wanting me to look in some better places for quality. I met my loser dates that go nowhere in a variety of places…..the last few were through friends. (the 34 yr old). Here is a funny one. I may have told you about the friend who introduced me to a guy and told me he was an optalmologist but he is really an unemployed optician..> LOL. I was already on the date when I learned this!
The guy from Friday I met at the same dance club where he wanted to meet me last Friday. Very professional guy……but he’s lazy. He didn’t want to drive a few extra miles to get me. He wanted me to make the date easy for him. The other guy I met through a friend. I gave him my number, then he tells me he has a girlfriend. I tried online dating but that’s like fast food and they are not usually what they seem in photos.
Honestly, I am not even looking. I have just been trying to do some different things, dance lessons, art museum events, to meet different people, not necessarily dates. I need to SCREEN them better. That’s the problem.
I am only divorced two years. This chaos with the XS happened in the midst of my divorce and I had not dated in 24 years! I needed time to recover from my divorce let alone this sociopath. So I just want to broaden my self right now and not look at the people I meet as a potential husband. I got burned by my x husband. he too wanted to be “taken care of” financially. I’m over it. If someone gives me an indication that they are looking for a support system they are out. I’m good at it but I don’t want to. At least not right now.
Wana cause panic at a public pool ?
Pack a fistful of powdered lemonade mix in your kid’s swim diapers.
Where do I get these ideas? OK, I admit it. I spend the whole day, every day with a 10 year old boy. I’ve learned every toilet humor joke and rude noise germane to 4th grade.
Elizabeth Conley: Regarding diagnosis — I worked for a woman who told me she had been diagnosed BPD. I took that into consideration as I watched her behavior. Eight months of progressive hell later, she dropped the mask. PPD, pure and simple. Controlling, manipulative, lying, dissociating, gleeful over causing other people pain, grandiose, did I mention lying?, complete disregard for other people’s feelings, property, or her obligations in business . . . a screaming delight in making other people squirm, her own grandchild included.
But it took some time of watching to fit the behaviors together. I’m sure a therapist might well have diagnosed her BPD. She “played” at “best friends” almost instantly, and kept it up as long as my resume and qualifications served her other agendas, but she continually abused me, knowing I had few options at the time.
I’m skeptical of those statistics you quoted above, just because I think Borderline can look like other things, and psychopathy, well masked, can look like totally normal.
As to your crazy Marine, I also have room in my heart for the fringe element, if I also see that their hearts and their moral compasses are intact.
Wow Rune,
Your BPD run in was awful. She sounds like her other car was a broom.
What you’re describing sounds classic. I have known some heartbroken men who’ve described similar scenarios, only romantic in nature.
The lady I personally knew was someone I grew up with. We were tight. She wasn’t perfect, but none of us are. She was and is one of the most ethical people I know, as well as one of the most intelligent. She went through a living hell of emotional illness for years. It crippled her from the age of 15 to the age of 40. I was so glad when she finally got the right treatment and the right medication, I cried with relief for her.
She was a difficult patient, in that she was very, very sad and experienced severe disruptions to her sleep patterns. She simply didn’t get well, no matter what anyone tried. I guess that explains the BPD diagnosis, but it was a godsend when they finally found a drug that set her free from sadness and let her sleep at night.
EC: This so-called “BPD” acted out like the absolute classic psychopath — except I had absolutely no emotional connection with her. From an educational standpoint, I learned a lot about how a P looks in female form, acting out her disorder in a context other than a romantic relationship. The experience allows me greater insight as I look at my own life, and at the situations others describe here on the LF site.
From a personal standpoint, that was months of work, no pay, and the last straw in my effort to resist homelessness. She was quite the follow-up to the romantic/financial con of the S/P I had been involved with for 18 months.