A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
I have done business with these people and seen them “give the business TO others” and frankly, any contact with a P is going to end up in the end biting you in the butt.
I’ve had them as bosses, as family members, as neighbors, as business associates….sometimes I was warned before hand, sometimes I had to find out for myself. It has ALWAYS ended badly.
Now, I listen to warnings and “stories” of how someone has “ripped off” another person financially, emotionally, or how they have REPEATEDLY cheated on their obligations to others (whether it is spousal or otherwise) I WATCH and observe how they treat others, how they act to people below them, waiters adn waitresses, how demanding they are, how arrogant, and lookk for the “honeymooning” with me or others.
I am no longer so trusting and “hoping for the best.” People EARN my trust now, no one gets it as a GIFT.
If I get a new horse and the previous owner says “watch her, she kicks” I am not going to get close enough to find out first hand. If the previous owner says “she’s never kicked” I am STILL not going to get up and put my head between her back legs and give her a chance. I’m going to observe her body language and her general attitude before I am ever close enough that she can nail me, and THE FIRST TIME SHE EVEN TRIES TO NAIL ME OUT OF MALICE, she gets a 30.30 slug right between the eyes. Unfortunately, you can’t put a P out of everyone else’s misery, but you can GET THE HECK AWAY FROM THEM.
As far as “labels are concerned” with psychiatric diagnoses, there is a lot of inter-rater error and disagreement between practitioners….so “take that into consideration” when someone is labeled a BPD (or any other disorder) and don’t assume they aren’t a P, they could be both, or neither.
Oxy: I believe that one difficulty is that once we are traumatized to a certain level, we become easy pickins for the “little Ps.” One of our community said that she was resisting the “knight on a white horse,” but is barely getting by. I think this element is one reason that some of us have been traumatized by a series of S/Ps. I’m not saying I have a solution. I just believe we should observe this, and note that we are particularly vulnerable post-S/P, and we really don’t have a safety net, or a safe zone, that we can retreat to while we work on healing.
If I could, I’d crawl under the front porch, so to speak, and lick my wounds until I felt like coming back out. We don’t have that in this society today. Our LF community is perhaps the closest.
Dear Rune,
You are right, even an old dog when it is sick crawls under the porch and stays there licking the wounds until he feels able to get out and chase rabbits again.
Fortunately for me, after my husband’s traumatic death, I was able to retire from my job and not go hungry. I took a terrible financial hit by doing so but I was NOT able to work, and I KNEW IT. I was not safe to take the lives of my patients into my hands….plus, it was more stress than I could tolerate. I talked it over with my psychiatrist and she thought I should quit as well and retire. My short term memory is still swiss cheese….so in a way I WAS able to “crawl under the porch.”
Unfortunately for me, the Ps were waiting there like hungry fleas to attack me when I was sickest and weakest, and then the poison snake bit me under the porch.
I am still very careful who I let into my “hole in the ground” and have banished those from my environment who irritate or trouble me. My farm is again my SANCTUARY, though I still keep a vigilent watch out since the Trojan HOrse Psychopath is out on parole.
Here lately, my sons and I are getting out more (weather permitting) and doing some things that are productive as well as doing more recreational things. We are finishing up breaking my Jackasses to ride and drive, going horseback riding, hanging out with some interesting and fun people in the “horsey set” and having a few people over for casual dinners here at the house. There is laughter here now and peace and calm, as well as interesting things to do, but the stress level is VERY low because I have made sure that I am CAREFUL who I let into my environment.
I am also being very good to myself now, and taking care of ME. Things that would have sent me into a tail spin for weeks now are hardly a blip on the radar screen any more and are soon over with. Things that “just happen” (flat tires, broken dishes, spilled milk) are no problem at all….they just are…and I clean up the mess and dont’ give it another thought. I still procrastinate on things from time to time, and let the dishes pile up on sunny days, but the health department hasn’t closed me down yet, and no one has complained about it, so I guess it is okay to go outside and “play” on a sunny day if I want to. So I do.
It’s a whole “nuther” way of looking at life…wish I had started it 40 years ago! LOL
Thank you for the article from Behav. Sci. Law. My ex is most definitely a sociopath. Luckily after two sessions with a marriage counselor, she caught on and told me in no uncertain terms to end my 20 year marriage, stating my ex was “all smoke and mirrors.”
His family has a history of schizophrenia. One thought of mine, based on his behaviors, is that along with ASPD he may suffer from bi-polar disorder. His pattern of sex addiction, poor impulse control, physical violence, obsessive/compulsive exercise, alcoholism and hypothyroidism; something that has been linked to bi-polar in recent research, fit some of the attributes of a BiPD person.
Whatever the diagnosis, it has been almost two years since he disappeared. He has effectively used the legal system to continue harassing me. He’s a master at convincing unsuspecting people, such as his boss, co-workers and new partners that I’m the “crazy bitch” from whom he had to flee…or, as his attorney wrote in one legal document, his client had to flea …just makes me feel itchy all over LOL
The article affirmed there was absolutely nothing I did or could have done to save a marriage that, deep down, I knew was a sham. My only regret is that I should have left while dating the S….all the signs were there. I chose to ignore them and rationalized his bad behavior. That was 24 years ago.
In 2003 my ex gave me Herpes ….. I had no idea what was going on. He assured me he had never been unfaithful. He was always home in the evenings after his bike rides and had been my only partner since we first dated in 1985. My assumption was my new “problem” was a symptom of menopause.
He was obviously having unprotected sex (DUH!) and I thank God he didn’t give me HIV/AIDS. There were no “affairs,” just one partner after another. Because I believed my ex, I waited four years after acquiring Herpes to get tested for STD’S. In future relationships, having tests for STD’s will become a part of my annual exam routine. Never again will my life be entrusted to another person.
In 2004, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Even then, the S didn’t have the courage to tell me the truth about his cheating, something my docs may have wanted to know. Had they known, I’m sure they would have tested me for STD’s prior to my mastectomy. Talk about cold and callous…… he even convinced my surgeons he was devastated. Yea right, his wife was losing a breast… one of his favorite titillating body parts. Cancer, as long as it wasn’t his diagnosis, was no big deal. He never once accompanied me to my oncology appointments.
His antics during and following our divorce last January, have been well-orchestrated efforts to keep his sex addictions, alcoholism, callousness and pathological lies a secret. Even his employer (a city in Michigan) has been conned into his game. While he spends hours at work looking at porn, leaves his job to meet up with sex partners, and has paid accounts to numerous adult sex sites under his work email account, his employer has assisted him in harassing me…….. he has convinced them that I’m “crazy.”
As an aside, this past Monday, because of the City’s actions against me, the FBI met with me to review all the data I was able to acquire supporting my claims that this City’s public officials have colluded to protect my ex from suffering any legal consequences for his past actions. In July, he implicated me in a false crime report that he filed with his employer’s police department. They investigated the complaint; in my opinion a definite conflict of interests. My ex accused me of “stalking” his home.
I was never charged (I was home in bed and luckily had a house guest) and the case was closed. However, he received a restraining order against me for six months even tho’, according to the police report, he was informed PRIOR to petitioning the court, that I was not a suspect. His attorney, this City’s Prosecuting Attorney, filed the Petition in the wrong Circuit, using a false address for my ex. The attorney, a close associate of the judge in this Circuit, knew the judge would grant the Petition, and he did. Lesson learned…life ain’t fair!
I’ve made numerous attempts to inform my ex’s boss, the City Manager, of the truth. Rather than listening to me and taking action the CM, the Chief of Police and the City Attorney have colluded to protect my ex from suffering consequences for his bad behaviors at work. In my opinion, they may also be engaging in behaviors that most people would consider unethical, immoral and/or illegal while being paid with tax payer dollars! What’s new 😉
I’m beginning to think that many employees in law enforcement and our JUSTICE (ROTFL) system suffer from ASPD, N, BPD or BiPD. The symptoms of these illnesses fit the job requirements of the respective professions.
Do you have articles and/or research discussing the percentage of law enforcement and justice officials who have been diagnosed or are suspected to have one of these illnesses. That information would be quite helpful for those of us divorcing or considering a divorce from a person suffering from S, N, BiPD or BPD.
New Life,
“I’m beginning to think that many employees in law enforcement and our JUSTICE (ROTFL) system suffer from ASPD, N, BPD or BiPD. The symptoms of these illnesses fit the job requirements…”
In short, I agree.
However, I don’t think we can make sweeping judgments about a dupe’s character based on his/her behavior while under the influence of an N/P/S. N/P/Ss are experts at setting mobbing into motion through various ruses.
More about “mobbing”:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mobbing
Right now “mobbing” is used to describe a workplace phenomenon. I don’t have another word to use for circumstances when it occurs away from the workplace, so I use “mobbing”.
Dupes are behaving badly because they’ve been convinced the target is a “bad person” who should be “punished”. Dupes are normal people. In fact, dupes are more normal than the cagey minority that manages to avoid being sucked in to the cluster B’s game plan.
When we’re actually being mobbed, it’s natural to feel that all the dupes are ethically bankrupt. I felt really hostile at that time in my life. It was all I could do not to give each and every one of them a piece of my mind. Fortunately, I realized I didn’t have much of my mind left, so I refrained!
This is a good place to vent. If you vent on a dupe, it will only confirm their delusions.
As I stated at first, I do believe that people with sociopathic tendencies are attracted to police work and prison guard positions. As for Judges and the like, I suspect there’s a problem with narcissism, at the very least.
The farther the rest of us stay from the “Justice System”, the better off we’ll be. Sure, sometimes we have to report a crime, sue or defend ourselves. That’s unfortunate. Whenever the option to steer clear is presented, I’d take it.
New Life,
http://www.kersplebedeb.com/mystuff/police/batterers.html
It occurred to me that it would be hard to convince our culture to screen our police officers for sociopathy. I doubted we could find direct statistics on the percentage of police officers who were indeed sociopaths.
Then I realized that there were probably statistics on the percentage of law enforcement officers who battered their spouses. Since somewhere around 50 % of people who commit spousal battery are Sociopaths, (depending on who crunches the numbers) we can extrapolate a “ball park” number from the two statistics. There are many good reasons why this number would not be reliable. It would only be a justification for more in depth research.
Any how, that’s the gist of my early thoughts on the question.
Both my father and my ex made it a point throughout their lives to befriend cops and law enforcement types. They got along famously.
Obviously, if you’re the sort to habitually break laws or just walk that razor’s edge between legal/illegal, it comes in handy to have a cop on your buddy list.
And I would imagine all the power that is inherent to the profession would be a huge draw to S/Ps. I’m sure law enforcement is as eaten up with these disordered creatures as is politics.
GASLIGHTING, or as I call it, crazymaking…denying he said something, or denying he said those words, or said it that way. Denying things happened on a certain day and insisting it happened some other day, even though I kept a journal which documented most stuff. When I told him I had stuff written down he stated that it was only “one side of the story”, when in fact we were talking about something that was an occurance – not an interpretation or feeling.
“What did I just say?” he said after following me to the basement where I had tried to get away one night. I was so upset and confused from the circular arguing that I couldn’t remember what he had just said. “See?” he sneered at me, half-smiling “You don’t even know what you’re talking about!” I’ll never forget the look of disgust on his face.
EXAGGERATING – Something that took, or occurred, over a five minute period became hours when he ranted. He exaggerated things or blew them out of proportion, all to justify his rage. If I asked him something or wanted clarification to understand, I was accused of not letting it go, having attitude, or going on about it for “hours”. Oddly, I was also accused of having attitude if I refused to argue with him.
His daughter had a large blister on the inside of her heel from playing soccer on Monday night in her new cleats (which HE had bought too large). I had put a band-aid on it each morning so she could wear her shoes to school. It was now Thursday night and even though he had gotten off work at 3:15, he didn’t get home until after 6:30. His daughter had asked me to hold dinner because she wanted to eat with her dad. He came home, surely having had a few beers already, and had two more. He was angry (his lips were pinched, white, and thin) and didn’t want to eat yet. He begrudgingly sat down with us, but only because I told him she wanted to eat with him.
Well, he saw the band-aid and started yelling at his daughter at the table, and continued to do so for almost a half hour (maybe more) – all the way through dinner…”You’re gonna play on Sunday, and you’re playing the WHOLE game. I don’t care how much it hurts!” The poor girl had been crying the whole time. He went on, “You have a game this weekend and you’ve had that band-aid on for five days now!”
I had already asked that he keep the debate until after dinner – a couple of times. When he said “five days”, I finally stood up for her and said, “It’s only been three days.”
“That’s it! You’re out of here at the end of the month.” He yelled at me right in front of her.
On a “funnier” note, I just visited the Facebook page titled “Sociopaths Unite” and found a couple of interesting comments:
“Has anyone noticed that there is a significant number of groups that have been founded by angry women that claim to have dated and been hurt by a sociopathic man?
Arrogant, can’t keep promises, lies to your face to get what they want from you, impulsive and irrational.
Yeah, surprise surprise, you aren’t dating a sociopath; you are dating an ordinary male.”
and,
“I have Antisocial Personality Disorder!
No I don’t. I’m lying.”
Interesting, in the first paragraph of the first quote, reference is made to the women who have been hurt by “sociopathic men”, and goes on to describe themselves as “ordinary males”
“Ordinary MALE” – certainly not a MAN.
Gaslighting is an attempt to reorganize our entire schema to accommodate certain well selected lies the N/P/S wants accepted without question.
Let’s say he’s started withdrawing money from ATMs that doesn’t fit into your joint budget. Quietly of course. Then he starts to behave as if you are absent minded. Suddenly he pretends you can never keep track of your keys, socks, hair pins…etc. Furthermore, it seems like the mail, which contains account summaries along with bills and junk, just can’t be found much of the time. This is your fault, of course. Your ATM card can’t be found. (Silly you, where did you put it this time Sweetie?”)
Gaslighting makes you crazy. He just wants to hide a 40 $ withdrawal here and an 80$ withdrawal there, but he concocts an elaborate reorganization of your reality to cover his behavior.
My husband would never dream of doing this, he’s definitely not cluster B. I’ve been gaslighted by bosses and fellow volunteers a few times, that’s how I learned the pattern. It takes a while to figure out what they’re actually trying to hide. In the last ministry position I worked with someone who would not cooperate with any of my efforts to keep files or organize the information I shared with him. I came to realize that he did this because he was disorganized, but wanted to pretend everything that slipped through the cracks was my fault. This was kinda goofy, ’cause I knew he was absent minded, and would have covered for him gladly if he’d been cooperative.
Frankly, I don’t care any more. The next time I detect any kind of gaslighting, I’m leaving. I suspected gaslighting in someone a few weeks ago, and I told the head of the ministry concerned that I would not work with the lady. Fortunately the head of the ministry had been on the receiving end of the lady’s gaslighting too. She respected my position.
I think the earlier gaslighting is detected and shut down, the less harmful it is. We should nip it in the bud, even if it means saying goodbye three minutes after we said hello!
Let an N/P/S gaslight for a few days, a few weeks, a few months or a few years, and we probably won’t be able to repair our reputations, even if we manage to repair our shattered minds.