A sociopath is someone who has a pervasive and persistent disregard for the rights and feelings of others. This disregard is manifested in the antisocial behavior sociopaths show. While we usually think of antisocial behavior as criminal, not all antisocial acts are illegal. A person who slips up once is not a sociopath. Sociopathy is a lifestyle.
Since humans are designed to live in society, a healthy personality has prosocial inclinations. Therefore, people who are pervasively antisocial are disordered in the sense that they are not the norm (thank God). Although antisocial behaviors are observable actions like lying, stealing and assault, there are personality traits that cause antisocial behavior. It should come as no surprise that people who have a sense of entitlement, over-rate their own greatness and have poor self-control are more likely to hurt others and show pervasive antisocial behavior.
The American Psychiatric Association has defined a group of personality disorders it calls “cluster B”. According to a recent paper* by German psychiatrist, Christian Huchzermeier, M.D., “ The cluster includes disturbances of personality that go hand in hand with emotional dysregulation phenomena, a tendency towards aggressive—impulsive loss of control, egoistic exploitation of interpersonal relationships, and a tendency to overestimate one’s own importance.”
The disorders of “cluster B” go together because what underlies them is a disturbance in three developmentally acquired abilities I have called The Inner Triangle. These abilities are:
Ability to Love
Impulse Control
Moral Reasoning
These abilities that a child gains during development are a triangle because the development of each depends on the other two. A child begins to acquire ability to love in the first year of life, impulse control begins in the second year of life. At two years of age there is already a link between ability to love and impulse control. Children with the best impulse control also are the most loving/empathetic. Moral reasoning begins in the third year of life and its development depends on a loving nature and impulse control. Similarly the most moral kids are also the most loving and self-controlled.
I think of the cluster B disorders as different manifestations of damage to the inner triangle. I think of sociopaths as individuals who completely lack ability to love and have impaired impulse control and moral reasoning.
Given the Inner Triangle, it should come as no surprise that it can be difficult to find people who have only one cluster B personality disorder. For that reason individuals with antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, borderline personality and histrionic personality often have symptoms of the other disorders. If someone gets a diagnosis of only one of these, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t also have one or all of the others. The person making the diagnosis simply thought that the one chosen best described the person. You should know there is a gender bias in diagnosis such that women are often labeled “borderline.” These women can also be sociopaths who leave a trail of victimized friends, lovers and children in their wakes.
A recent study reported in Behavioral Science and the Law, “The Relationship Between DSM-IV Cluster B Personality Disorders and Psychopathy According to Hare’s Criteria: Clarification and Resolution of Previous Contradictions” examines the relationship between psychopathic personality traits as defined by the screening version of the PCL and Cluster B personality disorders. The authors of this study were careful to examine people who had only one cluster B disorder. They found psychopathy to be associated with all cluster B disorders.
The authors conclude:
“One clinical implication of our results, nevertheless, is that in cases where a cluster B personality disorder is diagnosed a high psychopathy value is to be expected, especially where antisocial, borderline or narcissistic personality disorder is involved. The PCL score is a better predictor of subsequent events, such as problems during (criminal) custody or a relapse into delinquency, than a diagnosis of a DSM-IV personality disorder, especially in forensic populations; therefore, an additional investigation with the PCL should be carried out, if a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed.”
It is important for Lovefraud readers to be aware of this study especially if there is a divorce/custody proceeding or a cluster B personality disorder has been diagnosed. Many people might think that if the partner has been “diagnosed borderline” or “diagnosed narcissistic” that means the partner is not a psychopath/sociopath. This study suggests otherwise. IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS THESE YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THEIR HARMFUL BEHAVIOR AS AN INDICATION OF PSYCHOPATHY/SOCIOPATHY. There are some people with cluster B, histrionic, borderline and narcissistic disorders who are not highly antisocial. But if the person is lying, cheating and manipulating, that is antisocial behavior. This behavior in the context of any cluster B means the person is potentially very dangerous. As the authors state:
“Screening for PCL-based psychopathy can also be important for general psychiatric patients with a DSM-IV personality disorder, so that potential difficulties in the course of their treatment can be anticipated and this comorbidity can be targeted in the planning of therapy. Patients with both a DSM-IV personality disorder and PCL-based psychopathy can exhibit behavior that is particularly dangerous to therapy (Stafford & Cornell, 2003).”
If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality and reading this frightens you, I am sorry. You can improve by working on your inner triangle. Talk to your therapist about DBT a treatment that is very effective in improving the state of the Inner Triangle in people who are motivated to do it.
*The reference for the paper discussed is Behav. Sci. Law 25: 901—911 (2007).
To all of you people who have written back to DJ here.. this girl is my complete DEAREST BEST friend in the whole world.. she has gone through literal hell with this guy. he bashes her, puts her down, texts her 100 times a day.”what are you doing? where are you? are you talking to any guys? you better answer my calls..”believe me he is absolutely horrible.. ive never met a man like that EVER.. he is so twisted and so manipulitive.. and puts on such a great remorse act, and then once he has her back.. he kicks her to the ground. now mind you shes only 100 pounds.. and he stalks her, breaks into her house, steals her stuff, and makes it like its her, thats gone crazy as to where she misplaced her stuff..he exploits her, calls her names, tells her to grow up, and believe me he has put her into an institution over all of this. we are in AA program together, we have a god in our life, but shes so fragile that ive been scared that she will crack. THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE RESPONDED TO HER TO HELP HER, SHE NEEDS TO HEAR WHAT ALL OF YOU HAVE TO SAY TO HER TO HELP HER GET THROUGH THIS.. this is going to be very hard for her.. but between us and her higher power, she will get thru this. i pray for her safety every day. and you guys are getting thru to her.. KEEP UP THE FANTASTIC WORK GUYS.. SHE NEEDS IT,, SHES MY BEST FRIEND AND WE NEED TO SAVE HER SOME HOW. 🙂 THANK YOU ALL..
DJhere2:
Welcome. Sorry you have to join our club, but if you have to join a club, this is a pretty good one to join.
Based on everything you said, I think you’ve got a full-blown sociopath on your hands.
What you’re discovering is that this is like no normal break-up you’ve ever been through. The hardest thing to get your mind around is everything about these people is a lie. And the sense of betrayal is doublIy bad because you approached the relationship from a place of truth.
I drove off my S in early November. It reached the point where I either had to drive him off or I was going to die. This site has been a godsend for me.
People here come from all walks of life, every profession, gay and straight. There is nothing here nobody hasn’t seen, felt or expeienced. One thing you discover is these guys are all pretty much cut from the same cloth and pretty much operate on the same schedule in roping us in and destroying us.
Knowledge is power, so read, read, read. Work your way through the archives. Also, I recommend “Without Conscience” and “The Betrayal Bond”. They’ll help you get a grip on what you’ve been dealing with.
Once again, welcome.
DJ,
Looks like our two ex’s should get together and go bowling. I know how you feel; I’ve been where you are. I’ve had the zillion texts, the notes on my car, notes on my door, I’ve been called a whore so many times that it actually started to bore me. He’d start to say something and tell him to skip the bullshit, call me a dirty whore and get out of my apartment already.
I had to hire an attorney today with money I don’t have. I wish all of you could come to court with me, lol! I need someone who understands the hell I’m in and doesn’t blame me for everything. My sister just sits there and says, “You f*cked yourself, you know.”
Fantastic.
Good idea, Sabinne. Let’s get all our exes together and go bowling with them. They can be the pins…….
DJ and Sabine-you’re in the right place here.
Sabinne: (don’t tell Matt)…I put the lawyer on my credit card.
Worth every penny of about $8,000.00. NO CONTACT. After she moved out, she told her lawyer to tell my lawyer she wanted the blender…I wiped off the dust and took it out when she came to pick up my daughter. She said: “What’s that?” “Oh, I meant the mixer.” Ok…tomorrow I took out the mixer…that exchange was about $250.00. Car I had aleady sold got cleverly re-wired by the “boyfriend”…I filed a police report and named the suspects. I’ve had police “stand-by’s” when I had threats of bodily harm while dropping off my daughter. I knew the cop personally (not a psycho) and let him answer my cell phone when the threats were made…”Sir…this is the police…” ROTFLMAO
With a few year’s perspective, and the lawyer bill paid…I got some funny stories. And I didn’t die…I thought I would.
I’ve got family who didn’t get it, but they supported me.
My real understanding came through this site. You’re in the right place. I was only crazy for a year or two. That’s me standing in the light at the end of the tunnel. I think God’s here, too. You’ll get here, with the help from Lovefraud…we’re all praying for you.
Jim
PS..Henry…I’m sure Nostradamus said we had til December, 2012? There’s some things I’ve got planned…my daughter and her boyfriend are taking me to Ireland and Scotland at the end of March….I got some neat kids out of the bad deals, anyway.
Jim, I know your story wasn’t meant to be funny, but I got a chuckle out of it. S’paths are so ridiculous they can be funny, once you have a little perspective on them. I was actually doing pretty well moving along from the s’path. In fact I hardly gave him a thought any more until he appeared on my favorite internet forum (which, believe it or not isn’t this one–though this one is definitely a close second). When he appeared there, all my PTSD symptoms reappeared. This is why you really have to commit to no contact. But I’m starting to calm down and figure out a way to go back without letting him get to me.
Stargazer…it’s funny now…as you say, in perspective. I cried a lot then, and I laugh a lot now. Yup, ridiculous and funny…now.
I wish you the same perspective with the website deal.
Jim
Thank you, Jim. I actually have a very funny s’path story. I still ROF laughing every time I think about it. My friend and I went to the reptile show back in August. I knew the S would be there. Sure enough, he was there with his young daughter. My friend and I totally ignored him. We never made eye contact with him. We just pretended he wasn’t there. Well, the s’path actually started following us from vendor to vendor and standing right next to me! He didn’t say a word, just stood there, asserting his presence. I just turned my back on him and ignored him all day. I happened to let my friend carry around a snake hook I’d just bought. At my height and the way I was swinging the hook around, I kept accidentally hitting guys in the crotch as I was walking around. (lol). So my friend was holding the snake hook, and we were looking at these snake cages at this one vendor’s booth. Apparently, the s’path came up behind me and got close enough to smell my hair (was he trying to maybe have a quickie at the show?). So my friend jabbed him in the crotch with the snake hook (ROF). The s’path didn’t move. So my friend jabbed him again and almost caught his zipper with it. At that point the s’path threw his arms up and made a facial gesture as if to say “okay I’m backing off”. Then he left the show and never came back.
I was unaware of the whole thing, buy my friend told me afterward. I was laughing so hard I almost choked on my lunch. For weeks, every time I told the story about the “player getting hooked” I would laugh so hard I’d start crying. I don’t know if it’s as funny to all of you as it is to me.
Stargazer-if he came back to the website…he ain’t too smart. Is your friend with the snake hook still around? Maybe she’ll post the story on the site…and he’ll leave and never come back?
Miracles happen…and friends help.
What is it? TOWANDA!
Loved your story!
Yes, my friend with the snake hook did post on the S’s thread, trying to expose his lies. I believe a few of my friends are one step away from exposing him. They don’t want to get banned or get any infractions for “flaming” a member. The S has a few supporters over there (imagine that) and one is a moderator. This is the most frustrating part–that I cannot just expose him and get enough people on board to run him off the site. I’m hoping to do this but it’s a slow process.