Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target.
Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod’s daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following:
One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his fault and consequently the blame falls on the one he wooed into a relationship. In this manner he deliberately cons his family into enabling him in his behavior. Oh, poor guy, the world is against him, he has a seizure disorder and has the gout. Thus concluding my opinion that he controls his universe and his family’s.
Family ties
There are parents who continually bail out their sociopathic children—even as grown adults. There are family members who continually acquiesce to the sociopath’s demands, maybe just to maintain the peace.
Sometimes the families are just as clueless as everyone else. They don’t understand the sociopath’s behavior, but they feel family members are obligated take care of each other. They believe the sociopath when he or she blames the victim for whatever is going wrong.
Other times, the family members are sociopathic themselves—the risk of developing this personality disorder is genetic. So they see absolutely nothing wrong with predatory behavior.
So to escape, the victim must often stand up to not only the sociopath—which is difficult enough—but the sociopath’s entire family as well.
Outlier:
I read your earlier posts.
Why are you giving your family power over you and continuing to live with your abuser?
Why is your extended family involved with your psychiatric care?
A therapist can not discuss YOUR case with anyone without consent?
I went through a similar situation with a DR. although it was for my cancer . The spath wanted his nose in with my Dr. And when I shut him out, he went to my mother to call Dr. (under the guise of care)……I sent ALL dr’s and insurance carrier an alert (notorized and IN WRITING) that they were NOT authorized to speak with anyone re; my care.
I knew what spath was doing/up to…..and he was trying to take control of me and my care and wanted me declared……what he was stating to my community…..she’s crazy…..and belongs back in a mental institute…..(I have NEVER been in one to begin with)….but nobody asks those questions…..they assume you have.
He told everyone I was faking my cancer and strokes……and again….most don’t ask beyond that statment…..just pull away.
He told my dr. I was dying and only had whatever to live…..on deaths door…… (vivid imagination)….and my dr/ was alarmed….
Spath used this as reasoning to kidnap the kids……and control kids and my parents……
The only way out for me was OUT……nix them all from my lives…parents/spath……or anyone who doubted me.
I was NOT going to go down that road……I used counter control to cut him and parents off……and later….it bit them both in ass…..I don’t have a relationship with either….and HIS relationship was nixed when he exposed himself by robbing them and then leaving horrid messages on their phone…..so NONE of his’circle’ has any contact……
You are an adult with adult rights. Protect your rights.
It sounds as if you need to remove yourself completely from any opening of being victimized…..REGARDLESS of what these people called ‘family’ think of you!
You see this happening…..I suggest you get out quick!
I also think we all need to find healthier ways to deal/cope with our stressors. They are there, there is NO contract stating life is fair…..and we must expect triggers and expect them everywhere……
We can’t expect the world to go our way, just because we have been abused and victimized…….
BUT we can learn to deal in a healthier way for ourselves!!!!
Yesterday, while at sushi with kids, I got a call from a neighbor that a bank man was at my house posting something…..
I’ve been in loan modification for over 1.5 yeas….I’ve been paying my mod. payments for over 8 months……
when I got this call…..I reacted poorly…..I ws very stressed and wanted to ‘beam’ myself home….I had things I had to get done for clients, so I couln’t rush back home an hour away….
My mind raced…..and I tried to calm it…..It took a toll on my day with my kids….I am scared……but ya know what……
I HAVE NO CONTROL…….I am doing what I agreed to do with the bank….and I am in limbo…..I don’t want to lose our home…..I got angry, angry at everyone in my life who burdened me in the past few years……I realized this didn’t help…….I told myslef……there is a reason for this….good, bad, or ugly…….
I’ve flip flopped…….but I am totally aware of how I am reacting to this.
I didn’t sleep well last night…..up several times and having chaotic dreams about all those toxic peeps in my life…….I was triggered by the friggen bank…..
Is the bank responsible…….NO! I can’t blame them for my reactions……although the ‘news’ sent me in this direction…..
IT IS ALL MY DOING……my choice of how I react…..
My choice is not to let this undo all of my hard work on myself over the years……because of some bank miscommunication or whatever………
We do have choices!!!
There are lessons in everything.
ErinBrock,
I relate to and learn so much from your posts. Yep, there can be things that can pop up unexpectedly during the day, causing you to become frantic, your mind being consumed by the situation. I hope that everything turns out well for you. It is hard on us mentally and emotionally when stressful things arise, prompting us to attend to situations ASAP (even when we might not feel up to the task), disturbing your inner peace, balance.
Bluejay:
Thank you for your kind words!
I’m wrestling with this today!
It’s like we get ‘filled up’ and there is no room for more……and more comes.
BUT……again, there are lessons!
Hey…..so what if I lose 350K equity huh? and that ain’t saying it’s gonna stop there either!!!!
So…..buckle up for the ride darlen……it ain’t stopping for none of us.
It’ll get better….it always does.
🙂
EB, you are one fabulous woman.
Flip flop wouldn’t even describe how I would react.
You know yourself so well, hang in there,
we’re all with you, I would be pissed because
the bank is closed tomorrow. Bastards!!!
Keep wrestling! You know about the bank
mis-communications, you’ve taught us all a lot about it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
and I admire your positive spirit more than you’ll ever know.
Chic:
Yes…..getting a notice on a SATURDAY of a long weekend…..and then have it dated 2 days prior…..was very disturbing….because I have no choice but to wait until Tuesday.
I can’t give up now……I won’t.
BUT…..I gotta fine tune the control over my emotions….anxiety has set in yesterday/today…..and i’m a trying my best to think positive…..but I feel SICK!
I’ve got a million things going through my head…..trying to make a game plan…..but not knowing ‘what’ game plan I need to make…….
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…….COCKADOODLEDOOOOOOO!
Thanks Chic for your thoughts and prayers and words…..I am trying to stay positive.
I gotta stick with 99.9% of what we worry about is redundant!
Let it goooooo EB……let it goooooo!!!!
Dear Outlier,
I’m glad you are back posting! Years ago Aloha and I were attacked by a psychopath-type person who was trolling through here and we were both so raw at the time it nearly drove both of us away, so I can somewhat comprehend how things can trigger us and appear HUGE. In the great scheme of the world they aren’t really all that “big,” but in out wounds and OUR FEELINGS it is like pouring salt on the raw wounds. From a different place today on my road to healing, I wouldn’t perceive it to the same way, but each of us has a different road to walk and are on different levels of the healing (and that may change day by day I know) so something that wouldn’t upset me today might knock me to my knees tomorrow or vice versa, but over all, I’m in a much better place than I was a couple of years ago.
This is a wonderful (if not perfect) place and I feel strongly that it has been instrumental in my progress on my own road to healing and I hope it will be for yours. It’s been a roller coaster road for me and many others have expressed the same up and down feelings, so I hope your road will be made better by iknowing you are NOT alone! (((hugs)))) and welcome back.
EB,
It is the OTHER SHOE FALLING! Out of the BLUE, just when you think things are “better”or you have won a victory! I SWEAR!!!! How just like “life” is them to tack this on your door when you can’t contact the bank for 2-3 days! I am not sure that process servers don’t do this on PURPOSE!!!
BREATHEEEEEEE, BREATHEEEEE, Breatheeeee! (((Hugs)))))
Hi, Darlings!! Gem is backkk!!! I hada brilliant 3 week holiday in Scotland, just home today after a horrendous long journey, which I did over 2 days. Glasgow,/Dubai, Dubai, Sydney. left Glasgow, in cold and wet, got back to Sydney, just the same! My darling husband met me OK at the Int. Airport. Im haveing a second wind, catching up with washing, etc.This Holiday, while v. enjoyable, has also helped me to let go, maybe of EVERYTHING. I visited the people who now livein the hous e Iwas born and brought up in. very surreal, but it helped me to close another chapter. Also saw old school pals, even my old guide captain, now 84! Im now more determined than ever to look forward, with a clear vision, determination, no regrets, no more false guilt, put aside those people who
dont care for me and love me as i DESERVE, AND CONCENTRATE ON THOSE WHO GIVE BACK SOME AFFECTION.Such as Roya and Abbas.Oxy, the book arrived,a nd after Ive read it, Ill forward it to you.I missed all you great guys and gals. Creampuff, yes, I got your message thru Donna, and Im happy to let you have my email, also Outlier, and anyone else who wishes it from LF,{trolls excepted!] Lots of Love, your mama Gem.XXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
Dear Gem,
Glad you are back safely! I’m envious of your trip to Scotland!@....... I’ve always wanted to go there and never able! Maybe I will be fore I am too old to travel, for now though, just have to hold on to my money and see what happens in the coming parole hearing for P-son.
Our summer is ramping up as your fall is so hot and humid here! I’m anxious to read the book! I saw a televison news show on a P whose adult son killed him here in US in Texas and the son got 20 years in prison for 2nd degree murder. I know that killing them off is not a thing people should be generally allowed to do. I think this son had trauma bond (Stockholm syndrome) and the prosecution kept asking him “Why didn’t you just leave?” His answer was “I don’t know, I just thought it would get better,” which I think many of us can relate to.
I’m just glad that your trip went well for you and yhou put some ghosts to rest! Welcome back!!!