Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target.
Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod’s daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following:
One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his fault and consequently the blame falls on the one he wooed into a relationship. In this manner he deliberately cons his family into enabling him in his behavior. Oh, poor guy, the world is against him, he has a seizure disorder and has the gout. Thus concluding my opinion that he controls his universe and his family’s.
Family ties
There are parents who continually bail out their sociopathic children—even as grown adults. There are family members who continually acquiesce to the sociopath’s demands, maybe just to maintain the peace.
Sometimes the families are just as clueless as everyone else. They don’t understand the sociopath’s behavior, but they feel family members are obligated take care of each other. They believe the sociopath when he or she blames the victim for whatever is going wrong.
Other times, the family members are sociopathic themselves—the risk of developing this personality disorder is genetic. So they see absolutely nothing wrong with predatory behavior.
So to escape, the victim must often stand up to not only the sociopath—which is difficult enough—but the sociopath’s entire family as well.
OxDrover, neither am I interested in my folk’s inheritance, for similar reasons. Over ten years ago I decided to have my entire share given to causes my sociopaths would hate – sexually abused children and abused adults. She, my brother (who has contempt for my parents and persistent love for money) and his wife (a lawyer, hey ho) fabricated a story that i was meddling with assets and wills. My family believe every word they say.
I worked out around 19 years of age not to trust anyone in my family, save for one sister (to some extent). With such a large gap between myself and my siblings, I observed the horrible games they played with each other, the boys have awareness and EQ as high as a worm. It’s never crossed my mind to tell them anything as they are quite blind and totally incapable of comprehending what abuse is. IFor someone who has had it all mylife, I can’t imagine not being aware of psychlogical abuse, but we must understand that people who don’t know, simply don’t know as they have never had the experience.
Outlier:
I guess I didn’t get your ‘story’ straight. I thought the S was a brother and a Mother.
And things were being shared by a therapist……which concerned me.
I’ll butt out until I get a better understanding.
The pitfalls of non verbal communications.
My appologies.
Dear Outlier,
My problemm was that I am only now at over age 60 getting that the way I was raised WAS VERBAL ABUSE with a bit of physical abuse when I rebelled once at age 15 from my egg donor. Then again at age 19 from my sperm donor.
I honestly did not comprehend that what was being done to me was ABUSE. Devaluation and Control. Guilt tripping and convincing me that what was happening to me was NORMAL. Even desirable. That they had a RIGHT to do this even when I was an adult.
Working out the truth was very difficult because I accepted that they LOVED ME and did it “for my own good” or “their idea of for my own good out of love”—-yes, if that is love, I do not want any more of it! LOL
Down to a couple of years ago when I went NC my egg donor still did not get it that she could not BUY my soul! The sperm donor wasn’t trying to buy me but to PUNISH me by witholding an inhertience, but NEITHER OF THEM ACCOMPLISHED IT. He of course didn’t ever know that I didn’t care about his money, and I am sure he assumed I did, because money/power/control was all he ever cared about so he thought I would feel the same way. NOT SO.
Egg donor is upset that I am not in NEED of fher “help”—but even if I WAS in need, living in a tent, eating out of a garbage container at McDonald’s, I would still not NEED OR WANT her money or “help.” It never dawned on her that what I wanted was her LOVE and approval.
In a way my culture AND my egg donor taught me NOT to be “beholden” or “in debt” to anyone so that someone could control me with that “debt” to them. I always paid my fair share and did not take “gifts” from people that I did not trust that they were genuine GIFTS and not “down payments on control.”
Independence financially gives one a lot of independence in a lot of OTHER WAYS.
BIELA trial update:
Just in……..
Penalty phase Jury in – VERDICT=DEATH PENALTY.
Aggravating circumstances did not outweigh Mitigating circumstances.
NO reaction from James Biela as verdict read.
When escorted out of courtroom in handcuffs (for the first time during trial), he walked past his family and looked murderously ANGRY!
Dear EB,
Thank dear, maybe he is MURDEROUSLY ANGRY. What ya wanna make a bet he makes a SUICIDE GESTURE! LOL
I just read a media report that as he left he mouthed to his family “I love you”.
THAT CERTAINLY WASN”T THE LOOK ON HIS FACE THOUGH!
That’s ironic……because the look i interpreted on his face was the same general look my spath had……even as he told me he loved me….
The camera was on him the whole time…..there was no eyebrow lift as you would have telling someone I love you…..Mouth those words out right now….and tell me how your face moves.
Weird!!!
That’s one of the things that is about the Ps, is that they may “smile” and yet only their LIPS smile not their eyes. It’s like they don’t quite get the WHOLE face smile.
Dear Ox,
Yes, I do understand the “about us” part; I was responding to hopeforjoys post where she writes, “She [therapist] recommended al-anon for my coping with his sex addiction.” That was why I responded with why should she cope (take ownership) with his behavior. He’s an abuser, get out, and then heal.
🙂
Hi Everyone, I am just coming out of the shock of discovering that I am pregnant to my S. Just when I thought things couldnt get any harder. His parents are refusing to believe that their darling son has been bankrupting us by seeing prostitutes, apparentley I deserved it after what I have put him through – he could never do enough for me – yeah thats him at work again, but getting something else worked on. I already have one child to him and we had been trying for another b4 I found out the initial lies. God, what do I do now. I so wanted another child and a sibling for my little boy, but I dont think I can do this now. His mother will want a DNA test as she thinks Im just out to get him. I went to see his brother last week and he enlightened me to the fact that he had ripped him off $100,000 when they where in business together. He helped me remove most of his stuff from our house the other day. He has been really understanding and great to talk with, I just wished I knew about the fraud he had committed to his brother before I let him use me and my family too. S sent me flowers via his mother for the first time letting me know that he loved and missed me in his mothers handwriting. He is begging me to keep the baby, ‘I will do anything, I’ll fix this, Please!’ I cant believe that I have started to consider taking him back. I love that w#@ker, but I can never trust anything he says. I want another baby but not with a man who lies lies and lies.
Sometimes I wonder about it all. Did he smile or was it the sun in his eyes? He made ME smile. I laughed until I couldn’t anymore. The performance was mesmerizing. Then.
It doesn’t matter what he did. He was not a good partner.
Its not worth the time to wonder anymore. He is a stranger in the crowd now. I don’t know him or the sound of his voice anymore.
But I did. For a long time. And I hurt and I stumbled around in disbelief. And I find now that I spend much time not connected to him, not wondering about him but just quietly being.
Can’t say I don’t sometimes dread being alone so many, many hours but it is a time in life that it be so and a peace can be made with it.
The healing process bring us into conciousness. Integrating the inner and outer self into a single being. When you can work from a place of being concious without thought, that seems to be a good place. Seems to be where the intuitive knowing is accessed the best.
Its hard to describe. But its quiet. And, its much more peaceful.