Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target.
Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod’s daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following:
One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his fault and consequently the blame falls on the one he wooed into a relationship. In this manner he deliberately cons his family into enabling him in his behavior. Oh, poor guy, the world is against him, he has a seizure disorder and has the gout. Thus concluding my opinion that he controls his universe and his family’s.
Family ties
There are parents who continually bail out their sociopathic children—even as grown adults. There are family members who continually acquiesce to the sociopath’s demands, maybe just to maintain the peace.
Sometimes the families are just as clueless as everyone else. They don’t understand the sociopath’s behavior, but they feel family members are obligated take care of each other. They believe the sociopath when he or she blames the victim for whatever is going wrong.
Other times, the family members are sociopathic themselves—the risk of developing this personality disorder is genetic. So they see absolutely nothing wrong with predatory behavior.
So to escape, the victim must often stand up to not only the sociopath—which is difficult enough—but the sociopath’s entire family as well.
I’m just thinking the only thing that might have made a difference was if someone had said….watch him he is a psychopath. He has no true remorse and is just acting, if you don’t believe me test him out” That is what I would say to his girlfriends now (and possibly his new wife) and any other woman in his net. He fills his net with anything and everything. A true exploiter of women.
I was told he was no good for me…..
I was 13 years old…..I knew everything!!!!
Nobody could tell me…..”you just dont know him the way I dooooo”…..”he’s had it so tough”…..He loves me…..
I was the girl….who thought she was soooooospecial!
I believe it’s all about planting seeds…..not outright saying it….just giving inuendos…..and let them fertilize it and see it’s peutrid stumps sprout.
People once on the defensive…..defend the perp…..the ‘downtrodden’ person who is spoken poorly of……
so if we just plant the seeds and walk away…..people will take notice on thier own….
It’s like teaching our children…..we can’t just tell them…..all the mistakes we have made and expect them to ‘divert’ the same mistakes….human nature is to learn on our own…..
I was told by my spath that he wasn’t good for me. Snort! Using the truth to tell a lie.
spathy, twisty, they are SO weird.
Don’t know how I missed this one 16 months ago when I was devouring the archives, but it’s a good one. If anything, this article should be EXPANDED upon.
My S-ex’s family was a really interesting case. His father and the two broters who “bookeneded” him wanted nothing to do with him. They saw him for what he was. His now comatose and brain-dead mother (who apparently Mother Theresa once said “And they call ME a saint!” if you believe the S-ex) and two younger brothers apparently bought his story hook, line and sinker and enabled him to the hilt.
But, the interesting person in S-ex’s family was his sister who came right in the middle after my S-ex and his two older brothers and before the two younger ones. She was a really bright woman, very accomplished. While she was somewhat “loyal” to him, I know she was mystified by what she saw. In my opinion that’s why she made it a point to move cross-country and have as little to do with him and her family as possible.
This concludes N/S/P case study #15634920897.
I warned the 22 year old girl my 36 year old ex S was dating…sort of…not directly but indirectly in a way that could never be linked back to me. Turns out, a year later when the relationship finally ended, the S blamed me and that one little hint he concluded was from me for the demise of the year long relationship and the three hour lecture he got from her mother, who had spent considerable time with him, about him not being a child of God but the son of Satan!
I’m guessing he’s managed to blame me for his latest break up even though I never met her, knew her full name or anything about her. Actually, I never knew the full name, phone number or email of the year long relationship, either, but I’m now being accused of bringing him up on charges for violating the Custody Order because I’m jealous when he starts seeing someone new! LOL!!! Ridiculous!
People find out in their own way and their own time. Take care of you. Your refusal of contact should say enough. That’s not a normal way to deal with an ex…especially if there’s kids involved. NC alone speaks VOLUMES to someone who’s able and ready to listen!
Family stats on mine:
Three older sisters
Two BiPolars
One Schizophrenic
And a drug dealing mom in a pear tree!
Mom’s also been diagnosed with bipolar but I’ve come to believe they all have Borderline Personality Disorder, including my son’s father. They’re like a crazy hurricane waiting to hit whoever they feel intimidated by, or can’t manipulate, like an f’n brick! I would be both…
Oh…and Dad’s had a new family and another dozen or so kids, after he gave up being a Pagan pledge.
And my poor little four year old hangs out with this crew and their cutting, arson, cousin molesting offspring. God help him!
Duped….
Wow….what a prize clan.
The S testified in court one time that I feel if I couldn’t have him, then nobody could.
Funny….that testimony was made at a hearing to keep HIM away from me!!!
Furthermore he couldn’t tell the judge one time when had tried to contact him or anyone else.
Hmmmmm……
I bit of projection there!
Hi, guys, and especially Banana,
I’m back home, drove in yesterday and spent today unpacking, etc.
Matt,, I’m with you, don’t know how I missed this one, but it IS a GREAT ONE. Yes, they “recruit” many family members to enable them, to persecute the victim, to BLAME the victim.
After my son C left my house, in cleaning up his room, I found an audio tape called “threat” and I figured there was a taped call from me on there, and there was, but also there were other calls, VERY interesting calls, including the one where I told the Trojan Horse Psychopath that he had 24 hours to leave my mother’s house and the farm or I would turn him in to the police as not being “registered” properly as a sex offender.
There was also a taped call of HIM calling the police and telling them that I (as his land lady) had “thrown him out on the street” and that he was working as a caregiver for my egg donor and that he didn’t have the “10 days” to register because he was out on the street. My gosh, how he was such a victim of me! There were other calls as well, and quite interesting. I had had the tape almost a month but was loath to listen to it, afraid it would “trigger me” but it didn’t, in fact, there are some things on there that I think will be interesting to the attorney I have hired to protest my P-son’s parole hearing.
I enjoyed the three weeks I spent at my best friend’s house, it was very laid back and stress free which was good for me. I needed that time away from here. I’m re-strengthened and ready to get back to preparing the case for my attorney. I went through most of the letters from my son to the Trojan Horse psychopath, and though it was emotionally difficult, I did it, and am ready to go through the rest with a “vengence”—set on making a good case. I have also finished the summary “letter” to my attorney and am ready to tackle the “condensed” version.
Son D took mail to son C and got triggered by that contact, but is recovering and we spent a great day together today just doing things around here and talking. D is getting his “pegs” back under himself and doing better. Son C called him today but he did not answer the call.
I’m doing much better on an increased dose of my antidepressants too, and I think that is helping some, plus, time and working hard toward getting my self back taking care of ME again.
Banana, hang in there sweetie, his mother may know something is wrong with “junior” but probably also tries to minimize it as well. The thing is that it is difficult for us to SEE what is right before our eyes and try to “minimize” and “explain” the past behavior and keep up a hope that it will get better.
I know it is hard to see a son for what he is—God alone knows how hard I had to work to keep up that false hope, but there came a point for me that I could not do it any more, my life was on the line. I don’T think if there hadn’t been a REAL live threat to my very physical LIFE that I would have gotten it. But I DID, and it hurt, and when I realized that he had duped my egg donor, and my other son C, it hurt like hell.
When C chose to lie to me in December, the thing is, it HURT JUST AS MUCH “losing” my egg donor and my P-son had hurt, but the DIFFERENCE is that though it HURT, I DISCONNECTED from C. He isn’t a P, but he is NOT any “saint” either, and when I realized that he had been REPEATEDLY duped by my egg donor, and by his P-brother, and by the Trojan Horse Psychopath and WORKED actively AGAINST me, REPEATEDLY, and he knew the rules, and he KNEW A LIE WOULD SEVER OUR RELATIONSHIP, YET HE DID IT ANYWAY. Shows me, I cannot depend on him any more NOW than I could in the past.
He now knows his brother is a P, and that my egg donor is enabling him, and he did go NC with the egg donor as well as his P-brother, but I can’t trust him to be truthful to me and his adopted brother D. I don’t have any doubt that he will work with me to deprive his P-brother of any money from my egg donnor at her death, because it is to his benefit, and if I need him to send a letter to the parole board objecting to his P-brother’s parole release, he will, but as far as a relationship with him from now on, he is just as dead to me as his P-brother is. I have no desire for a relationship with him. I’ve done my grieving, I’ve cried, and I have buried the little boy just as deep as I buried his P-brother, and I don’t like the MEN they have become, I don’t want relationships with them.
I need liars in my life WHY? Everyone who is close to me, knows that ONE LIE and they are persona non grata in my life. My son C knew that, and yet he chose to lie, planned the lie, and kept it up, refused to admit it, and apparently doesn’t care enough about me to tell me the truth. I am disappointed in that situation, but it isn’t one that I can control. How he behaves is up to him, how I react is up to me, and I CHOOSE to not have a relationship with a liar—even if I did give birth to him. That child I bore is gone, and the MAN who is in his place is a liar, too bad. I wish it was not the case, but it IS REALITY and I have to deal with REALITY, not “fantasy.”
Hang in there Banana, you are getting stronger every day. I can see the difference since you first got here, you are 10 feet tall now! Hold your head up and realize what a piece of crap you are dealing with, tell yourself over and over what you know is the truth. ((((hugs)))) and always prayers, Love Oxy
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Welcome back home darlen!
Keep the balance!