Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target.
Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod’s daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following:
One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his fault and consequently the blame falls on the one he wooed into a relationship. In this manner he deliberately cons his family into enabling him in his behavior. Oh, poor guy, the world is against him, he has a seizure disorder and has the gout. Thus concluding my opinion that he controls his universe and his family’s.
Family ties
There are parents who continually bail out their sociopathic children—even as grown adults. There are family members who continually acquiesce to the sociopath’s demands, maybe just to maintain the peace.
Sometimes the families are just as clueless as everyone else. They don’t understand the sociopath’s behavior, but they feel family members are obligated take care of each other. They believe the sociopath when he or she blames the victim for whatever is going wrong.
Other times, the family members are sociopathic themselves—the risk of developing this personality disorder is genetic. So they see absolutely nothing wrong with predatory behavior.
So to escape, the victim must often stand up to not only the sociopath—which is difficult enough—but the sociopath’s entire family as well.
Welome back OxDrover:)x I am glad you had a break and a rest. You deserve much more of that.x
Glad you’re back Oxy….LF truly isnt the same without you. And you showed all of us how important it is to take time for ourselves to re-charge!! But you will always be like the energizer bunny in my eyes! Again, welcome home. Good luck with preparations for the case youre working on!
These are words from my ex-sociopath mother crying:
“My poor son”he is unlucky with relationships”woman don’t respect him”that’s why he has to change partners all the time”he has such a good heart”he is the most generous person I know”I feel so sorry for my son”and I cry so much for him because he is my first child— and she goes on and on and on appreciating and honoring his son.
“Her son has four kids with four different women”.
changedforever,
I don’t know whether to laugh or be sick. This mother is obviously part of her son’s “extended S. family”.
I SHOULD have had the first clue what my ex was when we went to visit his family and they all called him “Nixon”. That’s his nickname and they all know what he is. Did I get the clue? NOOOO….had to go through a few years of hell first. I also had a lot of his family members (who will NOT allow him into their own homes) tell me I would be good for him. It was all just an act. He ACTED like he was a new person, probably hoping they would all trust him again. They didn’t and still don’t.
Thanks everyone for the “welcome home” thoughts! It IS good to be home and I think son D was really glad to see me home. He said “now I know how you feel when I go for to work” and he described the “empty” feeling of the house, he even turned on the TV or radio talk shows to hear “noise” and “voices” in the house. Yep, been there and done that!
I did come home with renewed strength and really enjoyed the time with my friend. Went to the state “Fat Stock” show and also watched the cutting horse contests which was cool, and hit every flea market and junk store in a 70 mile radius, spent time at her hunting cabin (more like a house) and went to her spinning, weaving and knitting group and met some really cool friends of hers. Watched a lot of TV (she has cable) and read, we exchanged two huge boxes of booksl so I have a bunch more good books I brought home with me.
Her ex BIL that she is still very friendly with has a father who is being ATTACKED by a woman and the woman literrally tried to kill the old man and did all kinds of financial things. The court has finally thrown her out of the man’s home (he is now in a nursing home which has limited access) it is a night mare for the family and they really don’t know what they are dealing with. Apparerently this woman is like Sante that “black widow” who pulled multiple scams along with her son and probably killed SEVERAL people through the years. (can’t remember the last name of the woman)
Saw a GREAT movie on TV with good suspense, great bad guys and Jodie Foster as the star called “Panic Room”–if you haven’t seen it, by alll means do.
I also watched a lot of Dateline and 20/20 (mostly reports on different psychopaths) as well as Histroy channel, oh, I do love History Channel and “Histories Mysteries” so when we were at my friend’s house we entertained oursleves reading, watching TV (mostly good shows) and talking. During the days we got out and roamed around except for a couple of mild snow/sleet days, so did a lot of things I seldom do here.
Don’t miss the “city” though, glad to be back where it is QUIET at night, but was nice having stores only a few blocks away instead of 13-30 miles away.
My little dog was so glad to see me home (I couldn’t take him as she has one just like mine that is not other-dog-friendly) so it would have been a dog fight.
Changed forever you are right about how many of the parents of Ps “explain” their kids’ turbulent lives—blame it on others. I know a P guy less than 35 who has 9 kids by 5-6 women, andj at one time had two preg at once, one with TWINS…they spread their seed far and wide.
In some cases that I have known of the women deliberately get preg because they think it will “bind” the man to them….WRONG IDEA!
Since I have morals/honesty and tried to raise my daughter the same way….when my PX wanted credibility, he pulled my daughter and me [out] of the hat-took me a long time to realize this. He hid behind us the whole time–all the while pumping that marital illusion our way. Hind sight=20/20!
Thanks, Gem, I have swiss cheese for a memory, especially on names….CRS! I hope you are doing well after your bout with the blahs, I’m doing much better.
Been a busy day today, cleaning up the mess I made unpacking, and doing laundry, paying bills and such! UGH! My least favorite thing to do, we still have snow on the ground and it is pouring rain and 37 degrees F, odd that the rain isn’t melting the snow, so I imagine tonight it will all turn to ICE blocks when the temp goes down. Next 5 out of 7 days are predicted RAIN! and cold!
I took so much stuff with me because I wasn’t sure what the weather would do, and as it turned out it was balmy down there, like spring or fall, then COLD, so was good I took lots of different layers. My friend asked me if I was coming to live there!
I saw a TV show on Sante and her son, and the things and cons they did, and it was amazing even to me, that she had PLENTY of money and yet she went on stealing, conning etc. when she DIDN’T HAVE TO DO IT in order to be “rich.” The bounced checks for the cars was the most stupid thing I think she did–DUH, like it wouldn’t be found out! and SOON at that!
That poor old lady that “disappeared” and they tried to steal her Manhattan house, forging her name.
I actually think that Sante did those things as a form of “entertainment” because she got “high” on the RISK. I’ve seen my P son do the same thing, and I think at least one of your daughters sounds like the same kind of con-person, the daughter who stole the money from her company. Is there no way they get her arrested?
Never once on that show did the explain she was a sociopath or put a name to what she did/was. To me she was a text book example.
Yes, I’ve seen this happen. My daughter’s evil husband has all of his family fooled! (or does he) I was incredulous when they did not believe what I was telling them and how he was treating our daughter, HIS wife! Of course at that particular time I did not realize what we were dealing with, A SOCIOPATH! However, soon afterwards after many many hours of researching and reading up, It all became very clear to me exactly WHAT we were dealing with. Whatever he told them was a twisted convoluted “tail” to suit only his purposes, the poor me and they “hurt” me, they lied to me. ALL b/c of money which he thought he was entitled to. So as my other postings have said, he’s all about the almighty money. All the feedback from them was “he treats her like a Queen” EXCUSE me! That’s why he drills and berates her, that’s why he’s isolated her, no communication to family. That’s why he calls her dumb and does not deserve his name. (He is the one who does NOT deserve her) Reads her emails, etc. Oh yes, that’s definitely how to treat a queen. He doesn’t tell them all of this now does he. He tells her what goes on between the two of them is ONLY between the two of them. Well OF COURSE it is, because he doesn’t want anyone to KNOW what he is!
But I know exactly what he is and he knows I know. So of course he has to isolate her, and cut off communication from her family! How in the hell do they NOT realize something is terribly wrong with their own freaking son! How can anyone NOT know something is wrong with their child. He hides it well and has everyone fooled, except HER family! Of course he had us fooled too, but not for long!
He’s lied about who he’s professed to be, about the wealth his family is professed to have and every things else. It’s all been a lie; however I will say, they ALL go right along with whatever he’s lying about??? I do not get it! All they all freaking S/P’s? Or just covering up his ass wanting HIM to get the monies too? MY god! Now that’s a very scary thought isn’t it?
Just spotted this via Google, and landed back onto the site! Thank you Donna, you got it perfectly. The irony, I am 38 and living with my parents – but for totally different reasons. So it’s odd reading back ‘the S is living with their parents’. The genuine reasons why I am in the position I am has been misinterpreated and no doubt fed back to my family by the psychiatrist. They ensure I fit the profile of the classic sociopath by orchestrating events where I will likely prject classic sociopathic behaviour. Before my enlightenment, I had a list of previous experiences to draw upon that easily give the impression that I am a S. Abusers build up a catalogue of events/experiences to complete their screenplay. Dangerously with a S psychiatrist in the equation (to educate my family of S traits); they are under the impression that I am disordered.
The watertight lies are impossible to permeate. Do I print out an article that describes my situation for the attention of the most insightful person i know who has seen the bullying (ironically that’ll be my S-sister’s husband!).
I am so interested in producing a screenplay that I’d dearly love to see adapated. 4 half hour/hour-long scenarios each one focussing on a specific dynamic:
spouse-spouse
sibling-sibling
colleague/boss-colleague
parent-child
Dear Outlier,
I wish each of us could have a site as beneficial and educational as LoveFraud—I wish there were a million sites educating people about socio/psychopaths–and still it wouldn’t be enough!
Their ability to LIE IN THE FACE OF EVIDENCE and pull it off is amazing, really! They don’t bat an eye, have no shame, no remorse, and seem to think if they say something loud enough and long enough that it becomes true.
If they are lying to someone who loves them, we give them the benefit of the doubt, over and over and OVER! No matter how much evidence that we see that they are lying accumulates.
Society also tells us that we must “never give up” on helping them, and we enable them to continue their lies, all the while lyiing to ourselves that THIS TIME it will work. They lie to us and WE lie to ourselves, a perfect relationship…… until FINALLY the scales fall from our eyes and WE SEE. Some people never SEE.