Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target.
Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod’s daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following:
One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his fault and consequently the blame falls on the one he wooed into a relationship. In this manner he deliberately cons his family into enabling him in his behavior. Oh, poor guy, the world is against him, he has a seizure disorder and has the gout. Thus concluding my opinion that he controls his universe and his family’s.
Family ties
There are parents who continually bail out their sociopathic children—even as grown adults. There are family members who continually acquiesce to the sociopath’s demands, maybe just to maintain the peace.
Sometimes the families are just as clueless as everyone else. They don’t understand the sociopath’s behavior, but they feel family members are obligated take care of each other. They believe the sociopath when he or she blames the victim for whatever is going wrong.
Other times, the family members are sociopathic themselves—the risk of developing this personality disorder is genetic. So they see absolutely nothing wrong with predatory behavior.
So to escape, the victim must often stand up to not only the sociopath—which is difficult enough—but the sociopath’s entire family as well.
Kim….
We should never question our gut!
This is what I hope for Dancing warrior too!!!!
Right or wrong….it’s YOUR gut!!!!
oxy – a cogent argument: ‘So what if they donated my DNA it sure wasn’t out of love for me.’
Oxy, I don’t hang around him.. I see him every so often .. since he is my father .. some visits and communication nice.. others abusive as hell.. he is an old man now…
I guess the desire to ‘please’ is a child’s innate desire that my father is proud of me….
Well, style, I no longer give a rat’s behind if my egg donor is pleased or proud of me or not. She is 81 years old and still the controling, punishing, witch you always was, and I was too naive to see just what she was doing to me. I tried and tried to please her, but you know…when someone is willing to demean and devalue and discard me, I have no use for them at all. That isn’t “motherly love” so I decided for me it wasn’t worth the pain.
It took me a long time and lots of tears to realize that the relationship we had (she and I) wasn’t a relationship in terms of real love, or respect your elders or anything else, it was out and out punishment on her part and pain on mine.
I found that there were several people in my life that were related to me by blood and DNA but that didn’t make a “family.” Family to me are those people who love me, treat me well, and that I can trust. My life is free of abuse now, and I sure do like it! No more guilt or fear or waiting for the next shoe to fall, or wondering what nasty thing the egg donor will say or do. She’s the one lost out and just because she is an old abuser doesn’t give her any wiggle room in my book.
Each of us makes our own decision though about how much pain we will allow others to inflict on us. I have decided that NONE is a good number!
I no longer feel safe here. I have decided to stop posting on LoveFraud. I will continue to subscribe and read articles, but I won’t post or read comments. The articles provide all the insight I need. To be attacked by one poster in the healing support group is worst than abuse in real life. I have revealed so much about my situation on here. I now feel like I’ve exposed myself to a group I can no longer feel safe posting.
Dr Leedom, Dr Brecker, Ms Anderson, Ms Gallagher, you give your time for no cost. Your contribution carries a serious tone to the forum; based upon scientific data. The forum responds accordingly, the forum exchanges banter, the forum supports and validates, the effect is powerful and empowering.
style1 inspired me last night; a brainstorming session with myself as I lay in bed I have decided to join a writers group, where I hope to gain the skills to draft a screenplay which I would dearly love adapted into a play or independent film. No compelling soap opera, but a docu-drama. There are plenty of opportunities to showcase work. In the UK we have a series called 3 Minute Wonder, a 3 minute slot for filmakers or anyone inspired to tell their story (whatever it may be). It is a successful and enjoyable slot. I have learned much that i need to know; I’ve been validated and I can take away this knowledge confident I am on the right path.
Should anybody suspect anyone on this forum to be fraudulant, I would encourage you to speak to a Ms Anderson. I am too insecure to reveal anything more on here about myself or my situation.
OxDrover, you responded many times to my posts. It was after your first reply I came out of my shell and posted frequently. You made me feel like I had something to say. I will look at horses and think of you and your courage.
I will look at everyone who has a voice on LoveFraud and think of butterflies out of their cacoon.
Sarah
Dearest Sarah, I woke up this morning and rememberd my last post. I felt bad about it because I knew I was being very utsoken and blunt.
I wont tell you that I haven’t had those feelings, because I have. But I’m probably a hypervigalent PTSD survivor.
I’m not going to say that there isn’t something I;m not getting, because I think there is something…..
But, I am sorry, because I know I blasted you, last night. I just had an overwhelming feeling that you weren’t who you claimed to be….but I am frequently wrong…please don’t let me push you away.
We can ignore eachother if that’s what you want.
Dear Sarah/outlier,
I hope you will recondiser posting here, and Kim, I have known for a long time, and I believe her apology is sincere. Sometimes I have also offended people here and I know I never ever intended to offend anyone.
We have all been very RAW at times. Being raw and over sensitive or hypervigilent is part of the damage that is done to us. So I hope that you will stay around and that you will continue to post! I’ll BOINK kimmie for you with the cyber skillet!! LOL and a big HUG! and my prayers for us all as we work on healing ourselves and having compassion for our fellow travelers!
Outlier, I also hope you will reconsider posting here.
KIMMY? KIMMY????
And where is our beautiful, intelligent, Kim today??
i can’t tell you the number of times i have watched impostors here and held back on confronting them. i have only been on lf for 6 months, but i was conned online and i can often taste predators within the first sentence. i decided a while ago not to stand back from confronting those who come here to jerk people around.
i respect you. and your intuition. if you misunderstood the info you got then I know it will come true. i want you to know that i think you are brave and i am thinking of you, and hoping you are not beating yourself up. (’cause i KNOW you can go there 😉 )
i don’t wish honest posters any harm. i have felt set upon here on a couple of occasions, have felt unsafe both from the actions of impostors and old timers, and i know that we will see things brewing long before donna does; and her criteria for censure is pretty specific. so, it really is up to us to call, and to self regulate as a group.
maybe it was harsh, maybe it wasn’t ”“ maybe you were accurate, maybe you weren’t ”“ but i will defend your right to call it as you see it; and will come with the ice when the old biddy boinks you, ’cause she’s wrong sometimes, too. we all are.
hugs and a smooch,
one step
Lovefraud’s rule is very simple: Do not attack other bloggers. IF someone is causing a problem—and that certainly does not appear to be what was happening in this case—use the “Report abusive comment” button.
Yes, sometimes people come here to start trouble. They may seem authentic at first, but they usually reveal themselves pretty quickly. I’ve received several e-mails from readers who were “positive” that another blogger was the sociopath they’d been involved with, but when I checked the IP address, that blogger was on the other side of the world.
It is very difficult to “know” who someone is, or what they’re about, based on a few posts. Please do not make assumptions.