Sociopaths keep the charade going for awhile

LL,

yes it hurts, and on an emotional level, I still wonder if it is all in my imagination and he will be wonderful with her, and if it was all my fault for bringing out the behaviour in him, and if she is so perfect for him that she does not ellicit the abuse. But on an intellectual level, I know I did not imagine any of it and that he will be the same as he always was, and that it was not my fault, and that nobody could be perfect for him.
Thus the reason for my retunr to this board after a period of “being fine”.

Sometimes I marvel at how clearly he told me and showed me that he did not love me, and wonder how the hell I didn’t see it – really see it. But, I mentioned before in a different post, that his sister had explained that of course I didn’t see it – not in the context of our daily lives, not when he was still telling me he loved me, not when he was planning our futures out loud, not when he was phoning me to tell me of every little success he expereinced during the course of his workday, and not when he openly criticized others for abusing, using, and abandonning their wives and children. The day before he left, we were skiing as a family.
Every instance of outright cruelty was forgiven as an abbheration, or excused on the basis of “how hard he worked”, or “how stressed he was”, or “how tired he was”. And in truth, he treats EVERYONE who he is “close to” in that same way, and everyone is so used to it, that they just LAUGH, or shake their heads, or throw their hands in the air and say “Oh, that’s just Spath, that’s how he is”, to the point that nobody seems to notice anymore how utterly wrong it is – or at least, choose to ignore it.
Of course I didn’t know he was devoid of feelings, he waxes on about it all so poetically, and only showed me his true self once the mask started slipping, and finally when it dropped for good.
The one thing that keeps me sane, is the one thing that is the worst part of all of it – his treatment of the children. For if it was true that he “simply fell out of love with me”, there would be no reason for his cruelty, but you could kind of accept it, but when that cruelty extends to the children he still professes to love, because after all, only a MONSTER would admit to not loving two sweet school-aged souls, then you know you are dealing with someone disordered. I remind myself often of how little regard he showed for their emotional and financial well-being…all along really.

As well, though the replacement does not see it, she is already accepting so much BS on his behalf, and owning so much BS for him. Examples include the family disinviting them for Christmas, and though she questioned it, and was not given a real answer, she opted to ignore it, and go on holiday with him instead, probably licking his wounds and feeling sorry for him to have such a family. And when she came with him to meet the children, I have no doubt she paid for the tickets, and then, he left her standing there and failed to even introduce our daughter to her, while he basically used the car as a shield, and I actually thought “Welcome to my world Sweetheart”, and then she talked to me about how happy I must be, in complete oblivion to reality, so I know she is too naive to understand that no woman in their right mind would be happy to see their own world, and that of their children crumble spectacularly, and that he at least lies to her by omission…same, same, same as always.

As for finding out about their wedding? Heartwrenching, spent the whole day on the beach and smoked an entire pack of cigarettes, though I quit years ago. Then, strangely freeing, because I no longer had to wonder if I was wrong, and he was secretly twisted up inside fretting about his actions, or remorseful but too proud to say. On the contrary, he was having a fabulous time, taking her on some of the VERY SAME dates he took me on over a decade ago! He was engaged 18 months after our relationshit ended, one year after our divorce was final, and to someone who has never been married, does not have kids, who is pushing forty, and carrying at least as many extra pounds as I am after eating myself through my divorce (LOL). And, she is someone who he knew briefly years ago, and reconnected with via FB, and who he described as “wealthy” and “someone who will never be married because she is man-ish, and gives off an asexual, lesbianish vibe”. So what do you suppose is HER vulnerability that makes her a prime target?

BTW, two years today. And believe it or not, I’m much less bitter now. LMAO : )