Medical and mental health professionals have differing views and opinions about the personality disorders that are the topic of Lovefraud—sociopathy, psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder. You could also include narcissism and borderline personality disorder.
There is disagreement among professionals about how the disorders should be defined, what causes them, and what can be done about them. As an example, take a look at a recent post along with the comments: ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there a gender bias against men in the diagnosis of sociopathy?
No matter what discussions are raging in the professional world, here is what the rest of us need to know: There are evil people among us.
“I never knew such evil existed”
Lovefraud receives plenty of e-mail from people who have been deceived, manipulated, bankrupted, assaulted and deserted by sociopaths/psychopaths/antisocials. One comment that I frequently hear is, “I never knew such evil existed.”
Yes, it does. This is what evil people look like:
- They are charming and say all the right things
- They are supremely confident in their own greatness
- They are highly sexual
- They crave excitement and are easily bored
- They are impulsive, risk-taking and irresponsible
- They are pathological liars, telling falsehoods large and small
- They feel no guilt or remorse; nothing is their fault
- They use you and then spit you out
- They do not play by the rules
- Once they are adults, they cannot be rehabilitated
M. Scott Peck, M.D., in his book People of the Lie, says: “Evil is that force, residing either inside or outside of human beings, that seeks to kill life or liveliness.” In other words, evil people seek to kill the life force of their victims. Sometimes this means turning victims into broken shells of what they used to be. Sometimes it means murder.
Three points for professionals
It is extremely difficult to fight evil. Therefore, the best thing we can do is avoid it. We need to accept that evil exists and learn to recognize the key symptoms so that we can keep evil people out of our lives.
So what does this mean for the professionals? In many cases, these are the people who are making recommendations and decisions that affect the lives of both the evil and the victims.
In my opinion, professionals—and this includes legal professionals, especially court judges—need to learn three things:
- How to distinguish the evil people, who cannot be helped, from those who have succumbed to terrible life circumstances, such as poverty, crime and bad parenting, and may possibly be helped.
- How to save the offspring of evil people from growing up to be evil.
- How to help victims recover.
There are people in the world who feel that everyone has good within them, that with enough love and understanding, anyone can be helped. As much as I would like this to be true, it is not. Evil exists. We’ve experienced it.
BTW – you don’t LOOK that old…. 🙂
Thank you thank you thank you!!!! From the bottom of my heart! I’m off the calorie part of the “food plan” today and tomorrow! Still have to watch the sodium but will throw caution to the winds on Calories and eat drink and be MERRY!!!!
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Going out for a special evening (listen to a history lecture!) Yea, that’s my idea of a big night on the town! LOL
Thank you all very much!!! ((((hugs))))) and all my love, Oxy!
Happy Birthday Oxy, I hope it’s great!
Bellaangel,
If you are out there in need of help, call the police non emergency number and ask for the phone number of the nearest domestic violence shelter, or ask the police for help if you are in immediate danger! Do not delay! Seek help!!!! You are in my prayers!
Oxy, hope your birthday was great by the way! I was sitting here reading in the wee hours of the morning like I do so many nights and my thoughts began to center around how I could let myself become so taken in by someone so evil without seeing ALL of the red flags over and over again over a 6 year period. Thankfully no contact is going on 6 months now but he’s back in jail but he did try to call several times and I did not pick up the phone…voice mail is a wonderful thing!!! As the days go by I realize that with each one I am feeling better and more confident and finally can get through a day without thinking much about him and the hell he put me through…and this was someone I loved….that is what is so hard to believe. The hardest part of this whole ordeal is not recognizing he is evil…he is there is no doubt….but it is forgiving myself for not being more responsible and in tune with what was actually going on…I mean why wouldn’t a man incarcerated not want me to think he was a “new person”…..plans and dreams made for his release to get settled and then get married….I waited on this for 3 whole years visiting him on weekends, writing countless letters and paying for hundreds of phone calls…not to mention the money orders I sent to his sorry arse! I’ve even tried in times past to justify why he acted “like a sociopath”…it must have been all the years of drug use….his brain is completed jacked up because of that and that is why he appears to be a sociopath…nope, he is a sociopath and he fits every criteria…the list cited earlier is like reading his biography…again, the fact that I was used, abused and duped for so long has been the hardest thing to get past but I am dong it…getting past it….with each day it is easier and easier to move on….the norm now is not hearing from the spath!!! Today it has been one year since I laid eyes on him….in person…and I am very proud of myself for not giving in all the times he has contacted me since March of 2010….in times passed I was weak and would have gone back….but not this time. Although many times I still feel I have some symptoms of PTSD for all I lived through…the silence and peace I now have in my life is allowing me to heal from all the pain and wasted years….wasted except for the valuable lessons I have learned. Knowledge is definitely power and that is why I come here several nights a week late, before bed, and read your posts….it helps me to know that I, even though I am an intelligent, professional woman, was easily charmed and fooled in to giving my heart to someone who never deserved it….atleast this has not damaged me to the point of never wanting to take the risk of loving again…..and for that I am thankful….there is always a silver lining just harder to find this time.
The fact that I don’t cry every day any more is such progress…I am so proud of me….
Nite all, blessings to each one of you on your journey….:)
Dear Strongsurvivor,
Thanks for the birthday greetings!
I know it is diffiult to understand why WE fall for the lies…whey we believe something so un-believable. Well, we know why they lie—commisary money and visits and letters….keeps them fed and entertained.
Why would we NOT SEE the truth of the fact that they are EVIL, that they ARE psychopathic and that they areOBVIOUSLYLYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH???? We want to believe that someone we care about would not be evil, would not lie, and we take their reassurances as gospel truth because that is what we WANT TO BELIEVE.
Why would I WANT to believe my son is pure evil? would cheerfully and proudly kill a young woman and not feel the faintest regret? BECAUSE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT AS THE TRUTH WOULD BE PAINFUL TO ME…and I would have to ACT on that knowledge and belief and go NC with my son and I did not want to have to do that, so I chose to BELIEVE the lie…for a while it seemed the “easy way out” the “less painful way out” but it wasn’t, because I still had to eventually FACE THE TRUTH.
So, you’ve faced the truth, so quit beating yourself up about the past poor choices you made by staying in denial. Don’t make me get the cyber skillet out and boink you for being too hard on yourself, woman! LOL ((((hugs))))
Oxy:
Thanks for the advice..and I’ve beat you too the cyber skillet because I’ve already used it on myself more than once!! LOL…so true though…but accepting I was so “blind” has been the hardest thing for me as the feelings for him fade…It’s funny how many of my friends, people I care about, saw it but I couldn’t or wouldn’t see it….but now I do. You have some of the same experiences I do because of your son’s incarceration…I can’t imagine how difficult going NC with your son must have been initially….that’s a tough one…but you have done incredibly well..although I know it’s still hard to believe sometimes, it’s got to be. The good news for me is that the phone has quit ringing….it’s been quiet now for 2 months and that has allowed more healing…even though I wasn’t answering earlier calls anyway…just knowing that maybe he has “given up” trying to use me as “supply”…and knowing I have moved on…not so sure what you mean about being in denial…I don’t believe I am in denial any longer because, although it did take me a while to see this for what it was…I now see it and am accepting it…I’d be further interested in your thoughts on denial….and what you mean…God knows I wanna get rid of all this mess and wipe it from my life so if I am caught in some kind of denial..I want to know it! I’ve been wrong before…I can be wrong again…an objective viewpoint always helps!
Thanks so much for your comments. You’ve been at this way longer than I have….blessings!
Strongsurvivor
Dancingancies, playing pretend? Really? TV is most unflattering to some people’s complexions, wouldn’t you agree?
poinsettia’s all ’round!
one step –
I won’t have them in my garden – even though most of them LOOK so pretty. Can’t risk poisoning my pets or the kids who who come to visit. One of my cats is soooooooooo silly that he chews on any old plant – even if it’s POISONOUS!!!! I have to watch him all the time when he’s outside.
I think that all poisonous plants should be put on that island we were discussing recently – let them do their work out of our way.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂