Many, many people who were romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was amazing. Earth-moving. The best they ever had. At least, that’s how it was in the beginning, while the sociopath was still reeling them in.
The targets thought this amazing sex was proof of the real connection between themselves and the sociopath, proof that the two of them were wildly, deeply in love.
The truth is that sociopaths are incapable of love. Oh, they’re capable of feeling attraction. And they’re capable of proclaiming love, very convincingly (especially when they’re looking for sex). But they are not capable of genuine concern for another person’s welfare, which is a key component of real love.
So what do sociopaths really want from romantic relationships? Power, control and sex. Often, power and control are more important than sex.
What’s more, some sociopaths find power and control to be sexually exciting.
I experienced this with my sociopathic ex-husband, although I didn’t realize it until long after our marriage was over. When we disagreed, I generally lost, because he was much better at arguing than I was. Of course, he was not interested in coming to a mutually agreeable solution. He just wanted to win, but I didn’t know that at the time.
After the fight, when I had capitulated, my husband wanted sex. At the time, I thought we were making up after arguing. Now, I realize that he had gotten a charge out of exerting power and control over me, and it was a turn-on.
A Lovefraud reader told me that the sociopath she was involved with became sexually excited when she was angry. He demanded sex, and engaging in it when the woman didn’t really want to probably enhanced his sense of power.
Sex with a sociopath isn’t about sharing intimacy or building a connection. It’s about their personal physical release. Or, it’s a means to an end. Sociopaths know that if they can hook their targets sexually, they have a better chance of getting what they want—money, a place to live, or perhaps simply entertainment.
In the end, sex, for a sociopath, is just about domination.
woundlicker
Louise~ 180rule.com
woundlicker
9. Exspath thought kids were sexy.
Louise
skylar:
Your blog is AWESOME!! You just started it in March?
Thanks, woundlicker!
woundlicker
Louise~ I agree about Skylar’s blog. It is awesome. Great job Sky!
8. Exspath thought his farts smelled good.
skylar
Woundlicker,
OMG you cracked me up! Mine snored like a poltergeist!
I told him that he sounded like a demon from hell and the expression on his face was “priceless”. He peered at me, trying to figure out what I had figured out… It creeped me out so much I had to look away.
I’m glad you guys liked the blog, I’m going to try to write more positive stuff. I have some ideas…about butterflies.
In large part it is about Girardian Theory. I started it because I think that this GT has the potential to change the world. It isn’t explicitly about spaths, it’s about the sabotage that was done to our civilization and it happens to describe spathology without even intending to.
Girardian theory combines literary theory and anthropology with a big splash of theology to explain what is revealed by Jesus’ death on the cross. You don’t have to be religious to get it. You can understand it to certain extent, anthropologically.
Louise
Mine didn’t snore at all. It’s one of the reasons I liked him a lot as it seems almost all men snore and I HATE that…I mean hate!!! Can’t stand it as it makes it impossible to sleep. I never heard it from spath. Sure wish I would have 🙁
7. Exspath had the weirdest feet.
skylar
Silver,
I do wish you were here. I’d love to kick rocks with you.
The nap really helped too. The nightmares keep waking me up then I can’t sleep, then I feel lousy and everything gets an exaggerated quality.
I have to admit though, that I have many, many defects from being raised by spath parents. Need to do a lot of growing up and it is as painful as it was as a teen. That’s really what it boils down to, I think.
6. Exspath came home reeking like sex.
G1S
Singmodel,
He sounds like he could be a very serious stalker.
I know this is difficult. Please, what is so wonderful about this man that you want to marry him? Do you really want to commit to a lifetime of this treatment?
I had a friend whose mother used to say, “Start as you intend to continue.” Right now, he’s giving you his best – and it sounds about as demeaning and irresponsible as it comes. Do you honestly think he’s going to change his behavior for the better after you’re married?
If he is so wonderful, what led you here?
Where is the love in his behavior? I’m not seeing any. What is he doing, in what you describe, that is loving? Nothing.
So he gave you an engagement ring. What kind of ring is it? How can anybody that poor afford one? Where did he get it from? Did he buy it? Where did that money come from? You just told us how irresponsible he is with money and he can produce an engagement ring? Something isn’t right here.
Why did you get involved with him in the first place? How did that happen?
My bet – you might be coming across as desperate to be married and are in love with the idea of being in love.
Please, read through here.
I honestly think you are in danger not just emotionally, but from violence. He bought you with that ring. He owns you.
He sounds like the worst kind of predator.
Louise
skylar:
Forgive me for not remembering, but are your parents still living? Do you talk to them at all?
skylar
Yes Louise, they are alive.
I’ve been avoiding them since March 1. I usually see them a couple of times a year. I cut my phone off. Guess what? They must’ve had my sister call in as me and paid it.
I haven’t been answering the phone, AFAI concerned, it is shut off.
We have things we do together, because I was their book keeper and business/tax advisor for the last 25 years. None of my siblings know anything about anything, so they depended on me to help them. All along, they knew that my spath was only with me for my money because they overheard him say so. But they never told me until 2009. WTF?
I felt like such a fool. Bending over backwards to do everything for them while they laughed at all my losses and knew why.
😥
The reason they were doing this is because I had seen through their masks as a teen. I didn’t allow their control. They wanted to see me punished. And they enjoyed every second of it.