Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
skylar:
Wow, that is soooooo crazy! Yep, he saw that you weren’t a whore and spared your life. Wow, I am speechless. I can’t believe you crossed paths with him!
Skylar- that’s an incredible! I’m glad he spared your life! I agree Louise, I can’t believe you crossed paths with him.
Louise,
I didn’t know it was him until about 10? years later. He had been caught and was in prison and spath and I were watching a story about him on TV. Then they showed a picture of him when he was younger. And that’s when I recognized him. I will never forget him because I hitchhiked a lot and he’s the only one that ever propositioned me with money.
I told spath, “that guy gave me a ride.” Then I explained about the frog etc… Spath said, “yeah, I think I read that he used to have toys in his truck to lure young girls.”
Well, I think that is BS from the spath, he was just thinking about toys because HE is a pedophile. In fact, recently he decided to try to invent a line of bathtub toys and he carried a rubber fish on his dashboard for months…. what a FREAK!
EDIT; Hurtnomore, yep, I attract spaths.
So it looks like good? news from FA? At least he is taking steps to make payments in the future. Try to find books about living with and dealing with narcissists. They can be very helpful.
Skylar
What about a control group who carry an almost overwhelming sense of guilt (shame) and are NOT spaths? Seems to me that should have been the control group rather than control subjects with little sense of carried shame.
Sky, when you talk about never feeling safe from childhood (which I can relate to), I had a question. What does it feel like to you to feel unsafe? Lately, I’ve been regressed a lot into old childhood feelings of fear relating to meeting new people (men in particular) and taking on new challenges. For instance, I was put into a Spanish class that was way too advanced for me, and having my inadequacy exposed like that me feel very scared – like I was being seen for being a phony or failure. (Not sure what it is, still trying to process it). But one thing, it really takes me back to my childhood and all the fear I constantly felt. So I was curious…when you feel fear, what exactly does it feel like, and also what situations trigger it?
The times I truly felt safe enough to really relax I can probably count on one hand. I’m working on just feeling safe (trust) in myself, so I can let others get close to me. For me, this is the foundation for any real relationship I could have with someone else.
Stargazer
Out of curiousity, b/c you write about times you truly felt safe enough to relax, have you ever tried anti-anxiety medications? I wondered b/c I also have experience times when I could not escape the anxiety and it turns out that constant attacks means I could not relax and let my nerves settle to normal. And since my nerves did not get the needed time, my brain CHEMICALLY froze in anxiety. Meds helped release that prison. So wondered if you already tried that route or if your anxiety was something that came and went and so did not have an emotional basis and therefore no need for anti anxiety meds? Kin ya make sense of my question? I might have rambled too much trying to clarify my query.
Katy,
that is a great question about the control group… I’ll have to give it some thought. It’s hard for me because my parents fucked with my head differently than yours did. I was encouraged to be a martyr by being elevated to a place of honor AS A MARTYR. This is how many societies convince their people that dying is an honor. Soldiers are encouraged this way, as are sacrificial victims of old. “do it for your country, do it for your family, do it for the cause….” F – THAT, DO IT YOURSELF! So anyway, shame was not part of my repertoire. But fear was, because, like Jesus, I knew I had to suffer and always felt impending doom.
Star,
up until age 12, I was shy, scared, petrified, lonely and in anguish from not being loved. Intellectually I believed that the parental units loved me because they fed me and clothed me and sent me to private schools. But THAT’S ALL THEY DID. I never felt loved, no hugs or kisses or kind words unless I was sick. They had no interest in me at all.
At age 12 I decided that nothing could be worse than the death I was already experiencing. That’s when I chose to be fearless. It was definitely a choice to stop caring about what happened to me.
Within a few years, the parental units could no longer control me.
That experience has shaped me, I think. When I encounter danger, I tend to get up close to it rather than run away. I’m not as crazy as I used to be when I was a teen, though. In my late teens both my spath and the spath parents convinced me that they loved me. Of course by then, they all knew I was getting a large insurance settlement so….of course they loved me.
Those years of fake love also shaped me. I became less angry and fearful, more trusting, compassionate, empathetic…
Life has a way of really messing with your head.
After reading page one, I just have to share this with you and ask for you insight.
My current boyfriend who has been my best friend for almost 6 years had 2 sociopaths in his life; one a lover, and the other, a best friend. I was involved with one for 3 years. Anyway,,,,He has been away from her for 6 years, I have been away from mine for a year.
His ex still calls him, sends text messages, so does mine. We have no contact, both of us, but it’s REALLY STRANGE that their stalking cycles usually hit us BOTH at the same times.
Is that the universe trying to tell us something? Like we are supposed to do something that we aren’t?
I just think it’s no coincidence that our exSpaths hit at pretty much exactly the same times….
Just have been pondering on it lately…curious to get your insight on this….Thanks.
Pure waters:
You go girl……you asked….and you answered yourself!
That’s right…..you can’t own others emotions. It’s HER choice.
It reminds me of when my MIL called recently…..and my initial reaction was to suck in…..and I made myself step back and create an emotional distance. They were NOT here for me or my kids…..so FUCK HER! I’ll listen to her…..but add very little and let it be known I HAVE BOUNDARIES! SHe OR her son can’t cross them!
I don’ have to trust her….who the fark is she? I gave her my heart, I did all Icould for her…..they dumped us. And NOW you want back in….because YOU NOW see what a spath your son is? UH….NO! DEAL ON YOUR OWN LADY!
You did good working through all that.
WE CAN choose who we let in, and on what level.
stronger2011 – it means that spaths are boringly predictable; do cyclically reach out; and your two happen to be on the same schedule. no big universal there.
i would suggest you both change your phone numbers.