Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
EB,
They were NOT here for me or my kids”..so FUCK HER! I’ll listen to her”..but add very little and let it be known I HAVE BOUNDARIES! SHe OR her son can’t cross them!
I don’ have to trust her”.who the fark is she? I gave her my heart, I did all Icould for her”..they dumped us. And NOW you want back in”.because YOU NOW see what a spath your son is? UH”.NO! DEAL ON YOUR OWN LADY!
You did good working through all that.
WE CAN choose who we let in, and on what level.
I don’t like her. I tried to be nice to before and then she turned on me, accused me of pretty much knocking up myself (when socio knew I wasn’t on bc pills for close to 2 years and refused to wear condoms, I intended to get an iud but never had the money for it, guess why :), and said that she didn’t need to speak with me – that she would see my son when ex-socio came to see my son. Well, that’s been a long time coming… guess why…
Because the socio doesn’t give a crap and never cared to see my son.
So, here I am, stupid me, feeling bad for HER and trying to be nice to her… I don’t want to be nice. And, I’m glad you put it this way, because basically… I don’t have to be nice!
I don’t have to make it my priority that she wants to see my son, now. Why? Because her son’s in a bind and now has to pay child support? Because she wants to be a grandma?
I just had to bring it here to LF because only the people with experience with socios and inlaws with socios, extended family with socios can really appreciate the situation. It’s not a matter of not just caring about her feelings, it’s a matter of safety dealing with this psycho. Anyone who can’t see that he’s a psycho, unfortunately, is also a danger to us because they won’t react appropriately to potential dangers… only sweep things under the rug to pretend life is all normal and perfect.
Until someone ends up hurt, and I fear that for my son.
Star,
I do feel fear. No you aren’t being nosy. Not sure how to describe it.
I have all kinds of anxieties about finances and running into spaths and having to talk to my parents. That’s not fear though, that’s anxiety right?
For me, fear is the fight or flight adrenalin rush. When a semi-truck almost kills you on the freeway or you find yourself being stalked or confronting a stranger in your driveway in the dark. That’s fear. And I usually attack it. The only time I can remember running is when I finally left my spath. I didn’t know he was a spath. I only knew he was planning on killing me but I didn’t know when. I thought it would be in August of 2009 because that would be most convenient for him. I was going to stick around until just before then. But on May 17th?, he was angry on the phone and said he was going to “teach me a lesson”. I knew my body couldn’t take the adrenalin rush. So I packed up the cats and computers and ran before he got home.
We can talk about fear or other emotions but most of the time we are using the wrong words and the meanings get diluted. I think that I respond with fight or flight to my fears, but for 25 years, I just went into denial and used the trauma bond instead. Trauma bond is a way of attacking your fear. I’m very good at it.
OX,
Purewater, I agree with ErinBrock, take the money and as for “visitation” with grandma, SUPERVISED ONLY”..and maybe in the parking lot of the local police station”.with you and a great big guy there to “supervise” the visit”.
I really don’t want to speak with her, again. I will probably just avoid the contact, or limit it severely.
I think I’ve just gone so long away from the sociopath that I’ve lost my anger… I’ve gotten to a peaceful place where he didn’t exist or matter to me, really, anymore.
I need to remind myself of the hell I went through and sit on that for a while… then maybe I will deal with this situation better.
**
Speaking of intuition again, I think it’s really funny that I came back here after like several months of not checking the blog, and then all of a sudden I get this phone call…
It was as if my intution was telling me I would need to be here, or something!
Skylar
I have my food “specialties”. One of them is that I make the BEST choc cake that I have ever found. I only make one a year b/c I have NO willpower. I take it to book club meeting so I can have a piece and not give in to the rest. That’s my only solution. THe idea that I’d have that choc torte cake in my fridge and not eat on it is CRAZY to me! I fail the resistence test!
But if it wasn’t MY cake, I wouldn’t touch it. I ALWAYS respect other people’s property.
ps, I also make the BEST lemon meringue pie, and pumpkin bread, and sticky cinnamon rolls, and apple crisp, and fudge, and choc fudge balls…. and now am going to bed b/f I make that cake NOW!
BAD BAD BAD Katy! SHAME ON YOU!
🙂
😛
No chocolate torte for you. ALL FOR ME!!!!
lol!
Purewaters:
The last time my MIL called she was looking for ‘help’ in re: to her spath son.
The tables turned……
HA…..
YOU WANT MY HELP? Uh, NO…..sorry your gonna have to figure this out on your own….JUST LIKE WE DID!
Deal with him how you may.
WE are OUT!
She then went into how her familily and her treated our kids……What….like alienated them? YA THINK?
Was that Mormon LIke behavior?
LOL!
She asked if she could write the kids a letter, send it to me, and have me proofread it and if I thought it was okay….pass it on to the kids!?!?!
WTF?
I said….NO WAY!
If she/they wanted a relationship with the kids…..that was ON THEM! I was NOT going to be involved on ANY LEVEL.
(my kids are older). THEY ALIENATED THEM…..THEY CAN FIX IT.
I told her…..Oh, and just so you know……don’t hold your breath for a response.
We NEVER heard back from her.
They are always after something more than what it appears!
Sky…..that would be classic….
BUT…..I don’t care. It’s funny sitting back in the sidelines hearing about the shit.
🙂
EB,
I know. If we were spaths we would invest time, energy and money into doing it. But it just isn’t our cup of tea. Not worth the effort.
I totally get it. Spaths do things for the entertainment value. That’s why hollywood is full of spaths. Not worth it for real people.
Skylar;
The direction I took, and must maintain…..was plant the seeds early……and let them all figure it out on their own.
I’ll sit in the wings and carry on……