Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Wow, I’m really sorry that so many of you have had to go through such awful things with the spath and having kids with them. I couldn’t imagine that. Toward the end, mine kept trying to get me pregnant. I actually had a dream once that he was having sex with me in my sleep. I don’t know if it actually happened or not. Thank God I didn’t get pregnant.
I’m still trying to trust my intuition. It has been rough. I’ve just now been learning how to set boundaries and be okay with them. Been having a hard time making friends because of the ptsd. My reactions to things are over the top. I’m excited because I’m expressing my feelings and getting some balls, but the other person just looks at me like I’m some crazy person.
I’m rambling, but I wanted to say thank you everyone for all of your contributions to this thread. Some of your terminology prompted me to google them and I learned a lot tonight. I have to stop now. It gets to be too much at times and I start experiencing everything somatically.
Thanks again for sharing your stories. Good night 🙂
EB,
I agree with the way you handled it. That’s the healthy way.
What I’ve learned with the socio and his family is they are all screeewed up for a reason. And, I am tired of having my life ruined by people who just see me as an object to move around and exploit, to get to another object they want to play with now – my son.
Stronger2011,
Glad my story (and others) is helpful. It’s actually nice to be able to be open about it, without worrying that I’m going to permanently traumatize anyone with the information.
stronger and purewater,
it’s really, really nice that people here on LF can save each other from evil, just by sharing their experiences. It’s the closest thing to heaven on earth.
Thanks Donna.
<3
OK – FIRST AND FOREMOST – Katy PLEASE save me a piece of that chocolate cake. My kids bought me a t-shirt that says “Back away from my chocolate and no one gets hurt”.
Next – Stronger 211 was talking about the two spaths “going off” at the same time. This reminds me of something that I don’t know if it has been discussed on here or not – BUT For many years now I have noticed that the spath daughter has certain dates (the same each year) that she does her most unbelievable “dirty deeds” for lack of a better term. There are at least four dates a year.
Example Dec. 2nd – Grand was a year old, she left him with us and he was sick. We had to rush him to ER with febrile (sp?) seizures and a temp of 104. We called her and told her to come to ER – She never showed up, never called NOTHING for 12 hours. When she did show up, her face was covered with bruises and it was obvious she was strung out. I would not let her take Grand, she went to police and told them I had attacked her and showed the bruises.
Dec. 2nd, two years later – Grand was found wandering the streets, in 30 degree weather with snow, nothing on but a diaper. He had been out a recorded 30 minutes when police arrived. She was found passed out in bed, hung over. She told police she had been up all night in the hospital with her dying mother (that would be me). I was ofcourse never in hospital and was fine.
There are MANY examples of this and like I said about four dates each year.
Any thoughts on this, anyone else have something similar?
Milo I don’t think there is anything spath related that is all about a specific series of dates. But human beings in general revolve around calendars. Is Dec 2 a date that has meaning to her? Maybe the other dates do as well and you just aren’t aware (anniversary of something, etc).
Athena
To all the choc cake lovers…
IT’S NOT MY FAULT!! Skylar did it to ME.
She posted a link, (great info BUT)… the main graphic shows a slice of rich dark layered chocolate cake with choc butter cream frosting.
And then the article says I must resist!! I say,” it would have been easier to resist if they said it belonged to someone else. OR if I didn’t already know that I make the BEST choc cake I have ever tasted.”
I slept on it and am proud to report I did NOT stay up making a cake. BUT… and here’s the danger I am facing… our temps are gonna drop tonight and NOTHING warms a house like the smell of baking choc cake.
HELP!!! Skylar put her thoughts into me and now I can not resist! 🙂
MiLo
You are writing horror scenes. Q: Why would a child wander the streets? A: b/c he was looking for his mother.
I am late to your story. Do you have custody of this child? Is this all documented? How old is the child now? Is child services involved?
Sorry if I don’t reply in a timely way, I am in & out today.
Katy
Sky…I just read your story about being picked up by the serial killer. JESUS!!!! That is the most cliche hitchhiking occurrence EVER! My goodness!!! I got chills reading it!!!!!!!
Yes, it IS better to stand up to the evil bastards. I totally agree with you that they are trying relentlessly to make their inner world and outer world match. I think this is why my ex tried with all his might to make me accept the labels he threw on me. In his world, all women are whores, so I HAD to be one too. When I protested/refused to submit, well, this disrupted his pathetically perfect little world view and he proceeded to daily flip the f**k out about it.
I HATE THEM. I do. I hate them.
Luckily that guy let you out alive. I actually had a similar experience when I was 13. I ran away to Reno, NV. Random, I know. A guy picked me up. He asked me if I would “have fun on him” for an hour for 50 bucks. I told him that I was saving myself for marriage (not even true, but it was the first thing I could think of to turn him down completely). He got this ashamed look on his face and told me that he thought I was doing the right thing and that I should follow that plan. Spaths love virgins for some damn reason. Maybe cause it’s the only way they can feel that they don’t have the terrible burden of eliminating you from earth and thus saving mankind. If you’re utterly flawless, then you don’t trip up their weird “kill” mechanisms. My ex even tried to make me believe that HE was the virgin. The psychological mindf**k going on there with HIMSELF is astounding. It tells a little something about the way he needed to view himself too, which fits your theory as well. All or nothing. Black or white. They are ashamed of what they are and desperately need the world to change so they can feel better about the truth of what they are. Grey areas piss them off. Oh, and grey rocks 😀