Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
skylar,
suggest you send cure for chocolate asap. or else.
ps i had the backwards syndrome. i used to think certain emotions were normal and that NORMAL emotions were crazy.
Skylar,
You are being a bad girl, trying to start a fight with Katy, now both of you share the chocolate cake….and QUIT TALKING ABOUT it cause my mouth is watering, or I’ll boink you both! LOL ROTFRLMAO (((hugs))).
Stargazer
Somewhere on this blog yesterday you said two things
1) every time a man left your life a new one came in
2) you were open to whatever the man had to offer
I thought about this all night and on my way to work today.
You inspire me. I feel like I’ll get over this and I will be able to move to something better. Thank you, sweetie.
Dear callme,
I often forget how much impact something you read on a forum can have. I’m glad my words had a positive impact. I do believe a huge part of healing from a toxic relationship – or any relationship – is just letting go. I know I have held on to relationships and non-relationships for YEARS. It was like putting my life on hold. I would bet all my savings that if anyone who is still emotionally holding on to their spath really let go of all hope and completely grieved the relationship/t, they would eventually have feelings for another man again.
S
Star – Yes. It’s really hard to let go. I don’t know why.
Perhaps because they tricked us with this “fantasy” man who doesn’t really exist. I keep trying to reach back to get THAT, and I forget about the fact for the 30 days where were of great things, there 300 days of shit.
Athena
Hmmm, not so sure Star. I believe that would be true if it was just about a broken relationship. But a spath break-away also involves a loss of trust in humanity. Haven’t cried for the loser or the loss of personal life illusions in months. I feel I’m over them. But I know that any type of intimacy, even if just totally platonic, with a man of romantic interest would scare the hell out of me. I finally got over the loss of my grand love of a decade ago, finally conquered my own eigh-year long commitment fear as result of that … and it feels I’m back to square one when it comes to trusting a romantic interest. Heck, it’s worse now, and for far better reasons than it was 5 years ago. And then I’m not even talking about being triggered by intimacy.
darwinsmom,
You hit it right on the nail: it’s a loss of faith in humanity which prevents us from feeling safe again.
My reaction to that loss of faith and subsequent anxiety has been to study spaths and learn all the red flags. I feel VERY confident now that I am able to see spaths very soon after meeting them.
Unfortunately, I SEE THEM EVERYWHERE. Reality has become crystal clear and it ain’t pretty. My next step is figuring out how to navigate the shark infested waters.
I think the advice to run from all spaths is too limiting. I don’t want to live in fear. There are lots of spaths out there who can’t or won’t necessarily hurt you. I wouldn’t choose them as friends but sometimes you have to interact with them. So the question is: How? How do we assess the level of danger?
Obviously, all these spaths that I run into, don’t go around killing people or robbing them at gunpoint. Once we see that they are untrustworthy, the point is not to trust them…and never let your guard down.
I hate living that way too. spaths just make life harder.
Guys, I think we also lose our trust in OURSELVES to keep ourselves safe. I think the loss of trust in MYSELF is the biggest loss I suffered. Before all this was revealed I thought I was ABLE to keep myself safe, now I realize I was NOT and that was an EYE OPENER for sure! So Now I have to learn to trust MYSELF AGAIN! But this time, not be so narcissistic about my own powers. LOL
Sky and Darwinsmom,
I totally understand what you are both saying. Hugs to both of you. The thing that occurs to me reading both your posts is how necessary it is to be able to trust yourself before trusting anyone else. That means you can trust yourself to be open to life while keeping yourself safe from predators. Personally, I believe (mostly) in the goodness of humanity, though my eyes have been opened to evil. I don’t believe all people are evil or that all men are sociopaths. I was a (mostly) pretty good judge, up until I met the spath. I had never seen anything like that before, and hope I never do again. It took a while for my trust in myself to return after him. Now with men I look at how I feel when around them. If I enjoy their company with no repercussions, then it’s usually a good thing. Nothing wrong with enjoying someone’s company. It doesn’t mean I’m going to marry them or buy a house with them. It’s just a phone call, or an evening dancing, etc. I’m trying to take life one experience at a time and do what feels good, not what I’m “supposed” to do. I believe we were designed to enjoy life and to have a certain measure of happiness. 🙂 This is with or without men in our lives. I choose to allow men into my life. I take a lot of crap for it when I get my heart broken. But ultimately, I’d rather risk than sit on the sidelines. I’m 51 now. I just went to the funeral of one of my long-time neighbors today. It made me realize how short life it.