Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Oxy, great minds think alike! That’s exactly what I was thinking about trusting ourselves.
Oxy, yes… that is a problem too now for me. I totally feel the way you described about myself. I don’t trust my choice of men anymore. It wasn’t always the best before that. And I had finally managed to feel attracted to men that were nice, or at least seemed nice. But it’s actually what made me choose the spath… I said, “I’ve never had such a nice guy.” Then he turned out to be a total jerk. I didn’t choose jerks before that, but they weren’t necessarily kind men either. So, now I feel my whole compass is broke. So, yes, in that respect I agree with your advice Stargazer, but sadly enough I don’t see myself do it for a long while.
I’m getting confident in recognizing red flags in people, and my ability to take a step back and go no contact without looking back. But I don’t trust my attractions anymore. And I don’t see myself being intimate either with a man I’m not attracted to either. I just don’t.
I can say that recently I realized I had dreamt about a man who works in the restaurant two doors away. I noticed him even when I was still with the spath. There’s been a slight tension between us from the start, so I’m sure he has noticed me likewise. We’ve been starting to nod at each other the past half year or so, but it’s always a bit forced, as if we try too hard to make it a coincidence. Meanwhile his colleague always waves hello to me, even from inside, and I do the same.
Anyway, I did appreciate the dream in a way because it means I’m at least subconsciously starting to look around again. I’m one of those persons who tells myself a little ‘story/scenario’ to fall asleep. Not necessarily erotic. So, I explored the scenario of ending up on say a date with the guy. And even in the scenario, where I’m free to fantasise any good outcome, I felt how fearful and blocked I’d feel, and even in my own scenario I stoo him up.
Hey, all,
Interesting blog about listening to intuition.
Lately, I’ve felt this hot volcano of anger burst in the pit of my stomach when I’ve confronted certain people who may have shady intentions or whom I distrust.
Even though this pit of the stomach feeling is so LOUD and strong, I am still doubting myself and wondering if I’m overreacting, but more than ever before I AM actually listening to what I think is my intution saying, “Beware!”
How does one know when you are projecting your own issues/fears, or being paranoid, or when the gut feeling is an accurate reading to be trusted??
P.S.
Anyone know whether or not an ex spouse CAN indefinitely hold on to a deed to a house after divorce is final?
My ex husband won’t release the deed until he’s satisfied that I’ve given him every singly tinies piece of “his” property back.
Can the court stop him from doing this? And what exactly is the risk for me not having the deed?
Oxy, if you are around–this seems ENDLESS even AFTER the end. 🙁
Dear DancingEWarrior,
I am so glad that you are becoming AWARE of all this…it is I think a very good sign.
As for your question—“How does one know when you are projecting your own issues/fears, or being paranoid, or when the gut feeling is an accurate reading to be trusted?? ” I think it just takes TIME and “anxiety” over it. We I think are “over reactive” at first, hyper-alert, hyper vigilant, but then we start to calm down a bit, and that is okay to be over-reactive for a while.
If you watch an animal that has been attacked by a predator it is “jumpy” or an animal that has been abused, and we are the same way, but after a while we drop the HYPER bit and just remain CAUTIOUS which is GOOD!
Dear Danciing Warrior,
As for him holding on to the deed and refusing to sign it over, I think the COURT can make him do so…..check with your attorney. It may vary from state to state…the ACTUAL DEED itself is not that important as it is FILED at the court house. I assume it is FILED under a joint title….and he has been ordered by the court to sign it over to you. He is just USING withholding the signature as CONTROL over you….so I would forget about trying to get him to SIGN and just get your lawyer to get the COURT to go around him not signing….whatever that entails. He is just being a dick wad! All about CONTROL and yes, it will NEVER END as long as you have to have contact with him.
Remember when you dated that guy that was so controlling? Your INTUITION picked up on it….you are getting your mojo back! Just keep on working hard and learning about YOU! (((hugs))) I’m so proud of you!
Yep…..you’re attorney should file a motion to compel on the deed signiture…..you keep track of your requests….and if he won’t respond….then the judge will sign the deed and you can record it.
I wouldn’t give him a thing if it’s not listed in decree……and certainly not without the deed being signed and turned over!
It’s control….that’s it.
And remember DW….I TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER…….The divorce is just the beginning…..the cleanup is the thing that takes you by surprise….but expect it!
Yep…..just being a dickwad.
Take it to the judge!
Oxy, YES, I remember the guy I dated! My gut feeling was so LOUD!!
Ex signed the deed in court on date of divorce, his lawyer is holding it till she gets my pay off check.
Ex is afraid I won’t give him his stuff.
I tried to negotiate casually with him by email–I offered that he keep the tools and I keep the fancy china, and our daughter would eventually get the china. He said no he wants to have it for now.
Then he wanted to know how I’d arrange the move of the heavy large items liek a table saw, desk, workbench.
That’s when the red anger turned on again. I like the workbench for some reason–it is custom made, new, and fits the space in basement, nice surface to work on. He listed it as worth $50, which is ridiculous. He also wanted to keep, of all the cheap prints, the ONE little oil painting that he did not steal, also listing it as worth $50.
I asked through my lawyer, not negotiating with him again after the try with tools/dishes, if I could keep the workbench and oil painting.
He went through the roof and wants to file a grievance against his lawyer, and now is withholding the deed.
I am writing here obsessing, but otherwise I wasn’t worried. I feel that eventually he HAS to give over the deed. Or he won’t get his money either.
And I am keeping the two things just because. Because I am fed up with his twisting my arm and thinking he can force me into COMPLETE submission. He’s taken advantage enough already in the divorce–no more.
I do fear that I”ll be really really hyper sensitive to ANYONE remotely resembling him or his manipulative behavior.
I am afraid about my reactions with my boss, because she is conniving and malicious, and she has told people that she HATES me. And I am afraid of my STRONG reaction to her and doing something inappropriate.
EB,
Attorney first told me I couldn’t close refi w/out deed. But I think I can. I sign papers, pay the fees, wait the 3 day period, by then they can disburse the payment check.
Next weekend stupid arse comes to pick up his stuff. Then if deed is not in my lawyer’s hand following Monday, he files a motion with court.
What else is there to worry about?
Let him act and be an arse and a bugger butt. A tiger does nto change his stripes.
You know, EB, Oxy–I am LIKING the idea of the empty house, out with the toxic waste.
Dear Dancing,
Darling, I would start looking for a job if my boss hated me…sooner or later she will “get you” one way or another….as for your X pulling that shiat, I would not give in over those things if you don’t want to….it is NOT like it is a “big deal” but he is just being a dick wad!
You only NEED the deed if you want to SELL the house….but you might remind him that as long as his name is on the FILED DEED, he is responsible for the mortgage too…..you can always threaten (but not carry through) with STOPPING PAYING the mortgage which would bounce back on HIM!
I understand your feelings, but just hang on, this will all adjust out.