Russell Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Forces, a pilot who flew dignitaries including Queen Elizabeth II, and commander of the largest airbase in Canada. That is, until he was arrested for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear, sexual assault and murdering two young women.
Lovefraud has written about Williams before: For Halloween: A real monster who liked to dress up.
The question, of course, is how did such a predator achieve the rank of colonel? Should he have been flagged along the way? How was it that Williams received nothing but stellar reviews, and turned out to be a murderer?
The Canadian Forces, stunned by what happened, launched an inquiry into how candidates are selected for senior command positions. Could enhanced psychological testing have revealed Williams’ true nature? Here’s what Macleans reported:
The answer, sadly, is no. Among hundreds of pages of internal military documents, obtained by Maclean’s under the Access to Information Act, is a draft version of that review. It confirms what leading experts have long maintained: there is no off-the-shelf exam that employers, armed forces or otherwise, can use to detect sociopathic killers. “Given the recent events in CFB Trenton, it is natural for the CF to question whether or not the organization could have identified a sexual sadist or predicted that an individual would become a serial sexual murderer,” the report says. But that “would be unrealistic to expect.”
Read There’s no way to spot another Russell Williams on Yahoo.com.
It’s probably true that no one could have spotted Williams. His case, however, is highly unusual. As I wrote in Sudden psychopath: The horrifying yet strange case of Col. Russell Williams, this case is unique in that Williams showed no signs of disorder before he suddenly became a sexual pervert and predator. Unlike most sociopaths, he didn’t have a history of lying, cheating and abusing. That’s why his case is so weird.
Judged by behavior
Although I don’t know much about the various psychological tests that are available, I doubt that any self-report inventory, where the subject answers questions about himself or herself, would work. After all, sociopaths lie. They lie about everything, so of course they’re going to lie on a personality test. Even if the test is designed to spot inconsistencies, how would anyone know which part is true?
To diagnose sociopaths, you need to know about their behavior. Most sociopaths leave a lifelong trail of destruction, ranging from overt crime to subtle emotional and psychological abuse. Dr. Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised (PCL-R), and it has become the gold standard for diagnosing psychopaths (the term he uses). The PCL-R has two parts—a semi-structured interview, and a “file review.” This means that the individual’s criminal and psychological records are included in the evaluation. In other words, the psychopaths are identified by their behavior, not by their answers on a test.
The Gift of Fear
We, of course, don’t want to experience a sociopath’s behavior. We want to avoid them, so they don’t have an opportunity to inflict any damage of any kind. Can we do it?
I believe the answer is yes. The way to avoid a sociopath is to listen to our intuition.
Several people on Lovefraud have posted about a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. Oprah Winfrey called de Becker the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, and his company helps hundreds of people, including celebrities, stay away from stalkers and other predators.
De Becker’s whole point in The Gift of Fear is this: Your intuition will tell you about danger. Listen to it.
I can back this assertion up with data. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, conducted earlier this year, I asked the following question: “In the beginning of the involvement, did you have a gut feeling or intuition that something wasn’t right about the person or the relationship?”
Seventy-one percent of respondents said yes. Let me repeat that: 71% of people who became involved with sociopaths knew early on that something was wrong. Unfortunately, most of them stayed in the relationship anyway.
Trust your intuition
I think it’s unlikely that an accurate paper-and-pencil test for spotting sociopaths will ever be developed. However, we all have a built-in early warning system. The system isn’t designed to identify sociopaths in an abstract sense; it’s designed to warn us when we are in the presence of danger.
Here are the three steps to protecting yourself from sociopaths:
- Know that sociopaths exist.
- Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior.
- Trust your intuition.
The key is to pay attention to the warning signals that we receive. But often we don’t. We doubt ourselves. We give the person another chance. We wait for hard evidence. In the end, we are damaged and filled with regrets.
Would listening to their intuition have saved Russell Williams’ victims? We’ll never know. But Gavin de Becker did relate a story about a woman who was assaulted in her apartment. The assailant told her to be quiet, promised he wouldn’t hurt her, and left the room. The woman, filled with fear, didn’t listen to him. She listened to her intuition and slipped away. The guy returned with a kitchen knife, intending to kill her. But she was gone.
Dear Nocontactrules,
Well, so much for “being nice”—-NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED BY THE PSYCHOPATH—if you find something of his in the future, throw it in the TRASH and then go about your business.
Yea, I quit smoking too, and still want a cigarette once in a while, but most of the time I am like you, and just hate the STINK!
Thanks for sharing your fall and recovery, because that is how we ALL LEARN….just like a kid learning to walk, we try and we fall, and we get up again, and fall again, and rinse and repeat! TOWANDA for you!!!!!
ps NO CONTACT,
Yes, I did see that DATELINE, and boy was that guy EVER a CLASSIC TEXT BOOK PSYCHOPATH if there ever was one.
I thought the woman he “dated” for two years who was totally bowled over and how she LOST HER TRUST IN HERSELF as well as the ability to trust others was SO GOOD!
He was so “smart” yet he was sooooo dumb as well…..buying size 12 1/2 shoes across the street from where he bought the baseball bat he killed them with….and then buying breakfast on a credit card just down the street….LIE, LIE LIE!!!! I also liked the interview with the jurors who said there was just TOO MANY COINCIDENCES….
ROtflmao……If your stretching the thong….your wearing it wrong!!!!!!
BWAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Thanks for the mid morn chuckle!
Dear NOCONTACT, I have every confidence that you will live up to your name. Sometimes it just takes that “last straw”. The last straw is different for everyone.
NO CONTACT RULES
I would suggest blocking his texts. You can do this through your carrier, or, through an app if you have an android phone.
Don’t let him wind you up.
I’m glad you’re here.
Athena
I worked in my garden today and cut down some plants, but I’m not sure if I cut down the right ones or not. I am uncertain.
Dear Tobeme:
Your post was very inspiring to read. You speak like someone who has been through hell and back and has broken the chains that kept you down. I am 51 and feel as if I am mostly a free spirit. But I still suffer from loneliness and depression and self-limiting beliefs, and have not yet created the life I really want (though I’m working on it). Any wisdom you have to share about how you did it and what worked for you is greatly appreciated.
Not sure where to put this but please feel free to comment and offer me the benefit of your wisdom.
Not sure if my s/path is a psy or just a narcissist. He seems to love his dog and his daughter and his grandaughter- seems I’m bottom of the list tho. The ego is back in the country!
Lots of reasons about why he HAD to go. Lots of excuses about why he stayed so long and why he didn’t answer his phone. Complete denial about the other woman( his ex who he has had in tow since before his daughter was born!)
You will all think I’m an idiot- I am. Felt empowered when I realised what i was dealing with and saw the light- but now he is back I doubt myself and remember the luring phase which hooked me in. He is not an axe murderer but he has abused me emotionally and used me- and duped me. This has gone on for 10yrs. in that time he has cheated on me with his ex(who clearly isn’t) and with someone else. His excuses have always been plausible and I suppose I wanted to believe him because the person who lured me in and groomed me was perfect.
I can’t go NC yet- any advice on grey rocking??
What do I do??
He is wealthy and buys me things which i don’t particularly want- his god is money followed by image!
Writing this is quite cathartic and is making me feel stupid.
Can’t believe I would end up in this situation. Feel like Michelle Fiefer in Dangerous Liasons.
PK,
I’m on my way out but it’s hard to answer your questions without more data. WHY can’t you go NC yet?
How does he keep you connected to him? What do you get from him? What does he get from you?
Catharsis refers to a cleansing or purging which allows one to start the cycle again. You don’t want that. You want to shatter your illusions. You want to surgically remove the beliefs which keep you in this spin cycle over and over again. You want progress.
Progress comes from positive disintegration. Allow yourself to clear out the old so you can have room for the new.
PK-He may be a narcissist and I’m only saying that because he sounds a lot like the one who brought me here-the doctor. He was all about social status and reputation. He claimed to love his dogs too and acted like he was super close to his daughter. I ended up finding out later that he pretty much ignored her, and that was one of the things he misrepresented. I also found out later that he left the dogs alone without food and water in the house for several days and one of them got into his medication and had to be rushed to the emergency vet.
My current N always makes contradictory statements and has a bad memory so she can’t keep track of the misrepresentations she makes. She has been saying all this time that she is half Latino and that she grew up in the summers in Honduras on her father’s coffee place and that her father is Honduran. I ended up reading something online about her history from an attorney who worked with her father for years. It turns out that her father is not Honduran but only owned the coffee plantation there. He is actually Arabic-and I had a feeling something wasn’t right because her last name is not Latino, but Arabic. She slipped up recently and told me something about her grandparents living in Bethlehem in the middle east. Two days ago I find an article in one of the major local magazines that had a big professional photo of her all posed and a write up about her working with the Latino business community. She said in the article how her father was one of the first Latino attorneys in the city while spouting about how ethics and integrity were so important in business. All while misrepresenting her heritage. I made a comment to her the other day while she was lovebombing me about how I try to always be the most authentic version of myself and she changed the subject really fast and suddenly had to go inside and go back to work.